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Does she do these types of things for you too? Does she bring you ice cream on your birthday and cheer you up when you are upset, or do other types of friendly things for you? If so, then yes, you might have some potential for a great relationship. What could be better than finding a partner in a good friend?
On the other hand, if your relationship is all about doing things for her, and listening to her troubles, and making her feel supported, then no, I don't think there is any potential there except to be treated like a doormat. That's what "too nice" refers to: people who allow themselves to be used in hopes that the objects of their affection will wake up and notice them.
I agree with this, nothing wrong with being nice if it is returned back to you. Otherwise you become a doormat. And becoming a doormat is what we mean when we say "nice guys finish last" or being a puppet on a string.
1. Yes she does do these things for me. If I am not myself for even a minute she will begin with the "what's wrong?...are you okay?" type of questions. But the fact of the matter is that she is an emotional girl.
I do not think her moody/upset days/periods are because she is a bad person...I think it has more to do with hormones and things like that. What am I supposed to do when she is sad? Ignore it? Give her grief for it? I give her space and am helpful/nice/supportive.
I don't "listen to her troubles." Her mood swings don't have anything to do with adverse things. I have analyzed this to the nth degree. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to her moods. I have wondered if she may have a stronger version of PMS or something.
I don't find anything wrong with being a good guy. But I always read stories/anecdotes of how being nice can make a women think less of you romantically.
I think if I was unattractive my actions could possibly put me in the "friendzone." Luckily, I am very strong in the looks department which I am sure helps my cause. And actually, I was not attracted to HER at first. She is the one that had the interest, but I don't think she expected me to reciprocate. The situations were reversed.
We're great friends but there is strong potential for more. My friends tell me that being in a relationship with her will be extremely difficult because of her up and down nature. I know that but I still care about her and would do my best to make it work.
I don't find anything wrong with being a good guy. But I always read stories/anecdotes of how being nice can make a women think less of you romantically.
I think if I was unattractive my actions could possibly put me in the "friendzone." Luckily, I am very strong in the looks department which I am sure helps my cause. And actually, I was not attracted to HER at first. She is the one that had the interest, but I don't think she expected me to reciprocate. The situations were reversed.
We're great friends but there is strong potential for more. My friends tell me that being in a relationship with her will be extremely difficult because of her up and down nature. I know that but I still care about her and would do my best to make it work.
Yes, being in a relationship with someone who is very moody is usually more difficult. Your friends are right about that. Usually the healthiest relationships are between two people who are both happy and secure in their own skin, and both bring that happiness and security to the relationship. So if she's always hot/cold, you can expect that to be the case even if you were dating. Think carefully about whether you want that.
From where I'm sitting, it sounds like she expressed some interest a long time ago and you didn't reciprocate. Now, months (a year?) later, you expressed interest, and she gave you some excuse about it not being the right time, or something, right? My concern is that you will tie up years of your life hanging onto this girl's arm when it turns out she just likes you as a friend and nothing more.
I don't believe in the "friend zone" in the way that some guys describe it, like it's a penalty box girls place guys in with a conscious decision. I believe there's either attraction there, or there's not. A girl can't make herself attracted you if there's nothing there--no matter how handsome you are or how you grovel at her feet.
For what it's worth, the act of groveling at her feet (which is how you come across to me with memorizing her favorite ice cream and surprising her with treats and remembering her favorite movies and bringing little gifts on every holiday) is not necessarily an attractive one. Most women want a strong man, someone who is confident in himself and who knows his own worth. Your behavior isn't saying that right now. Yes, women want to be treated well. But there should be some give and take with that. Her asking what is wrong when you look distraught is not what I'd call give and take.
Quite honestly, I'd bring the subject up and not waste any more time pussyfooting around it like you're waiting for any scraps she throws like an adoring puppy. Tell her point blank that you're interested in her and ask for a date. If she says no or gives any string of excuses (basically anything but a "yes, I'd love to") then I'd turn the fawning down a notch. I really don't think it's helping for your case, and for all your denials here, I think you know it too or you wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Good luck to you.
I am pretty close to a co-worker and have genuine feelings for her. I know she cares about me and overall I think we have an excellent base for a relationship.
I always hear guys say that you cannot be "too nice" to a girl you want to be with. This has never made much sense to me. I don't see how being mean, cold, indifferent, and/or unsupportive in their time of need would cause someone to have feelings for you. Does the "cold" approach just work when you are looking for a "hook-up?"
I am just wondering how she may perceive my actions.
She is often moody and upset. I always do whatever I can to cheer her up and make her feel better whether it be via positive words, jokes, smiling, looking out for her, listening to her, reinforcing to her that things aren't so bad, etc. A lot of support. I also give her space too. I don't try to crowd her or ask too many questions.
On birthdays/holidays/other important occasions, I try to get her something that I know will mean something and something that also shows that I listen and made an effort. Now, I don't mean that I'll buy a 24K necklace...I mean a specific ice cream flavor and brand she has mentioned as a favorite, a book on a topic she likes...it's always something that I know has some real meaning to her. I have also surprised her with little things before--but I don't overdo it before anyone asks. And yes, I also receive gifts from her.
These are just some examples. I have been told by friends that I am a romantic. I didn't totally know I had this side to me until I began doing things for her.
So, does she look at these gestures and think "he's too nice...blah" or do these things help my cause as a potential and eventual relationship partner?
Please continue being nice. If she is a nice girl herself, she won't be attracted to cold people. Besides, it seems that she needs emotional support. She will appreciate you for this. I actually got married because someone made me feel good (even if I wasn't really attracted to the guy chemichally /sexually/romantically. Not that much anyways. )
Seriously you might as well give up now. And save yourself a lot of grief. Just let it go.
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