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I remember the first time I asked a guy out. It was in college. It was a guy I had seen around a lot, I had a class with one of his friends, but he lived in my dorm. Eventually we started chatting a bit. I started sitting with him in the cafeteria if I saw him there (he was always sitting by himself). So after a few weeks of this I started crushing on him. (We had great chats, but prior to that he pretty much kept to himself besides that one friend.) Anyway this guy was started giving me hugs, hanging out in my room, sitting with me in the cafeteria. So I totally got up the courage to ask him out. BURN! He said he wasn't interested and them proceeded to ask me about my friend.
We still hung out a bit after that...I moved on. Less frequently. And we eventually had a falling out. A completely nonsensical one. He was mad that I didn't introduce him to my parents when they came to visit. LOL! Mixed signals to the max from this guy! (Actually this happened to again with a former crush a few months later, we could never get the timing right, but he got annoyed at me for not introducing him to my parents. We didn't even ever go on an actual date! What guys want to meet the parents? Sheesh.)
I didn't really trust my instincts after that and was completely gun-shy for a while. Can you blame me? It is definitely hard. I don't have a problem with small talk/introductions. But asking someone out is really hard for me.
i think most shy, quiet guys, or guys with social-anxiety or any other social disability will agree with this, even I will admit it, since I have High-Functioning Autism, Asperger Syndrome, the asking out part, asking the girl out is not really that hard, it's more of talking to the girl for the first time and the other times down the road in order to build up attraction, flirting, getting to know eachother in order to land that first date, because most girls are not going to say yes to a guy that asks them out when they have not had a couple of conversations, flirting yet, basically entertaining the girl, making her laugh.
Regarding the asking out part, the hard part about that is that you don't want to ask out too soon(because that looks desperate, needy, clingy, trying too hard), and you don't want to ask out too late, because the girl can eventually lose interest, friend-zone you, or another guy can beat you to it, the famous old saying "you snooze you lose"
How do you do it without appearing too direct to the point where you scare him, though? I have never been successful. Perhaps I'm just too outspoken.
i don't know what you look like, but if you're honest with yourself and you're not really that attractive (by men's standards, not your own) then that's likely what the problem is if you've never had any success asking. in that case it's a fool's errand.
Seriously, there's nothing wrong with taking the intuitive! In fact, I think its easier for women to approach the man they want then men approaching women. Women can just simply break the ice easier and read men much better then us men read women, so they know when a guy is attracted to them. Us men in the other hand (most of us), can be so stupid and oblivious to how women may feel about us.
For example, I made a thread a while back but I don't remember what the title of the thread was but the topic was similar to this but more about my cousin not wanting to approach this guy she liked because she felt that it wasn't a womens job to approach a guy in ANY way. We argued since then about this stupid idea in her head on way she thinks women can't ask guys out. We debated to no end on this but finally, she figured she'll take my advice.
So, to make a long story short, her and the guy she met at the college have gotten to know one another but he was very shy but she felt that he was attracted to her. This whole time he just thought (from what she told me) that she just liked him as a friend. She really liked him and got tired of waiting for him to ask her out so she finally listened and did the rare thing by asking the guy out. In the end, things worked out well and they are now an item.
He takes more intiative now in terms of dating and all that but she agree's that it wasn't so bad to ask a guy out.
So all I am saying to you women is; if there's a guy you really want, don't fret, go for it!! There's nothing wrong with women approaching men and like I mentioned, its even easier for women!
Not to say us men will never make a move but c'mon, more so than not most of us men suck at approaching women, correct?
American women who like shy guys approach shy guys. Women who like to collect notches on their belt approach good-looking guys, the more the merrier. Women who are really hot to trot approach almost any guy, anywhere. I've known guys who complain about women grabbing at them in public, brushing body parts against them, getting aggressive. True, women "don't nearly approach men as men approach women", but that's not what you posted at first. You posted "it's never going to happen with American women." You were wrong.
Women don't approach guys for the most part because they don't have to. The reason why guys do it is because if we don't, we wont get any action
Pretty much. Even average to below average women get approached. If you're most guys you can't stand around and wait for the women to approach.
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