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Well, the first couple of dates, I expect her to "Try to pay" as in offer, but I will insist and pay. If I don't get that, she fails and I'm moving on. Been burned and used too many times paying for dates. After the first 3 dates, I"m not paying for everything, I expect some switching up after 3 dates, or splitting of the check. If the girl isn't going to help split or treat me sometime, then she's probably using me and I'm out. Too many woman out there willing to not take advantage of me to to go around paying for every single date. That's just absurd. No offense, but I'd never date you.
You seem to be unaware of why it's a tradition that men pay. In the olden days, women rarely had jobs and they rarely had money and if they did they didn't have alot. Men payed because it's was simply the most logical choice, women couldn't afford to pay.
If you can pay for your own, and STILL expect that men pay every time... well it has kinda lost it's purpose hasn't it? You don't expect the man to pay because he has more money than you. You expect him to pay because you feel that men has to pay to see women, and that IS entitlement.
I have no problem paying, but it speaks ALOT about the woman if she never even offers to pay. Relationships should be two way streets, giving and taking... Women who thinks the man should pay every time obviously don't view relationships like that, if it's gonna be a one way street in this aspect it's gonna be a one way street in ever single aspect of the relationship with women like that.
I agree. With women who see things that way, it won't end with just spending on dates. Every aspect of the relationship will come down to what they're "entitled" to as women. Sorry "just because" is not a good enough reason for me.
Well, the first couple of dates, I expect her to "Try to pay" as in offer, but I will insist and pay. If I don't get that, she fails and I'm moving on. Been burned and used too many times paying for dates. After the first 3 dates, I"m not paying for everything, I expect some switching up after 3 dates, or splitting of the check. If the girl isn't going to help split or treat me sometime, then she's probably using me and I'm out. Too many woman out there willing to not take advantage of me to to go around paying for every single date. That's just absurd. No offense, but I'd never date you.
The 3rd date is usually at the guy's house or girl's house so if you are out at a restaraunt on date 3 then most likely you are being used-lol
What is astoundingly elusive to some of you is that some men, INSIST on paying. To deny them would TRULY offend them. .
It's not only men who disagree with your stance you know.
However the above is important - if the guy INSISTS on paying - absolutely fine. Graciously accept. No one is suggesting slamming down a credit card and demanding equal payment. It's the OFFERING and being prepared to follow through that is the point.
It's the not taking it for granted that a man 'ought' to pay for every single item, on every single date for months or years on end.
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Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf
My husband always paid while we were dating. Always. I tried to give him money, tried insisting, tried everything - he never let me contribute or pay for anything.
But I wouldn't ever want my boys to let their date pay for everything. It's just.... an old-school mind-set I guess. Boys/men pay for the date. Period. It's just... dating protocol. .
You offering is the important part and I bet your husband appreciated the fact that you offered! Perhaps it's why he decided you were a keeper... which just proves the point I have been trying to make all along!
I think it's good that you are raising your sons to be gentlemen - but if they date a girl who never offers to chip in after several dates, tell them to move on to the next girl. Some women are for fun and some are keepers. A woman who just takes and never gives doesn't sound like a keeper to me!
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Originally Posted by stan4
See...but it spoke volumes that you tried. That you wanted to be a 50/50 partner on the outings. I will pay all day long for anyone who tries to meet me halfway.
It's one thing to take a woman up on her offer to pay and another to actually ask her to pay. That's so un-gentlemanly...I would be having second thoughts about seeing him again.
I'm not one of those women that expect men to pay all the time, I think it's only fair for the girl to offer after the relationship has been going on for a while. I dated a broke student for a while and we took turns paying...but he never ever straight out asked me to pay. I would've ran and never looked back lol.
You seem to be unaware of why it's a tradition that men pay. In the olden days, women rarely had jobs and they rarely had money and if they did they didn't have alot. Men payed because it's was simply the most logical choice, women couldn't afford to pay.
