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Excellent suggestion... I have been a med professional for many years. PT is absolutely for you! The goal for you would be what? Increase strength, find exercises that would add muscle to replace fat and in turn, burn more calories...guess you already stick to a strict diab diet? The PT will be familiar with your issues and able to direct you in a way that is specific for your needs-
As for the disability: I am older than you and absolutely could see myself in a relationship with someone with hip dysplasia. Possibly the problem is, some younger women do not have this mindset...it takes some maturity to get where you KNOW physical ability is not overwhelmingly vital but positive personality traits and communication skills are...
I agree...the gals are missing out!
Best wishes
gbh
rl313;19624169]It sounds like you could use a Physical Therapist to come in and help you with your exercises. She will be able to determine what diffrent exercises would work best for you, and hopefully help make you stronger![/quote]
I went on several dates with someone in a wheelchair. It never got serious, only because neither of us were in a place for it at the time. His confidence, quick wit, and huge blue eyes made him a hit with the ladies. And I have to say, he was probably one of the most emotionally healthy people I've ever met--which made him that much more attractive because he lost his ability to walk suddenly (in an accident) at a time in life when it might very well have consumed him (high school, 17).
In fact, I Googled his email address the last time someone brought this topic up on City-Data, and found an interview from last year--he founded his own company--in which he said he is still friends with the fellow who was driving when the accident happened. His friend had fallen asleep at the wheel. That he is still friends with the guy tells you what kind of person he is. (Oh, and he's still good-looking, too, lo these 15 years since I knew him. )
So honestly? I would think the biggest obstacle would be not so much any physical challenge, but how the person handles it. Not everyone is that resilient emotionally.
You sound like you are, though. I think your honesty and ability to play the hand you're dealt will go a long way.
in which he said he is still friends with the fellow he was in the car with when the accident happened. His friend had fallen asleep at the wheel. That he is still friends with the guy tells you what kind of person he is.
Wow, that's amazing! I don't think I'd be able to do that.
I went on several dates with someone in a wheelchair. It never got serious, only because neither of us were in a place for it at the time. His confidence, quick wit, and huge blue eyes made him a hit with the ladies. And I have to say, he was probably one of the most emotionally healthy people I've ever met--which made him that much more attractive because he lost his ability to walk suddenly (in an accident) at a time in life when it might very well have consumed him (high school, 17).
In fact, I Googled his email address the last time someone brought this topic up on City-Data, and found an interview from last year--he founded his own company--in which he said he is still friends with the fellow who was driving when the accident happened. His friend had fallen asleep at the wheel. That he is still friends with the guy tells you what kind of person he is. (Oh, and he's still good-looking, too, lo these 15 years since I knew him. )
So honestly? I would think the biggest obstacle would be not so much any physical challenge, but how the person handles it. Not everyone is that resilient emotionally.
You sound like you are, though. I think your honesty and ability to play the hand you're dealt will go a long way.
That is great to hear. I don't know how my experience would fit in since the last time and only time I was attracted to a disabled person was in high school. I haven't known too many since then.
There was something about his personality that struck me and I honestly felt like I could have been happy with him. It was me who lacked, well everything, to go up to him and let him know my feelings. However, he never gave any indication of being attracted to me. Maybe I just didn't have what it took to attract him in the personality department.
Oddly enough, i was just recommended one of those by my doctor, but i sorta see PT as a fruitless thing. I mean it aint gonna cure my disability or make it any better, right? I got messed up legs, just the simple fact of the matter. But i can admit i never thought about your point of view on it. Didn't think about that, thanks.
I'd like to echo YankeeGirl, with regard to the PT...especially since your doctor recommended it. Physical therapists are really quite amazing, and you might be surprised at how they could possibly help you. Just a suggestion. Good luck!
To be honest, lack of mobility is not a game-ender. Even when younger I was not athletic. Someone who drools or spits is a complete turn-off. Also Tourette's.
