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I'm curious now. You've stated many times how much you prefer traditional-minded women and how much you want children. You seem to be the kind of guy who would want his wife staying home, taking care of the kids and therefore not contributing monetarily.
It would be her (i.e., a potential wife's) choice, whether she wants to work or not -- I would never attempt to impose my own wishes on her I certainly wouldn't mind having a prospective wife that worked though. Either way is fine in my own mind
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If I am correct, how do you reconcile that desire with what you've said here? Are you hoping to move a wife into your house and continue to refer to everything as yours?
I'm honestly not completely sure -- I don't have a perfect answer on that one, as I would have to consider the individual factors. Would I be amenable, to adding a future wife to a title/deed, of a pre-marital property? Yes...it is not necessarily a closed or final decision for me. Certainly, I would consider it "our house", as a family unit. But I don't know it that translates 100% either way into meaning 50-50, from a financial standpoint. Sorry if it seems I am going on in circles here...the honest answer is that, I don't know, for sure myself.
I am torn between my family (meaning wife/spousal) obligations, and my financial obligations
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And if, God forbid, you split up--she gets nothing?
Absolutely not -- I would never do that to someone, even if they wanted to end a married relationship with me. My immediate family that lives with me, can at times be cruel in the extreme, even verbally and emotionally abusive...but I still provide for them financially anyway, since the alternative would be to let them literally go on the street, which I'm not going to do to them.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 05-23-2011 at 11:19 AM..
Reason: Corrected typos
I'm not married but I have been co-habiting with my BF for 13 years (might as well be married!). I like having "my" stuff and so does he. He pays the rent. I pay the utilities and groceries. He pays his car payment and insurance. I pay my car payment and insurance. He has his own bank account and I have mine. If we were to break up tomorrow he would leave with his clothes, a dresser, a TV, and all his tools. Even though most of the furnishings in the house were bought while we were together, I paid for the majority -- so they are mine. I only paid for everything because he could care less what the house looks like -- not because he didn't have money. Even if we were to marry tomorrow, we would probably still have this "mine" mentality. Luckily, our salaries our close in range so this arrangement works fine for us.
When I was married to my ex, I was the primary bread winner so never really pooled our money together. I paid the majority of everything (thus the divorce--he wasn't so good at committing to a job). I've never had a joint account with anyone and now, as I approach middle age, I don't know if I want to.
Opinions? Anyone been in the same boat? Primary breadwinners, do you pay or split the bills with a spouse?
Not exactly the same boat, but I know how you feel. I could never marry again and feel good about calling my house “ours†nor could I marry and be the primary breadwinner and not feel resentful. Actually, Im beginning to feel this resentment for my current bf because he hasn’t worked in a year and he is beginning to call my house “his†or “ours†and claim to have bought almost everything when in fact it is the opposite. I don’t think you are ready to marry either, which isn’t a bad thing (neither am I). Resolve this situation or your feelings about this situation before you make a life altering decision.
Get a pre-nup before you get married.
It may help you with some peace of mind before you get married.
It will also set a platform for you to talk about this with her before the wedding .
You've been married 30 years and still strong?? And you've been a housewife all these years. Any man would love that kind of wife. Mr Mountains is truly lucky and blessed.
I'll take your side on this thread rather, than other self-deluded chimps
And I won't let this toxic thread mess with my fricking head, thank you very much.
<exit chute>
But you have every intention of treating your soon-to-be wife, like she is an extension of yourself, correct? ...like she's the most precious thing that's ever happened to you? If so, you probably won't have a darn thing to worry about. If you've chosen some who is drop dead serious about committment and loyalty, you're good to go AC!
Given your circumstances, it is absolutely, 100% understandable why you feel this way. Being as familiar with your nightmare situation as I am...I most definitely understand the point you are trying to make here. You pay for everything and yet nothing is yours, and that's a horrible thing.
Thank you, my friend. I will readily and freely concede that the opinions from posters such yourself, lovesMountains, and JustJulia also move me greatly, as well.
Show me a potential wife, who means truly her wedding vows, who will be there in committed love, for better or for worse, and who will be 100% faithful and loving, till death do us part -- and I will gladly add her to the title/deed. Without reservation.
But how does one necessarily know that though, going into a marriage? (Not trying to facetious here; just wondering as a genuine question.)
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 05-23-2011 at 11:34 AM..
Reason: Corrected typos
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I certainly wouldn't mind having a prospective wife that worked though. Either way is fine in my own mind 
And you've been a housewife all these years. Any man would love that kind of wife. Mr Mountains is truly lucky and blessed. 
