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One of my good friends married a man with TBI. He was involved in two serious accidents with impaired his mobility and speech. He's a good man and she thinks of the world of him; they've been happily married for four years now.
women are much more likely to date a disabled man then the reverse....if you're a woman with one little thing that might be considered too much 'work' for them, forget it.
women are much more likely to date a disabled man then the reverse....if you're a woman with one little thing that might be considered too much 'work' for them, forget it.
I think that's a bit of a blanket statement, don't you? If it's accurate, which I don't know that it is, I'm happy to defy it.
I think that's a bit of a blanket statement, don't you? If it's accurate, which I don't know that it is, I'm happy to defy it.
While I don't think that's true for some men, I can confidently say it's true for most men, especially younger men (under 35). I am technically disabled due to a genetic disorder I have and I'm in and out of the hospital and have to get regular IV infusions every two weeks for life. I also have a few surgery scars from when I was younger. This is a HUUUUGE deterrent to men. Why choose a woman who has problems when there are plenty of women out there without health problems?
I completely understand though, it's hard to be with a person who has medical issues or disabilities.
While I don't think that's true for some men, I can confidently say it's true for most men, especially younger men (under 35). I am technically disabled due to a genetic disorder I have and I'm in and out of the hospital and have to get regular IV infusions every two weeks for life. I also have a few surgery scars from when I was younger. This is a HUUUUGE deterrent to men. Why choose a woman who has problems when there are plenty of women out there without health problems?
I completely understand though, it's hard to be with a person who has medical issues or disabilities.
I guess I'm one of the few then given the woman with Cerebral Palsy I mentioned before and her need for total care and my ex-fiancee's Myastenia Gravis.
With my ex I would work my 12 hour ER shifts then come home and take care of her all night then go back to work. I did this for weeks at a time because she was so sick whilst we were together.
I didn't know she had MG when we met and started dating but it wasn't a deal breaker when she told me.
Ok, let me be perfectly honest here. I have what is known as Hip Dysplasia, a medical birth defect known to warp hip joints and cause mobility issues. I have a wheelchair, but i can still walk small amounts. My question is this...What are your opinions and beliefs when it comes to dating disabled men. Also, I am looking for ways to exercise and loose some weight that dont put alot of strain on my hips. First things first, the obvious question i get alot is:How do you have sex? Well, just the same as anyone else, believe it or not, i am not hampered in that department. I am single, a young male, struggling with finances in the Minnesota area. So let the discussion begin! Be honest with me, as I am being honest with all of you.
I dated a woman in a wheelchair (I'm female myself) and we had a great relationship. I've been seeing a deaf blind woman recently and so far I really like her too.
It's about the person inside, not the disability. That said, focusing on the inside does not mean that disabled people can't be great in bed.
I really don't understand people's hang ups over not wanting to date someone disabled. I honestly don't see how it's any more different than dating someone of a different race/culture or from a different background in general.
Ok, we need more people in this thread, and i am still looking for ideas on how to trim up. Dont say eat healthy, cause i do, being diabetic kinda forces that. Also dont say eat less, because i do that too. Just need ways of being active and getting some of this weight off of me. Also, if any of you out there have an opinion about would a disability make a man unattractive to you, then please do share them as well. I am not looking for sympathy or pity here, people. Just noticed this is a subject most people shy away from talking about. But it is a very real problem in the world of relationships. Why are so many able-bodied people completely ignoring or not finding disabled individuals they could care about or even be with? It's something i see every day and wonder about.
I've dated a deaf sighted woman and a woman in a wheelchair (who also recently became deaf). I've also dated two completely sighted, hearing, able-bodied women. Most of my friends are either deaf blind or deaf and in a wheelchair. My two closest friends are both deaf and use a wheelchair, and one of them is also low vision (meaning a slight visual impairment but not enough to be considered legally blind). I'm hearing blind myself (used to be deaf so I picked up sign language but then found out it was reversible). Because of the school I go to, most of the people I come into contact with are, at the very least, deaf.
With all of that in mind, for me the most unattractive attribute about some people is the mentality that they can't. do. anything. Honestly I have noticed this attitude just as much in people who are perfectly able-bodied. For example, my hearing sighted able-bodied ex refused to leave the house and so I would have to run errands for her. She was completely dependent on me (and I admit, I allowed her to be) even though I was clearly the more disabled one in the relationship, from a physical perspective. From an attitudinal perspective, she was far more handicapped than me. I had two jobs while she stayed at home doing nothing. I did all the cooking and cleaning while she sat on her bed all day. You can see why I left that relationship.
The common theme among all the disabled people that I have dated or become good friends with is that they have a mentality of independence and they are ambitious. They do not let their disability get in the way. The bulk of disability is not in our bodies, but rather, in other people's minds. Sure, I cannot see, for example, but it's other people who think I can't use a computer, walk by myself, cook my own dinner, clean my own house, pick out my own clothes, keep track of my money, etc. etc. I can hold a job but it's other people who are often not willing to hire me. I feel the most handicapped not because of my blindness but because of other people's attitudes about my blindness. I have had this conversation many times with my friends and dates, and many of them express similar feelings in regards to their own disabilities and people's attitudes.
I know people who are multiply disabled who working on Ph.D.'s, and who have Ph.D's. I know people who have multiple disabilities who refuse to just sit on their butts (literally or figuratively) and do nothing, and instead, have dreams, goals, and aspirations. They apply for jobs and speak out against discrimination. They prove, every day, just by being who they are, that disabled people can do any number of things, from having a great professional life to having a great sex life. The people that I know and make friends with lead fulfilling and enriching lives and don't let other people dictate to them what they can and can't do.
As a result, I am sure you can understand why I have little patience for disabled people who refuse to believe they can do anything and instead, hide behind their disability. I have little patience for able-bodied people with the same perspective, who find some excuse for why they can't do this or that. This is the group of people I find immensely unattractive.
Why do so many able-bodied people shy away from dating disabled people? Because they underestimate their own ability to function without sight, hearing, the ability to walk, etc. etc. and assume that other people who are blind/deaf/in a wheelchair have the same low standard of functioning that they would have for an hour, with no training whatsoever. Able-bodied people often shy away from disabled people because we represent their fears and remind them they're not invincible. Most able-bodied people are terrified of losing their ability to see/hear/walk/etc. and become panicked and anxious around someone who reminds them of this potential reality inside themselves. At the end of the day, though, both disabled people and able-bodied people benefit from realizing that there is life after a disability, and it's just a matter of finding a new way of doing the same things you did before. Relationships, intimacy, and sex, can all still be rich and fulfilling even with a disability.
ETA: I just realized I posted a whole bunch in this thread already...sorry didn't realize that till now!
Last edited by nimchimpsky; 07-17-2012 at 09:08 AM..
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