In my experience, for a disabled/able-bodied relationship to work, both have to meet in the middle. The able-bodied person HAS to realize there will be times that they do need to help the disabled person, and the disabled person will have to know when they can do things independently and when they need to just accept help. What's fair for one person isn't necessarily fair for the other and vice versa. This exists in all relationships but it is more exaggerated in a disabled/able-bodied relationship. Also a lot of able-bodied people don't know what they're signing up for when they say they wouldn't mind dating a disabled person. Most able-bodied people have no idea how the disabled live day to day, and each disability is so different, that they can't really known unless they work in some sort of disability services or do a lot of research or know a lot of disabled people personally. Things have to be taken slowly and a lot of patience is needed on both sides. The able-bodied partner is going to have to start getting used to being viewed as the disabled person's caretaker and is going to have to learn how to deal with those kinds of assumptions from other people. And depending on the disability, the able-bodied person may have to learn how to deal with people who give the disabled person all the credit for coping with a disability but that give the partner no credit for taking on some care-taking roles. Many people don't realize it's just as hard to be married to a disabled person as it is to be disabled and so for any long-term relationship with a disabled person, the able-bodied person will have to learn how to handle those kinds of assumptions as well.
I don't find people's disabilities inherently unattractive, but I'm also not your average person. I've been totally deaf-blind and in severe chronic pain and I've dealt with mental illness. So in that sense I'm not your average "OMG wheelchair freak out!" type.
Well, I'm deaf in my left ear but hear normally in my right ear. Would you guys date a partially deaf or blind person?
Definitely. But in my experience, both in my relationships and the relationships I've seen my deaf, blind, and deaf-blind friends have (I have a lot of them, lol) two things need to happen:
1) Communication in general has to be good
2) Accommodations need to be met reasonably
In other words, especially in a deaf-hearing relationship, communication needs to be good. If the deaf person uses sign language, the hearing person has to learn sign language. (A hearing person can learn to sign; a deaf person can't learn to hear.) The sighted person needs to be wiling to make blind accommodations, that is, not leaving things out in the middle of the way, being willing to read print mail or read a menu, etc. That said the deaf or blind or deaf-blind person can't expect the sight-hearing person to take on the full burden. This is rarely the case though. Generally the deaf and deaf-blind are used to having to take on the full burden of communication and so tend to default to that in relationships as well (from what I've noticed). It's usually much more of a learning curve for the able-bodied person to learn to accommodate the deaf/deaf-blind person's communication needs. The only time I haven't seen a major learning curve for the hearing person is when they were already an interpreter for the deaf, or worked with deaf people or had deaf parents, etc.
Secondly, a blind person can expect their spouse or significant other to help them here and there, but their spouse or S.O. isn't their slave. A sighted spouse/S.O. also has to be careful not to buy into the idea that the blind can't do anything. Especially with a newly blinded person, the blind person may really think they can't do something. But they will have to be willing to learn new ways. For example, a blind person can wash the dishes, can do the laundry, can help out around the house (provided that's their only disability). There will be some things a blind person can't do though, and that will vary greatly depending on how much vision they have left and how good their blindness skills are. But the spouse/SO will have to be willing to jump in in those instances where the blind person just can't do it themselves. Being organized around the house is much more important when living with a blind person. For example, when you move a piece of furniture, you have to inform the blind person. If you put a cup of water down on the table, you have to inform the blind person. Any information we usually get through our eyes (that aren't also audible or perceptible in some other way) has to be verbalized to the blind person.
With a deaf-blind person, touch is essential. Touch is a deaf-blind person's ears and eyes. If you can't stand to be touched, dating a deaf-blind person is not for you. Either that or it's a challenge that you will have to overcome.
In the end, the most important thing is learning how to compromise. And the couple has to agree on how to handle other people's attitudes. Other people will have sorts of ideas about what the deaf/blind person can do, and what their spouse/SO should do for them. Combating misconceptions, educating people on how things work, and personally, I think having a sense of humor about all these things are crucial.
Ok, we need more people in this thread, and i am still looking for ideas on how to trim up. Dont say eat healthy, cause i do, being diabetic kinda forces that. Also dont say eat less, because i do that too. Just need ways of being active and getting some of this weight off of me. Also, if any of you out there have an opinion about would a disability make a man unattractive to you, then please do share them as well. I am not looking for sympathy or pity here, people. Just noticed this is a subject most people shy away from talking about. But it is a very real problem in the world of relationships. Why are so many able-bodied people completely ignoring or not finding disabled individuals they could care about or even be with? It's something i see every day and wonder about.
What would make a disabled person unattractive to me? If they let their disability be an excuse for an ugly personality. If you pitied yourself, were angry and bitter at the world for your disability, and used your disability as an excuse to mistreat people and blame others, then I wouldn't want to date you.
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