41 year old virgin and ruined a possible relationship (young, interested, difference)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am 39, virgin, with low self-esteem issues. I focused on school/work for many years and never connected with women. It's very odd and something I could never get a handle on. I'm in pretty good shape, although very short.
I also feel inadequate due to most women even 10-15 years younger having vast experience with many partners, and every woman is already dating someone. If they are not dating someone then they are usually not friendly. I also can't date someone I am simply not attracted to. I am also frightened of getting a disease - herpes, oral herpes, or any other disease. If I wear a condom then I am not actually having sex. And so I would need to be certain she is disease-free and on birth control.
I don't mean to hijack the OP's thread - just provided yet another perspective.
How short is very short?
One of my friends had a fairly standard past, relationships, one night stands... she ended up meeting a guy who was about 36, and a virgin.
They're married now. its not a problem for the right girl.
Most people can't date people they're not attracted to and you should wear a condom -- you expect her to be on birth control, why can't you protect yourself too?
I am 39, virgin, with low self-esteem issues. I focused on school/work for many years and never connected with women. It's very odd and something I could never get a handle on. I'm in pretty good shape, although very short.
I also feel inadequate due to most women even 10-15 years younger having vast experience with many partners, and every woman is already dating someone. If they are not dating someone then they are usually not friendly. I also can't date someone I am simply not attracted to. I am also frightened of getting a disease - herpes, oral herpes, or any other disease. If I wear a condom then I am not actually having sex. And so I would need to be certain she is disease-free and on birth control.
I don't mean to hijack the OP's thread - just provided yet another perspective.
Excuse me??? You really think if you wear a condom that you won't be able to "feel" anything and therefore, aren't having sex? Is that what you think?
If so, you are wrong. The majority of mature men wear condoms.
Also, you brought up a idea that I never thought of. Since you are frightened of getting a disease then maybe Jason is also.
Both of you need to talk to drs to help you overcome your fears.
From another perspective I was 37 year old virgin when married. I told my fiance about it and she understood and did not pressure me. So Jason, I do believe you should just tell her straight out. That way she knows it wasnt something she did. Great chance to get to know each other even more deeply.
Dont be ashamed at being a virgin in the late 30s and early 40s...there are more of us than you think. For me, it was just something I was taught growing up in a Baptist household in the south. Wait til you get married and it felt like it was the right thing to do and something I was comfortable with.
7 years later we have a 6 yr old and twin 2 yr old boys. So it can change
That's not too short in my book. I'm 5 foot even though. I've dated someone about your height and had no problem.
My father was, supposedly, 5'5" when my mother meet him but I can tell you he was 5 foot even later in life because when I talked to him, we were eye to eye. I don't believe my mother realized that he was probably only about 5'2" in his heydays. My father was very handsome and was a ladies man. He had any women he wanted. Shortness didn't matter to him, he was full of himself and very cocky and women loved it. So even though he was short he was very confident. I also have one brother that took after him and is about your height. Again, he's been able to get whoever he wanted (he's gay). He's confident like my father. So don't let your height hold you back, work on your confidence and you'll find someone.
Wow, Jason, really??? You came up with that...you had a girl, she liked you and wanted to have sex with you, you freaked and then you're going to call her and tell her the truth but then you're going to drop the ball and move on..alone. All alone for the rest of your life? Really??
Please get therapy because something isn't right. You might be scared of sex, scared of a commitment...you're scared of something and you need to talk it out to see why you're so scared to be with another human being.
Well, I've been alone all this time, what difference does 20/30 years make? I've already called her and unfortunately she sounded extremely excited over meeting up again.
Well, I've been alone all this time, what difference does 20/30 years make? I've already called her and unfortunately she sounded extremely excited over meeting up again.
20/30 years makes a lot of difference. Sharing your life with somebody else is rewarding, mentally, emotionally, and yes, physically.
You need to be honest and up front with her about this. Tell her you have never had sex before. If she laughs or mocks you, she is not worth your time. Your feelings may be hurt, but you will know that she is an unkind person who you do not want to be with.
But if she has any kindness towards others, she will be understanding and work at your speed. Then you know you should see her again.
I urge you to try sex. If you like it, you have opened up an entirely new area of your life. If you do not, well, you have one evening of bad experience and you move on.
Well, I've been alone all this time, what difference does 20/30 years make? I've already called her and unfortunately she sounded extremely excited over meeting up again.
20-30 years is a long time. You have someone who wants to get to know you better, she sounds like she likes you. Its completely up to you, you do have the choice to open yourself up to the possibility of happiness with someone else
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
and you should wear a condom -- you expect her to be on birth control, why can't you protect yourself too? 
20-30 years is a long time. You have someone who wants to get to know you better, she sounds like she likes you. Its completely up to you, you do have the choice to open yourself up to the possibility of happiness with someone else 
