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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,033,063 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChinoCochino
I fell in love with an woman visiting the US on a visitor's visa. During her visit as we fell in love I began to get the impression that she was the kind of woman who wouldn't be truly happy if she lived a life without luxury (money, expensive vacations,etc.) even if the guy she was with loved her.
At the time my parents agreed to be the financial sponsor to help me bring her over to the US permanently since there are financial requirements set by the US INS to do such a thing. Without my parents help I would not be able to meet this requirement as a financial sponsor.
Later my parents had a falling out with her and said they wouldn't agree to be the financial sponsor anymore.
She told me it was ok and that we should fight for our love and she could live poor(relatively speaking) if necessary. The only viable option I could see was to move over to another country where she lived to be with her. I guess I could have found some kind of job over there but I had serious concerns that she was fooling herself and wouldn't be completely happy living a life devoid of money/luxury.
She said she would let me decide the fate of our relationship and she would agree with whatever I decided. I decided that we should break up and she should find a man who could make her fully happy (money wise + love). Since I feel she had all the qualifications(beauty, masters degree education, good personality) to find such a man I thought I was doing the noble thing in letting her go. She thought it was just because I didn't love her.
But at the time I really thought I was doing the best thing for her long time interests. Recently I stumbled across her Facebook (right side of facebook page has people you may know) and learned she got married to somebody who is rather well off compared to me financially and his family seems to be well off also. In my mind it validates my decision to let her go.
Yes I would and did. I let him go because his dad felt I'd hold him back and I didn't want to be blamed for doing that so I turned down his marriage proposal. I regret it but then I feel that if he wanted me that bad he'd have fought for me. He didn't.
Quote:
I began to get the impression that she was the kind of woman who wouldn't be truly happy if she lived a life without luxury (money, expensive vacations,etc.) even if the guy she was with loved her.
I wonder why it is that it's okay with men if a woman is like this if she's a foreigner, but if she's American and like this, she's a low-life gold-digger.
At any rate, I think it's obvious you made the right decision. Some men are okay with a woman being with them just for his money. Some are not. If you had been well off would you have been happy knowing in your heart that that's why she was with you?
I wonder why it is that it's okay with men if a woman is like this if she's a foreigner, but if she's American and like this, she's a low-life gold-digger.
At any rate, I think it's obvious you made the right decision. Some men are okay with a woman being with them just for his money. Some are not. If you had been well off would you have been happy knowing in your heart that that's why she was with you?
Trust me there are people who call her a gold digger. Especially my parents. And if it doesn't work out with her current husband he will
probably call her that even if it isn't true.
I feel it is unfair if a woman wants both money and love but they will be called gold diggers by many people. What is so wrong to want to have the best of both worlds if it is possible? So if I was well off I would just think she was one of these women who wants both. Especially since she was really convincing in her love for me. After all she was the one who said she was willing to fight for our love even if it meant we lived a not so luxurious lifestyle. But ultimately she left the decision up to me.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,033,063 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChinoCochino
Trust me there are people who call her a gold digger. Especially my parents. And if it doesn't work out with her current husband he will
probably call her that even if it isn't true.
I feel it is unfair if a woman wants both money and love but they will be called gold diggers by many people. What is so wrong to have the best of both worlds if it is possible? So if I was well off I would just think she was one of these women who wants both. Especially since she was really convincing in her love for me. After all she was the one who said she was willing to fight for our love even if it meant we lived a not so luxurious lifestyle. But ultimately she left the decision up to me.
Saying and doing are two different things. What's better, someone who says I love you, or someone who SHOWS they love you?
Saying and doing are two different things. What's better, someone who says I love you, or someone who SHOWS they love you?
That's true that I'll never know for sure if she was really willing to do this. But what possible evil motive would she have to offer this? She already knew my parents were against us and would not agree to be the financial sponsor when she said this.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,033,063 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChinoCochino
That's true that I'll never know for sure if she was really willing to do this. But what possible evil motive would she have to offer this? She already knew my parents were against us and would not agree to be the financial sponsor when she said this.
Never said she had an 'evil motive', per se. But people do, all the time, say things they don't really mean....things they have no intention of following through on...things they think we want to hear... I mean, most foreign women don't seek out American men because they're supposed to be such a great catch. They seek them out because they think we have it so much better over here, that we're all rich. Or because they want to escape some miseries of their own lives.
Are you unhappy in your own life now, that's why you're looking back and wondering what might have been? That's no crime. But it would appear very apparent you made the right decision. If anything could make you believe that would it make you want close the book on this chapter? Just curious. Don't answer me. Answer it for yourself.
I feel it is unfair if a woman wants both money and love but they will be called gold diggers by many people. What is so wrong to want to have the best of both worlds if it is possible? So if I was well off I would just think she was one of these women who wants both. Especially since she was really convincing in her love for me. After all she was the one who said she was willing to fight for our love even if it meant we lived a not so luxurious lifestyle. But ultimately she left the decision up to me.
It's only unfair if the woman is willing to go earn the money herself.
When I thought, "I want to be rich," someone else creating the situation for me never entered my head. I meant to do it myself.
I feel it's more that I'm curious what would have been (either good or bad) had I made the opposite decision.
Like what if my parent's hadn't moved me to a different city. How would have my life turned out differently kind of scenario.
I guess I can be too curious for my own good. You know the old saying, "curiousity killed the cat".
Or killed the marriage. I can't imagine how your wife would feel if she found your post.
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