What you quoted from me was in response to someone who felt that men paying was a perpetuation of an "outdated stereotype" since women can now succeed in the workplace. My point was simply that one has nothing to do with the other. I am well aware of why it is a tradition. And what you are saying is certainly logical, but I think it had more to do with a man's role as the provider. Either way, the fact that women can (and do) pay their way doesn't mean that a woman who expects a man to pay when he does the inviting or who simply refused her offer to pay is a wh*re. My beef is with that particular mindset.
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If you can pay for your own, and STILL expect that men pay every time... well it has kinda lost it's purpose hasn't it?
What has lost it's purpose, having a job? When I send out a resume, who is paying the check if I get that job is the last thing on my mind. And none of what I stated is about women who feel entitled to have everything paid for. I don't approve of that either. The kind of men Carol dates are the type who would never expect her to pay. I won't speak for her motivations, but I also prefer that type of man. It isn't about a free meal. I love an old school gent all the way around. And I will reciprocate in other ways. I'll make a home cooked meal, or buy him a nice gift. But if he wants to pay for every meal, that is his choice, isn't it?
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You don't expect the man to pay because he has more money than you. You expect him to pay because you feel that men has to pay to see women, and that IS entitlement.
"You" as in me? You couldn't possibly presume to know me that well.
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I have no problem paying, but it speaks ALOT about the woman if she never even offers to pay. Relationships should be two way streets, giving and taking... Women who thinks the man should pay every time obviously don't view relationships like that, if it's gonna be a one way street in this aspect it's gonna be a one way street in ever single aspect of the relationship with women like that.
I agree. But would you call the first few dates a "relationship"? I guess it all depends on who you ask.
It's not only men who disagree with your stance you know.
Trust me, I am well aware of that. I forget who, but one woman here actually said it was "disgusting" to let a man pay. Different strokes.
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However the above is important - if the guy INSISTS on paying - absolutely fine. Graciously accept. No one is suggesting slamming down a credit card and demanding equal payment. It's the OFFERING and being prepared to follow through that is the point.
It's the not taking it for granted that a man 'ought' to pay for every single item, on every single date for months or years on end.
Absolutely. And that is the point for some of you. I have my own that I am trying to get across. No where did I say I approved of being entitled and expecting it all the time.
I would not pay for anything so early( honestly most men do not let me pay ever) but maybe it is just me. I only date men that do not mind to pay. I do not like cheapstakes. Lol
There can be a cultural element to paying. You should mention that you're not American born because that can give you a different perspective on the situation.
What has lost it's purpose, having a job? When I send out a resume, who is paying the check if I get that job is the last thing on my mind. And none of what I stated is about women who feel entitled to have everything paid for. I don't approve of that either. The kind of men Carol dates are the type who would never expect her to pay. I won't speak for her motivations, but I also prefer that type of man. It isn't about a free meal. I love an old school gent all the way around. And I will reciprocate in other ways. I'll make a home cooked meal, or buy him a nice gift. But if he wants to pay for every meal, that is his choice, isn't it?
If a woman earns as much as a man the tradition that the man should pay for every date has lost it's purpose.
Women like you don't keep it's original purpose in mind when you think men should always pay. That is what bothers me. It's a different attitude today than it was say 50 years ago.
The attitude 50 years ago among women was more or less that the man pays because he has more money.
Todays attitude is that men should pay to even have the privelege of a womans presence on a date It's not the same, you have twisted the original purpose of WHY men traditionally pay for dates and that is what bothers me.
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"You" as in me? You couldn't possibly presume to know me that well.
Alright, explain to me. I got that impression from your post. You sure don't have the same attitude as to why men should pay as women did 50 years ago.
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I agree. But would you call the first few dates a "relationship"? I guess it all depends on who you ask.
No, but if it's a one way street in the dating stage it will be that way in the relationship too. If she never offers to pay she proves to me that she is not a giving person, she has "take take take" entitled princessy attitude.
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