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Weight loss. In your case, I would recommend swimming. They have pools outfitted for easy access for disabled people too. Also, if I was in your position, the last place on Earth I would want to live is MN. The weather is pretty bad year round. I would want to live somewhere with no snow and ice that was much warmer so it would be easier for me to get out and about. A place where the weather would not limit my activity.
I spent years taking care of disabled/old relatives and sorry, but I would never have/start a serious relationship with a disabled person. I'm sorry to be so blunt but that is what you asked for. I just feel like I already put in my time as a caretaker. I like challenging activities. I rode a horse across Mexico, kayaked the Amazon River, and went rappelling in Belize. I scuba and run. I would also most likely not be interested in someone who was a couch potato and wanted to do nothing but watch sports on TV too.
If my SO were to become disabled, I would stand by him and take care of him. I would honor my commitments. But I wouldn't want to start a relationship with anyone with a degenerative disease that I knew would be extremely limiting over time. There's no way to kindly walk away from an individual with a problem like that, so my answer would be to not get involved in the first place.
I highly recommend sign language if you are both going deaf. Lipreading works when you're HOH but it's really hard to do as a totally deaf person.
You're dead on. As Helen Keller said, Blindness cuts us off from things, but deafness cuts us off from people.
My ex was abusive towards me in that regard too. She expressly didn't learn sign language when it was the only way for us to communicate. Communication is critical in any relationship, and in a deaf-hearing one, that means learning to face the deaf person, being aware of lighting and visual spacing, and learning sign language if the Deaf person signs, etc.
It's amazing how often I tell people to stand still, look at me, speak slowly and clearly. And then I tell them again for the next sentence; or I zone out. My friends see when I do this and now they are calling me on it. It's usually in a group setting and when I'm called on it, I usually turn it around and tell them I've already said it 5 or more times, why listen to someone who doesn't want to accommodate ME - and I look at the person who is not speaking slowly.
I have spent at least 5 years trying to find an inexpensive asl course where it's not a problem for me to get there. There is nothing in my borough of NYC except for a college course for interpreters. The nearest to me is in Manhattan at night. That raises 2 issues: one, I've got some visual impairments going on, already had one eye surgery and looking at 3 more, so I cannot drive to Manhattan and, it's too late at night for me to take public transportation safely (not hearing what comes up behind you or seeing what lurks in shadows is a big problem). So, I wait until we retire to take courses at a Center for Independent Living in Jackson, TN. At least TN seems to be a lot more progressive in offering services to the deaf/HoH.
When I lived in RI, I got a free E.A.R.S. and a free sonic boom alarm - connects to the telephone too - what a blessing - for me, not for the neighbors - hehe!
You're right. I usually do stay away from such topics... To be totally honest, I believe that a person with a disability would probably fit best with another person with a disability. There will be a mutual understanding of the limitations.
That subject is a little less foreign to me now as I acquired a disease myself some time ago. So far the horrible medication has altered my appearance only so slightly - perhaps visible to me only. However, things may change for the worse down the line. I'm vain and even though I've pretty much given up on relationships for various reasons, it'd still be devastating. My point here is I admire people like you and I'm ashamed of myself when I read about such stuff. You sound so strong and cheerful. I wouldn't be able to do that! I'd commit suicide, if I have to be completely honest. Perhaps growing up a certain way makes a difference and you get used to your life the way it is. However, facing sudden changes is not quite the same...
I really like the sound of your posts and I hope you find love!
Gee SierraAZ! I hope to god that when your disease advances, men don"t discriminate on you and poke fun with nasty comments, as well as avoid you completely the way you always do to men 5'7" and under. It'd be very interesting to see how you will react when people eliminate you from their checklist due to something you have no control over. Best wishes.
Gee SierraAZ! I hope to god that when your disease advances, men don"t discriminate on you and poke fun with nasty comments, as well as avoid you completely the way you always do to men 5'7" and under. It'd be very interesting to see how you will react when people eliminate you from their checklist due to something you have no control over. Best wishes.
Interesting choice of a moniker to register in order to say just that.
To repeat -- not all persons with disabilities require a caretaker! That is just a stereotype.
Some individuals with disabilities may very well be fully-independent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow
Weight loss. In your case, I would recommend swimming. They have pools outfitted for easy access for disabled people too. Also, if I was in your position, the last place on Earth I would want to live is MN. The weather is pretty bad year round. I would want to live somewhere with no snow and ice that was much warmer so it would be easier for me to get out and about. A place where the weather would not limit my activity.
I spent years taking care of disabled/old relatives and sorry, but I would never have/start a serious relationship with a disabled person. I'm sorry to be so blunt but that is what you asked for. I just feel like I already put in my time as a caretaker. I like challenging activities. I rode a horse across Mexico, kayaked the Amazon River, and went rappelling in Belize. I scuba and run. I would also most likely not be interested in someone who was a couch potato and wanted to do nothing but watch sports on TV too.
If my SO were to become disabled, I would stand by him and take care of him. I would honor my commitments. But I wouldn't want to start a relationship with anyone with a degenerative disease that I knew would be extremely limiting over time. There's no way to kindly walk away from an individual with a problem like that, so my answer would be to not get involved in the first place.
I didn't read the whole thread but I can recommend T'ai chi for some excellent and gentle exercise. Also check out Feldenkrais. You won't get fit doing it, but it will help your mobility issues.
It's amazing how often I tell people to stand still, look at me, speak slowly and clearly. And then I tell them again for the next sentence; or I zone out. My friends see when I do this and now they are calling me on it. It's usually in a group setting and when I'm called on it, I usually turn it around and tell them I've already said it 5 or more times, why listen to someone who doesn't want to accommodate ME - and I look at the person who is not speaking slowly.
