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I am HIV pos. I've managed to find a wonderful man and we have been together for 17 years. There are many people who would never even have given me a chance, however, the ones that did were good ones. I'm not saying that people who can't deal with a relationship with the disabled are bad people, just that in general, the ones that can are something special.
Ironically in 2007 my husband had an ascending Aortic Dissection. It kills most people who have them like John Ritter. He survived but it was complicated. He had kidney failure, PE's GI bleed and the worst of all Compartment Syndrome.(TMI Warning (His leg swelled up like a balloon and the choice was to either risk amputation or to cut it from near knee to ankle on both sides to relieve pressure . Once or twice a week the would go in and scrape off the necrotic tissue
He had several surgeries on the leg including a skin graft.0 He has lost most of the leg muscle and walks with a cane. He lives in horrible pain
He's a good looking guy and his leg doesn't seem to stop women from hitting on him.
There certainly are people out there who are willing to look past a disability/disease. NO, everyone can't but many many can
Interesting...although, not all ppl with disabilities are disabled to the level where they will actually need a caretaker either, though For example, there is a big difference between being totally paraplegic, and just needing something like a cane to deal with an unsteady balance or a mild limp.
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Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
In my experience, for a disabled/able-bodied relationship to work, both have to meet in the middle. The able-bodied person HAS to realize there will be times that they do need to help the disabled person, and the disabled person will have to know when they can do things independently and when they need to just accept help. What's fair for one person isn't necessarily fair for the other and vice versa. This exists in all relationships but it is more exaggerated in a disabled/able-bodied relationship. Also a lot of able-bodied people don't know what they're signing up for when they say they wouldn't mind dating a disabled person. Most able-bodied people have no idea how the disabled live day to day, and each disability is so different, that they can't really known unless they work in some sort of disability services or do a lot of research or know a lot of disabled people personally. Things have to be taken slowly and a lot of patience is needed on both sides. The able-bodied partner is going to have to start getting used to being viewed as the disabled person's caretaker and is going to have to learn how to deal with those kinds of assumptions from other people. And depending on the disability, the able-bodied person may have to learn how to deal with people who give the disabled person all the credit for coping with a disability but that give the partner no credit for taking on some care-taking roles. Many people don't realize it's just as hard to be married to a disabled person as it is to be disabled and so for any long-term relationship with a disabled person, the able-bodied person will have to learn how to handle those kinds of assumptions as well.
I don't find people's disabilities inherently unattractive, but I'm also not your average person. I've been totally deaf-blind and in severe chronic pain and I've dealt with mental illness. So in that sense I'm not your average "OMG wheelchair freak out!" type.
I've never dated anyone with a disability - but I don't think it would have been a deal breaker for me. You never know what the future might bring - my husband or I could wind up disabled at some point in time and I would still love him and do anything for him.
My father had progressive hearing loss that started when he was about 16. It was hereditary and I'm lucky that I didn't get it since I'm a singer. He met my mother when he was in his early 20's and they were married for 31 years until he passed away. By the time he passed away - he only had about 10% of his hearing in both ears. I guess in some ways his disablility made certain things more difficult - but every family and every relationship has it's obstacles. My father read lips really well so we never really used sign language although I had strated to learn it when I was younger. He understood my mother and me more than anyone else. My father was an eye doctor and a real character. I think his disability was very frustrating for him at times - but he was able to have a great life in spite of it. He also gave talks to disabled children and had a hard of hearing little brother in the big brother/little brother association.
So - I guess my point is that the right person will not be deterred by someone with a disability. If there is a will, there's a way. There may be people that will be turned off by someone with a disability - but these also might be the same people that would leave their spouse if things got too tough or if their spouse became disabled later on down the line. And this isn't meant to be cruel to the people that can't handle it - but at least if you have a disability right up front - you know that the person who falls in love with you is probably the "through thick and thin" kind of person.
Ok, let me be perfectly honest here. I have what is known as Hip Dysplasia, a medical birth defect known to warp hip joints and cause mobility issues. I have a wheelchair, but i can still walk small amounts. My question is this...What are your opinions and beliefs when it comes to dating disabled men. Also, I am looking for ways to exercise and loose some weight that dont put alot of strain on my hips. First things first, the obvious question i get alot is:How do you have sex? Well, just the same as anyone else, believe it or not, i am not hampered in that department. I am single, a young male, struggling with finances in the Minnesota area. So let the discussion begin! Be honest with me, as I am being honest with all of you.
