41 year old virgin and ruined a possible relationship (married, ladies, younger)
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While im not a virgin, I feel like I identify with your situation, or at least used to.
I cant act like I know you or how you feel about yourself, only you know that. I know what having some anxiety when it comes to the other sex feels like though, and I get the feeling that youre troubles are bigger than just the virginity factor, alone.
Confidence was never a problem for me when it came to meeting a girl. Ive always been confident enough in my ability to conversate and ease into things, because im confident in myself as a person. I also always seemed to have a knack for connecting with someone, on a fairly deep level, relatively quick. The only problem is I consider myself a super deep, emotional, feeling, sensitive person, and I would always get to know a girl super super well really fast. Then naturally, things would turn sexual soon after. This is where I would clam up, panic, and hit the abort button. If I could foresee myself having to get intimate with the person, I would run.
Apparently you have no problem with the dating part. Its the end of the night you have a problem with. People are saying you should work out some of your insecurities on some girls youre indifferent about just to overcome the virginity factor. Only thing is, when your fearful of a situation like that, youre not even gonna be able to handle it with someone you dont care about, let alone someone you do.
I think youre best bet is to get a hold of her sometime soon, before its too late. Apologize about how you handled the moment, and that it didnt have to do with her, but youre own nervousness. If her immediate response is "whatever, I dont even care, leave me alone"......then make what you will of that.....you can cut your losses if you cant endure the humility. But if shes still curious and cares to know why (which she will if she cares about you as much as you do for her), maybe you can feel a little more confident in explaining that, it was because youre still a virgin and was just feeling intimidated or shy about the situation.....but that youre absolutely still interested in her.
I definitely think you can salvage this relationship. At least get back in contact with her man. I think things will go smoother and more positively for you, than you anticipate. I have a feeling......and im a spiritual, astrology nerd so I think you should trust my feelings....that you can make this all work out great!
You were seeing each other and when she tried to take it to the next level you freaked because you're virgin and the you showed her the door. This women took it the wrong way because she thought it was her, she even ask you that.
Clearly she cares for you are she would not have went on five dates with you. You owe it to her to tell her the truth that it's you and not her.
If you tell her the truth and explain who you are with her you might have a slight chance of making it work with someone who cares about you.
Put your insecurities on the side and think about what you did to her. I guarantee you by your post that she is think like you what did I do wrong. Good women will not come on to you if they didn't have real feelings for you.
And she might even find it a turn on that your a virgin and want to teach you a few moves.
Either way you at least owe her an explanation that it's you and not her.
busta
Exactly what I was thinking. Stop thinking about yourself and your feelings so much. This girl really put herself out there for you and you crapped all over her because of your fears and insecurities. If nothing else, she deserves to know that it wasn't her.
I think your worrying too much about things that are irrelevent. Just because your a virgin doesn't mean that you won't or can't figure it out. It's not rocket science. You claim to be smart, then be smart. Trust me every guy in the world when they were younger aimed for the wrong hole, only to have the girl reach down and grab "it" and say oops wrong hole. It's not a big deal. If your worrying about going in with an overloaded gun, then simply masturbate before the next date. This will give you some longevity. Plus a mans size (from what I've heard) isn't neccessarily everything. Learn to use your hands, tongue, body motion. Being a good lover is not about size. It's what you do with it. Foreplay is not a dieing art. Women love foreplay just as much as the real thing. You don't even have to be erect for many areas of foreplay.
Man up my friend. You don't need no therapist. You just need to take the plunge.
I've decided to call her to explain my attitude, that's the least she deserves of course, but I won't pursue a possible relationship any further. It's mainly because that even if I get a girlfriend, I doubt I'll be able to keep one and I'm way past the age to try sex.
I've decided to call her to explain my attitude, that's the least she deserves of course, but I won't pursue a possible relationship any further. It's mainly because that even if I get a girlfriend, I doubt I'll be able to keep one and I'm way past the age to try sex.
wait, it took you over a week to think about this?
Are you in any kind of shape? If you are, you can have sex! Good god man you can't just give up, sex is something you need to experience in life!
I've decided to call her to explain my attitude, that's the least she deserves of course, but I won't pursue a possible relationship any further. It's mainly because that even if I get a girlfriend, I doubt I'll be able to keep one and I'm way past the age to try sex.
Whaaaaaat???
Sorry, but you need some kind of counseling. You had a woman delivered on a platter, and now you (a) don't want a relationship and (b) are giving up on ever having sex??? (at 41)
Yikes
Something major is going on in your head (the big one). I just think it is so sad that so many people have major issues when it comes to sex. This is not just performance anxiety. You have major stuff that needs to be worked out.
I do hope you will make some effort to figure yourself out. Everybody deserves to experience sex and a real relationship at some point!
I've decided to call her to explain my attitude, that's the least she deserves of course, but I won't pursue a possible relationship any further. It's mainly because that even if I get a girlfriend, I doubt I'll be able to keep one and I'm way past the age to try sex.
Wow, Jason, really??? You came up with that...you had a girl, she liked you and wanted to have sex with you, you freaked and then you're going to call her and tell her the truth but then you're going to drop the ball and move on..alone. All alone for the rest of your life? Really??
Please get therapy because something isn't right. You might be scared of sex, scared of a commitment...you're scared of something and you need to talk it out to see why you're so scared to be with another human being.
I've decided to call her to explain my attitude, that's the least she deserves of course, but I won't pursue a possible relationship any further. It's mainly because that even if I get a girlfriend, I doubt I'll be able to keep one and I'm way past the age to try sex.
She does deserve to know.
You're never to old to try sex... really if its the right girl, its not a problem, however if you've got other issues with it, or just don't want to experience that in life... then thats something else altogether.
I am 39, virgin, with low self-esteem issues. I focused on school/work for many years and never connected with women. It's very odd and something I could never get a handle on. I'm in pretty good shape, although very short.
I also feel inadequate due to most women even 10-15 years younger having vast experience with many partners, and every woman is already dating someone. If they are not dating someone then they are usually not friendly. I also can't date someone I am simply not attracted to. I am also frightened of getting a disease - herpes, oral herpes, or any other disease. If I wear a condom then I am not actually having sex. And so I would need to be certain she is disease-free and on birth control.
I don't mean to hijack the OP's thread - just provided yet another perspective.
I've decided to call her to explain my attitude, that's the least she deserves of course, but I won't pursue a possible relationship any further.
Yeah, I think you should call, email or something but not face to face because you will probably just chicken out and lie again. And definitely not in a public place. She would likely think you were joking and laugh.
What if she wants to continue seeing you? She might be intrigued. She could train you to her liking. It seems there are a lot of guys out there with experience but aren't nearly as good as they think they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonDavis
It's mainly because that even if I get a girlfriend, I doubt I'll be able to keep one and I'm way past the age to try sex.
That's absurd. You'll regret it later, I think.
40 year old men are sexy. Don't wait until you're 50+ - not so sexy then.
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Is this my future?