I have spent at least 5 years trying to find an inexpensive asl course where it's not a problem for me to get there. There is nothing in my borough of NYC except for a college course for interpreters. The nearest to me is in Manhattan at night. That raises 2 issues: one, I've got some visual impairments going on, already had one eye surgery and looking at 3 more, so I cannot drive to Manhattan and, it's too late at night for me to take public transportation safely (not hearing what comes up behind you or seeing what lurks in shadows is a big problem). So, I wait until we retire to take courses at a Center for Independent Living in Jackson, TN. At least TN seems to be a lot more progressive in offering services to the deaf/HoH.
When I lived in RI, I got a free E.A.R.S. and a free sonic boom alarm - connects to the telephone too - what a blessing - for me, not for the neighbors - hehe!
If get to ASL classes/Deaf events an issue, I will happily teach you ASL through Skype for free. ASL is a life changer. DM me if you're interested. Though of course it's better to get in person experience too, if you can. Lots of Deaf are open to helping new ASL learners, especially late-deafened who know what it's like to be going deaf.
I know how it is when people don't think you're listening. I'm glad you're standing up for yourself. It took me way too long to learn that lesson. Deaf/hard of hearing people constantly take on the whole burden of communication, and it's not fair at all. The burden of communication should be shared equally between the deaf and hearing person.
I have a visual impairment too. All the more reason to learn ASL. Speech reading is anywhere from even more difficult to impossible with a visual impairment. If you can't see ASL well, you can learn tactile ASL. Or you can use close-range ASL or tracking--depending on if you have tunnel vision or poor acuity. Even if you only have night blindness, it's useful to learn for dark situations (restaurants, concerts). I know deaf-blind people all over the country and I know how lame Deaf/Blind services can be. Let me know if you want me to try to hook you up with someone. I may or may not know someone in your area. I learned Deaf-blindness skills from another Deaf-blind person, not Deaf/Blind services. (They didn't think I could do anything--they actually told me to stay inside my house when I was blind and going deaf.)
Weight loss. In your case, I would recommend swimming. They have pools outfitted for easy access for disabled people too. Also, if I was in your position, the last place on Earth I would want to live is MN. The weather is pretty bad year round. I would want to live somewhere with no snow and ice that was much warmer so it would be easier for me to get out and about. A place where the weather would not limit my activity.
I spent years taking care of disabled/old relatives and sorry, but I would never have/start a serious relationship with a disabled person. I'm sorry to be so blunt but that is what you asked for. I just feel like I already put in my time as a caretaker. I like challenging activities. I rode a horse across Mexico, kayaked the Amazon River, and went rappelling in Belize. I scuba and run. I would also most likely not be interested in someone who was a couch potato and wanted to do nothing but watch sports on TV too.
If my SO were to become disabled, I would stand by him and take care of him. I would honor my commitments. But I wouldn't want to start a relationship with anyone with a degenerative disease that I knew would be extremely limiting over time. There's no way to kindly walk away from an individual with a problem like that, so my answer would be to not get involved in the first place.
There are plenty of disabled people who don't need caretakers. I know several deaf, blind, and deaf-blind people that live completely independently, for example. I've heard of blind people who have hiked in mountains and done all kinds of high-risk (by able-bodied standards) activities. I know mobility-impaired Deaf people that live very close to independently, and any help they need is given to them by the government so they don't have to burden their friends and family.
In my single twenties, I went out a few times with a guy with cerebral palsy. He wasn't wheelchair-bound, and the main manifestation of the CP was that he walked with a significant hitch/limp. He was in his early twenties, super cute, super smart and funny, and we probably would have gone out longer, had he not moved halfway across the country for a PhD program.
One thing that was notable for me, though, was that his disability caught me totally off-guard. We met via match.com, and in talking online pre-meeting, he gave no indication whatsoever that he had any sort of disability. As a special education teacher (now, I wasn't at the time, at the time, I was a journalist), I wholeheartedly support people not feeling they have to define themselves by their disabilities, and wasn't offended or off-put by his omission when we met in person for the first time. But the thing was, I had suggested the place where we met for our first date...and it was hiking in a state park. I was embarrassed, because had I known that he had mobility issues, I would have been more sensitive than to suggest a hiking outing.
I teach children with severe developmental disabilities, however, and my perspective on this may well be different that that of many others.
In my single twenties, I went out a few times with a guy with cerebral palsy. He wasn't wheelchair-bound, and the main manifestation of the CP was that he walked with a significant hitch/limp. He was in his early twenties, super cute, super smart and funny, and we probably would have gone out longer, had he not moved halfway across the country for a PhD program.
One thing that was notable for me, though, was that his disability caught me totally off-guard. We met via match.com, and in talking online pre-meeting, he gave no indication whatsoever that he had any sort of disability. As a special education teacher (now, I wasn't at the time, at the time, I was a journalist), I wholeheartedly support people not feeling they have to define themselves by their disabilities, and wasn't offended or off-put by his omission when we met in person for the first time. But the thing was, I had suggested the place where we met for our first date...and it was hiking in a state park. I was embarrassed, because had I known that he had mobility issues, I would have been more sensitive than to suggest a hiking outing.
I teach children with severe developmental disabilities, however, and my perspective on this may well be different that that of many others.
I think in that situation he just didn't want people to look at his disability as an easy way out to not consider him. However the catch-22 is that you may surprise people if you don't disclose it. There's no right way to do it. I do know that when applying for jobs, I never disclose that I have a speech impediment outright either. It gives employers one less thing to reject me off their list, so that they could look at my body work and not my disorder. I imagine it's the same for him.
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That is just a stereotype.
