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No no. I don't have anything to do with her bad days (days when she seems moody, upset, etc.) Those days or totally random and I can tell within a couple minutes if something is wrong.
I am very conscientious about NOT being overaggressive. Trust me on that.
I have never said "I love you." I don't act creepy/overaggressive/stalkerish.
I don't call or send text messages, emails, facebook, etc. I am very easy-going--I don't have one of those overbearing personalities.
We work together in a small company. We are good friends. Am I supposed to ignore it if she is almost in tears? What's wrong with being supportive? Or doing nice things on birthdays, christmas? Especially since I also receive things.
This has been going on for over a year but before that I was the recipient of more attention from her for a good while.
How does this make me a pushover? I have my own life. Sure, I see her a lot but that's because of work. I have my own friends, family...I have a full schedule of activities constantly. I am not sitting around at home.
I don't pressure her for anything. I do nice things, but it's because I care and we're FRIENDS.
anyway, "pursuit" is letting her know that you are interested in her personally AND sexually. When people talk about "too nice", typically what is meant, is behaving as if you weren't interested in screwing her brains out.
You can be a good dude and still show that you want to screw her brains out. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.
She is often moody and upset. I always do whatever I can to cheer her up and make her feel better whether it be via positive words, jokes, smiling, looking out for her, listening to her, reinforcing to her that things aren't so bad, etc. A lot of support.
I think what you said here is fairly clear and doesn't have a lot of room for re-defining as you did in response to another poster here. "A lot of support" means "a lot" doesn't it?
To me, this is what she sounds like:
- A needy selfish person who uses crises and problems to extract attention from other people.
- Immature in how she deals with problems and people.
Some times these folks have a hard time with the concept of 'give and take'.
Regardless of whether she likes you as a friend or not, if you develop a relationship that goes all the way then I fear you will be dealing with a whinny, moody person every day.
Keep in mind, after marriage, little irrational frustrations she has with you, will grow into something worse.
You can be a good dude and still show that you want to screw her brains out. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.
you know as desperate as I may be I'd be a little concerned if a girl came up to me and told me she wants to screw my brains out. surely that applies in reverse for women as well.
you know as desperate as I may be I'd be a little concerned if a girl came up to me and told me she wants to screw my brains out. surely that applies in reverse for women as well.
I totally agree.
While it's flattering to be wanted, it's too forward/pushy/creepy to fully display something like that.
Question: When you like someone, isn't it implied that you are attracted to them physically?
Speaking from a girl perspective, I don't want someone I'm dating to be another girlfriend. If I want tea and sympathy, that's where I'd go. The guys that were "too nice" never got anywhere with me...it's a turnoff. I didn't like bad boys (well, at one time I did ;-) but I want a guy who's got his own interests, opinions, etc and don't give in to my every whim. There needs to be some give and take in all relationships. You sound like you are dangerously close to being pigeon-holed as "just friends".
^^^ agreed, you waited too long to make a move. you are a just a friend. keep this up and that's what you will always be. let her go cry to her girlfriends.
This has been going on for over a year but before that I was the recipient of more attention from her for a good while.
How does this make me a pushover? I have my own life. Sure, I see her a lot but that's because of work. I have my own friends, family...I have a full schedule of activities constantly. I am not sitting around at home.
I don't pressure her for anything. I do nice things, but it's because I care and we're FRIENDS.
So, it's your life to live how you like. You can tell us all to go jump off a bridge and disregard any advice you receive here. My gut says that you wouldn't have posted the question in the first place if you didn't worry something might be wrong with what you were doing.
My concern is that if it's been a year of this, perhaps you're expending too much energy for too little reward and allowing life to pass you by. I knew a guy like that in college. He'd had a crush on this girl for 4 years. They were "friends." He doted upon her, would do anything for her, be her shoulder to cry on whenever she needed it. She got exactly what she wanted out of the relationship--a friend, and one who was completely devoted to her. But what he really wanted? Yup, he wanted to be her boyfriend. But she didn't feel that way, and she ended up marrying someone else right out of college. Of course he was crushed.
So, do what you want. But I would do some serious thinking about how long you plan to devote to doting upon someone who seems to offer you very little in return.
As chauvinist as it may say sounds...take my advice...
never take advice about women from women. Listen and observe other men who actually get women.
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