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I'm curious as to what you think a successful relationship is? i.e. If a relationship ends before a couple marries do you consider it a failure?
And if a relationship does make it to marriage what constitutes a successful marriage in your eyes? For example how many years does a marriage have to last or how many children have to be born, etc.
I'm guessing your standards are probably ridiculously high. Like you have to stay married until one person dies.
I'd say any relationship where one party has to leave the partnership unwillingly is an unsuccessful relationship. If one wanted to divorce/break up and the other one didnt et al. So, barring a mutually agreed upon dissolution under mutual and independent motivations [i.e. i want to leave you because you cheated on me and you cheated on me because you weren't happy, does NOT count as mutually independent] , about the only other category that would fulfill my criteria is the widow scenario. So yeah pretty much the stock of society's temporal relationships I consider a failure. If somebody is getting the short end of the stick and/or is getting left out, the relationship was a failure. The psychology of Serial Monogamy is repulsive to me.
I'm curious as to what you think a successful relationship is? i.e. If a relationship ends before a couple marries do you consider it a failure?
And if a relationship does make it to marriage what constitutes a successful marriage in your eyes?For example how many years does a marriage have to last or how many children have to be born, etc.
I'm guessing your standards are probably ridiculously high. Like you have to stay married until one person dies.
Failures are a part of life, I can own mine and live with them.
Successful relationships or marriage is a combination of things, someone who sees your flaws and loves you inspite of them, supportive, willing to allow the other persons growth without fear of loss, honesty, healthy communication while respecting difference of opinions. Enjoying the other s company and able to work thru difficulties.
The Invitation Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, And if you dare to dream of meeting Your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love, for your dream, For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, If you have been opened by life's betrayals, Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, Mine or your own, Without moving To hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, Mine or your own, If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty Even when it is not pretty every day, And if you can source your life From its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, Yours and mine, And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, Weary and bruised to the bone, And do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone With yourself, And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments.
Sounds like you feared mommy and daddy and poverty a bit too much.
This part is definitely wrong. As I posted earlier I said I already in the past went against the wishes of my parents and moved in with a girl for 2.5 years who they strongly disapproved (basically hated) of. And while I was with this girl I was basically at poverty level.
My wife joined the forum and said she is going to post under the username ChinoCochinoswife. Pardon her English since English is her second language. Should be interesting.
Oh, my goodness! We'll have the Cochinos now after the Chows, the Dogwalkers, and some others who'll remain unnamed 'cause I'm not like (some of) them !
Frankly, I wouldn't want to share such a forum with a BF/husband...
I fell in love with an woman visiting the US on a visitor's visa. During her visit as we fell in love I began to get the impression that she was the kind of woman who wouldn't be truly happy if she lived a life without luxury (money, expensive vacations,etc.) even if the guy she was with loved her.
At the time my parents agreed to be the financial sponsor to help me bring her over to the US permanently since there are financial requirements set by the US INS to do such a thing. Without my parents help I would not be able to meet this requirement as a financial sponsor.
Later my parents had a falling out with her and said they wouldn't agree to be the financial sponsor anymore. She had a falling out with his parents because her mother faxed to ask for 2 houses to put under her and his name from his parents. Even thought, his father bragged it first. His father felt bad and had insomnia. later, his father took a sleeping pill and had a fall-down accident. This accident cause his father having an intracranial hemorrhage.
She told me it was ok and that we should fight for our love and she could live poor(relatively speaking) if necessary. The only viable option I could see was to move over to another country where she lived to be with her. I guess I could have found some kind of job over there but I had serious concerns that she was fooling herself and wouldn't be completely happy living a life devoid of money/luxury.
She said she would let me decide the fate of our relationship and she would agree with whatever I decided. I decided that we should break up and she should find a man who could make her fully happy (money wise + love). Since I feel she had all the qualifications(beauty, masters degree education, good personality) to find such a man I thought I was doing the noble thing in letting her go. She thought it was just because I didn't love her. Actually, they just met each other for like 2 weeks at that time. They even didn't have a "real" fight yet. He felt their love was perfect.
But at the time I really thought I was doing the best thing for her long time interests. Recently I stumbled across her Facebook (right side of facebook page has people you may know) and learned she got married to somebody who is rather well off compared to me financially and his family seems to be well off also. In my mind it validates my decision to let her go.
After I showed the pictures of this girl's husband. He said he was as ugly as a beast which I thought it's okay. I think he just felt jealous.
Successful relationships or marriage is a combination of things, someone who sees your flaws and loves you inspite of them, supportive, willing to allow the other persons growth without fear of loss, honesty, healthy communication while respecting difference of opinions. Enjoying the other s company and able to work thru difficulties.
So even if all of the qualifications which you mention are met do you have a time minimum for it to qualify as a successful relationship or marriage according to you?
Or can it be like a one year marriage with all of these qualifications met and then divorce yet it is still a success to you since there was at least a year of good marriage.
My wife joined the forum and said she is going to post under the username ChinoCochinoswife. Pardon her English since English is her second language. Should be interesting.
So even if all of the qualifications which you mention are met do you have a time minimum for it to qualify as a successful relationship or marriage according to you?
Or can it be like a one year marriage with all of these qualifications met and then divorce yet it is still a success to you since there was at least a year of good marriage.
Does a marriage have to last a certain amount of time before it can be considered a success according to you?
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