Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: England, somewhere, maybe the moon actually
41 posts, read 47,030 times
Reputation: 61
Advertisements
Well, hi guys, I have been reading this forum for ages and it always make me laugh my socks off so I thought I'd finally register as now I could use some great advice from all you wonderful people out there.
So here goes, met this great guy, known him for about 18 months, he lives in my street, we used to cht sometimes etc and he invited himself round a couple of times but I always refused. Then I had to pop to his one eve to ask him about something and he invited me in etc, I said no as had kids at home etc so he came round to mine, had a great eve chatted etc. Lovely. We text like mad for the next couple of days, things got a bit steamy and then yes you got it, he came round and we had sex.
I know that was really daft but hey I can't turn the clock back.
So he continued to text me everyday and call, wqe would get together a couple of times a week, he has kids, big job etc and is really busy and its the same for me. We both agreed early on it would be exclusive, he said this is lovely cos we like each other and there are obviousy some feeling there.
Anyway 2 1/2 months down the line after he has started the chat two weeks running he is being all weird. I have a feeling he wanted more and because I thought he didn't I said FB was ok and now I'm really confused.
Sorry this is long but hey men are so hard.
So for 2 1/2 months he text/calls everyday, we see each other 1/2 times a week. All is good, he starts the chat, brings up all this hypothetical stuff like what if I fall for him then it would be awkward, so I turned the tables and said well what if you fall for me and I didn't feel the same you'd hate me, he said he could never hate me if he loved me. He is being odd about being exclusive now and seems to think if I get with another guy we can just carry on.......ugh no we can't. If i act cool he gets upset, if I indicate its just about the sex he gets upset, yet when we discuss the options of it being more than sex he runs a mile. We have progressed from just being really horny and f****ing to going at it for hours, last weekend we could have been one body it was so intense. Ok I am 30, I've had my fair share of relationships, FB and all that, so I think I have enough knowledge to say I think he felt more. Since sat night I had not heard from him until this morning, which he has never done before.
Both of us have discussed past relationships etc and how we have both been badly hurt, I find it hard to commit and open up and I think he does too. So what do I do? Instigate a chat (he was the one to instigate it both previous times), lay the cards on the table, get rid or just blindly carry on? Ps he is 45, divorced, 3 kids, works long hours, always knackered.
HELP, I feel like i'm going insane, one minute he wants me next he doesn't, I don't need this S***e, be with me or not with me. Does it really have to be this hard.
Sounds like a classic case of a guy who isnt really ready to settle down again with 1 lady but doesnt want to share you. I think you should tell him to commit or be gone. You are both adults. Not teenagers.
'ell Belle! Go round the pub,have a stout or 3 and forget 'bout him!
Ugh...annoying....find a new one. You are making it hard in yourself by playing into his game. The crap he says sounds like something a 16 year old would spew. Say what YOU want. Don't change your opinion of it because he does. If he doesn't fit the bill in what you want there are plenty of others out there that may.
And by the last sentence...this is not what you want.
Sounds like a classic case of a guy who isnt really ready to settle down again with 1 lady but doesnt want to share you. I think you should tell him to commit or be gone. You are both adults. Not teenagers.
'ell Belle! Go round the pub,have a stout or 3 and forget 'bout him!
^----- this. Make him be a man and commit or get him out of your life. He'll either come back later on and ready to give you what you want or you'll at least have someone out of your life that is not helping you move forward in life.
Location: England, somewhere, maybe the moon actually
41 posts, read 47,030 times
Reputation: 61
Thankyou so far, its good to get outsiders views on this covering a broad range of opinions.
Suncc49, we have supposedly had the talk twice at his instigation but we just go round in circles and end up just going off chatting for hours about something else.
Do you think that maybe I should bring up the subject?
A few weeks ago he told me he thought about me all the time.
I do really like him and on last weekend during convo I said well I suppose I have just not met anyone I am willing to make time for, he asked haven't met or don't want to meet. I said haven't met....... did I blow it???? Also he asked if I'd have a relationship with him to which I replied yes I would - he asked why and I said cos we get on really well, we laugh together, feel very comfortable in each others company, attracted to each other and are compatibe sexually. No answer came the stern reply...change of subject. Why'd he ask then??????? Rest of eveing carried on as normal.
I think he is scared I sure as hell no I am but then I would see it like that cos I would like to see if we have any future together be it a few years or thirty years. I feel there is some sort of connection between us that I cannot even begin to describe and have never felt before with anyone.
Thankyou so far, its good to get outsiders views on this covering a broad range of opinions.
Suncc49, we have supposedly had the talk twice at his instigation but we just go round in circles and end up just going off chatting for hours about something else.
Do you think that maybe I should bring up the subject?
A few weeks ago he told me he thought about me all the time.
I do really like him and on last weekend during convo I said well I suppose I have just not met anyone I am willing to make time for, he asked haven't met or don't want to meet. I said haven't met....... did I blow it???? Also he asked if I'd have a relationship with him to which I replied yes I would - he asked why and I said cos we get on really well, we laugh together, feel very comfortable in each others company, attracted to each other and are compatibe sexually. No answer came the stern reply...change of subject. Why'd he ask then??????? Rest of eveing carried on as normal.
I think he is scared I sure as hell no I am but then I would see it like that cos I would like to see if we have any future together be it a few years or thirty years. I feel there is some sort of connection between us that I cannot even begin to describe and have never felt before with anyone.
Just enjoy the time you have with him than and dont' stress him out since its pretty clear from what you'd posted that he's just not ready yet. Signs are that he will be though so don't let your own fears get in the way of enjoying what you have right NOW. If he's not ready he's not ready and pushing the issue will if anything push him away.
I don't know. I think I may be reading more into this that is there, but do you have actual feelings for this man? I feel like you, as well, are sending mixed signals, from your posting.
You are fwb but exclusive? How does that work? We are going to just have sex with one another, not have feelings for the other. At the same time, we agree it will only be the two of us. Isn't that a commitment in itself?
Belle1180....Capt. Dan hit the nail on the head.....he's just fishing.....he likes the passionate sex...he's doesn't want to share you....he doesn't want to committ.....The reason he asks you if you'd commit to him, and then he says nothing, is simply to find out if he's going to still have that great sex with you or not...he knows that if you feel that way about him...he's got you...at least for a while...until you figure his game out....good luck!
Sounds likehe likes you a lot, has some feelings for you, but is afraid or reluctant of a commitment. That is why he doesn't like the FWB label, but runs from suggestion of a more committed relationship.
I think you need to decide what you want out of the relationship, and where you would like it to go, and tell him straight out. If he cannot handle that, then I would look for someone who can meet those expectations.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
