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I am pretty close to a co-worker and have genuine feelings for her. I know she cares about me and overall I think we have an excellent base for a relationship.
I always hear guys say that you cannot be "too nice" to a girl you want to be with. This has never made much sense to me. I don't see how being mean, cold, indifferent, and/or unsupportive in their time of need would cause someone to have feelings for you. Does the "cold" approach just work when you are looking for a "hook-up?"
I am just wondering how she may perceive my actions.
She is often moody and upset. I always do whatever I can to cheer her up and make her feel better whether it be via positive words, jokes, smiling, looking out for her, listening to her, reinforcing to her that things aren't so bad, etc. A lot of support. I also give her space too. I don't try to crowd her or ask too many questions.
On birthdays/holidays/other important occasions, I try to get her something that I know will mean something and something that also shows that I listen and made an effort. Now, I don't mean that I'll buy a 24K necklace...I mean a specific ice cream flavor and brand she has mentioned as a favorite, a book on a topic she likes...it's always something that I know has some real meaning to her. I have also surprised her with little things before--but I don't overdo it before anyone asks. And yes, I also receive gifts from her.
These are just some examples. I have been told by friends that I am a romantic. I didn't totally know I had this side to me until I began doing things for her.
So, does she look at these gestures and think "he's too nice...blah" or do these things help my cause as a potential and eventual relationship partner?
Why don't you ask her out on a date and see for yourself?
Sounds one sided to me ..make HER work for you. How you say? IGNORE her!! Ignore her good. Stop being so available. Sure it's a game.. but a game that works!!
What are these "other important occasions" in which you get her little gifts and what not? I'm not that into getting gifts and what not, but I can understand if it's for a birthday. I just wouldn't get her some kind of chocolate egg for Easter as I would save that for a girl who's more than a friend.
There's nothing wrong with being a good friend, but you may be entering the "friend zone." This girl may like you as more than a friend, but I just fear she'll meet a guy who will make a move faster. I'd just let her know how I feel by asking her out.
I am pretty close to a co-worker and have genuine feelings for her. I know she cares about me and overall I think we have an excellent base for a relationship.
I always hear guys say that you cannot be "too nice" to a girl you want to be with. This has never made much sense to me. I don't see how being mean, cold, indifferent, and/or unsupportive in their time of need would cause someone to have feelings for you. Does the "cold" approach just work when you are looking for a "hook-up?"
I am just wondering how she may perceive my actions.
She is often moody and upset. I always do whatever I can to cheer her up and make her feel better whether it be via positive words, jokes, smiling, looking out for her, listening to her, reinforcing to her that things aren't so bad, etc. A lot of support. I also give her space too. I don't try to crowd her or ask too many questions.
On birthdays/holidays/other important occasions, I try to get her something that I know will mean something and something that also shows that I listen and made an effort. Now, I don't mean that I'll buy a 24K necklace...I mean a specific ice cream flavor and brand she has mentioned as a favorite, a book on a topic she likes...it's always something that I know has some real meaning to her. I have also surprised her with little things before--but I don't overdo it before anyone asks. And yes, I also receive gifts from her.
These are just some examples. I have been told by friends that I am a romantic. I didn't totally know I had this side to me until I began doing things for her.
So, does she look at these gestures and think "he's too nice...blah" or do these things help my cause as a potential and eventual relationship partner?
OK, first of all I only read your first two paragrapsh and I'm sorry to say, if you don't know by now, it's best to be who you are...don't compromise your identity trying to be someone else to influence someone's feelings for you, b/c sooner or later yourself will surface. What you are planning to do is fake and isn't you. So, one day, if you did date this gal, she'd wake up and say, who is this guy? So, actually your being dishonest, that's number 1. Number 2 is, this, if this girl is always moody, and upset about something, she probably has some deeply rooted problems, and wouldn't be a good candidate for anyone as far as relationships go. Why would you want to take on someone else's problems? That is no way to start out a relationship...and it sounds to me, like she's been tramatized early on in life. People who are angry or upset all the time, really are in need of counseling, and would mentally drain you, not to mention, use you, and are not emotionally stable.
I would serioulsy re-evaluate what your looking for in a partner, if you would settle for something like this? Starting a relationship on someone else's problems, well, your only headed downward and setting yourself up to fail...you will never make her happy, you can't. If someone isn't happy already, no one else can make them happy.
I would serioulsy re-evaluate what your looking for in a partner, if you would settle for something like this? Starting a relationship on someone else's problems, well, your only headed downward and setting yourself up to fail...you will never make her happy, you can't. If someone isn't happy already, no one else can make them happy.
These are just some examples. I have been told by friends that I am a romantic. I didn't totally know I had this side to me until I began doing things for her.
So, does she look at these gestures and think "he's too nice...blah" or do these things help my cause as a potential and eventual relationship partner?
Well if you're been in the supporting mode for months and months then you're not romantically chasing her. You're just idealizing her.
Ask her out. See where you stand. Then if you're just friends, you shouldn't do any more or less for her than you would any other friend. If she's not into you then you shouldn't become the defacto support system for all of her drama. She should only get that right if you're dating her.
I am pretty close to a co-worker and have genuine feelings for her. I know she cares about me and overall I think we have an excellent base for a relationship.
I always hear guys say that you cannot be "too nice" to a girl you want to be with. This has never made much sense to me. I don't see how being mean, cold, indifferent, and/or unsupportive in their time of need would cause someone to have feelings for you. Does the "cold" approach just work when you are looking for a "hook-up?"
I am just wondering how she may perceive my actions.
She is often moody and upset. I always do whatever I can to cheer her up and make her feel better whether it be via positive words, jokes, smiling, looking out for her, listening to her, reinforcing to her that things aren't so bad, etc. A lot of support. I also give her space too. I don't try to crowd her or ask too many questions.
On birthdays/holidays/other important occasions, I try to get her something that I know will mean something and something that also shows that I listen and made an effort. Now, I don't mean that I'll buy a 24K necklace...I mean a specific ice cream flavor and brand she has mentioned as a favorite, a book on a topic she likes...it's always something that I know has some real meaning to her. I have also surprised her with little things before--but I don't overdo it before anyone asks. And yes, I also receive gifts from her.
These are just some examples. I have been told by friends that I am a romantic. I didn't totally know I had this side to me until I began doing things for her.
So, does she look at these gestures and think "he's too nice...blah" or do these things help my cause as a potential and eventual relationship partner?
Does she do these types of things for you too? Does she bring you ice cream on your birthday and cheer you up when you are upset, or do other types of friendly things for you? If so, then yes, you might have some potential for a great relationship. What could be better than finding a partner in a good friend?
On the other hand, if your relationship is all about doing things for her, and listening to her troubles, and making her feel supported, then no, I don't think there is any potential there except to be treated like a doormat. That's what "too nice" refers to: people who allow themselves to be used in hopes that the objects of their affection will wake up and notice them.
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