I wouldn't mind dating a disabled man but it also depends on how disabled he is(if he always needs someone to take care of him, etc.)...your situation doesn't seem so bad as you can walk and take care of yourself but I would definitely invest in some physical therapy
My husband is deaf in one ear, and is now beginning to lose hearing in the other. I am deaf and it's progressive. At some point, my aids won't help. It is what it is and we work with it. Sometimes we shout to each other. Sometimes we feel extreme frustration. We are in "learning curves" because of the progressiveness of our hearing losses which takes work and sometimes mental exhaustion makes one or both of us cranky. We deal with it and then we deal with the issue. And now we have my physical limitations becoming a problem: I have some spine issues, and now vision problems and age issues.
I highly recommend sign language if you are both going deaf. Lipreading works when you're HOH but it's really hard to do as a totally deaf person.
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BUT, through it all, we are friends and partners in life so we just do what needs to be done.
In my younger years, I dated guys with disabilities - some physical, one was blind but never anyone who was deaf. I now know the reason for not even knowing a deaf person and never having the opportunity to get to know one, but the other disabilities were always in my environment.
That's funny. When I was hearing-blind I dated a Deaf person but never dated another blind person.
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The D/deaf are different - why? Because we don't speak the same language. When you have a physical disability, you lose mobility/manipulation with things; when you lose your sight, you lose touch with things; when you lose your hearing, you begin to lose touch with people and become isolated.
You're dead on. As Helen Keller said, Blindness cuts us off from things, but deafness cuts us off from people.
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This is my pet peeve. Just because your speech isn't perfect, doesn't mean my listening is selective. I know this was meant with humor, but I spent 20 years in a marriage with a man who insisted it was my listening, not my hearing or his speaking, that was selective. He was abusive towards me concerning my hearing loss.
My ex was abusive towards me in that regard too. She expressly didn't learn sign language when it was the only way for us to communicate. Communication is critical in any relationship, and in a deaf-hearing one, that means learning to face the deaf person, being aware of lighting and visual spacing, and learning sign language if the Deaf person signs, etc.
The most difficult part about being a person with a disability, could be the "type" of person who would be attracted to wanting a person with a disability. For example, a woman who had low self esteem, and dated a guy in a wheelchair, because she felt like he would never leave her...or a guy dating a deaf woman, because of the same issues...you could end up with someone who has a lot of mental problems.
Or maybe someone would want to date a person with a disability, because they are open to it, maybe someone who has a background in health care, like a physical therapist, and has no issues with meeting a person with a disability, and seeing that person as "normal" because they are used to people who are disabled.
I don't have a problem with people who are disabled, or someone who was broke...the key is finding what a person wants out of a relationship...for example, I am looking for someone who is great in bed...as long as that works...who cares about anything else...but that is my value...and I will admit, probably has not been the best way of maintaining relationships...but is it sure alot of fun.
The most difficult part about being a person with a disability, could be the "type" of person who would be attracted to wanting a person with a disability. For example, a woman who had low self esteem, and dated a guy in a wheelchair, because she felt like he would never leave her...or a guy dating a deaf woman, because of the same issues...you could end up with someone who has a lot of mental problems.
I'm really glad you both can be so honest. Alot of people i've told all play the whole Oh-I-Care-No-Matter-What card. That fake reassurance. Thanks.
I can't say I wouldn't care no matter what, but I can say I'd be very open to dating someone with a disability (assuming I wasn't married lol). I would have a lot of questions, especially when it came to sex, but even then I know that there is a lot more to sex than penis going into vagina. I think what would be hardest for me is that I love to go hiking and taking long walks and would love to have someone to do that with. This isn't a dealbreaker as I can go hiking with friends, etc. but it would be something that I would have to consider as well. On the whole, if there were enough shared interests and the connections were there, I would be very open to it and I think any open-minded woman would as well. Hope that helps!
Well..for me it would be a case by case thing. I just ended a relationship with a man who had a disability. He was legally blind. He could see, mind you..he wasnt guide dog and walking stick kind of blind. But he was considered LEGALLY blind. He tripped more than most people because he could not really see the differences in uneven ground, and he used a magnifyer to read. He also could not get a driver's license because of his sight.
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How is this going for you if you dont mind me asking??? Sorry, I have a vested interest as my best freind is also legally blind and I rarely ever see him with a girlfreind
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For example, there is a big difference between being totally paraplegic, and just needing something like a cane to deal with an unsteady balance or a mild limp.
