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I don't understand the purpose of cheating.... If you want to sleep around then don't be in a monogamous relationship; it's pretty simple. Why do people get a thrill from being in a committed relationship and then cheating if they can get away with it? I guess they just don't have any self pride.
I don't think it's that simple. I don't think most people get married thinking, "I can't wait to cheat."
I've always thought mothers with children at home were the last to be suspected of cheating. Until I was a mother with a child and began having them as my circle of friends. It makes no difference, and I can't relate to any of it. My husband traveled and I could have "gotten away with it" many times, but I wouldn't have gotten away with it from myself.
Not only have I not been ok with the concept of doing that to someone who trusted me, it literally never became an idea. I guess it's bc I never let myself be in that situation. If a guy was flirting with me or acting suggestively, I just avoided him, or played dumb. Not interested. It's not something that "just happens" it really seems -IMO- that one has to be open to and accepting of that to happen, or it doesn't.
I've always thought mothers with children at home were the last to be suspected of cheating. Until I was a mother with a child and began having them as my circle of friends. It makes no difference, and I can't relate to any of it. My husband traveled and I could have "gotten away with it" many times, but I wouldn't have gotten away with it from myself.
Not only have I not been ok with the concept of doing that to someone who trusted me, it literally never became an idea. I guess it's bc I never let myself be in that situation. If a guy was flirting with me or acting suggestively, I just avoided him, or played dumb. Not interested. It's not something that "just happens" it really seems -IMO- that one has to be open to and accepting of that to happen, or it doesn't.
This makes a lot of sense and I think is the crux of it.
There are some people that a taken person shouldn't associate it with heavily. I believe that if someone is in a situation where attraction can occur, it will. I am the same way with people who get a little "too comfortable" with me. Case and point, there was a guy who had a major crush on me in the past. (When we were in our late teens.) I believe he is maybe a year or so younger than me, he just got married and has a child on the way. Recently we got back in touch.
He was initiating conversation a bit more frequently after I wished them well, talking about how he really wants to see me in person. I was picking up vibes and backed off. That's dangerous territory for me. I just think it takes an understanding about who one is. If you're a person who experiences attraction easily, you might have to limit your contact with certain people. Either way it goes, a person should always check themselves and others.
I know a lot of people say you can't control your feelings and you shouldn't be locked away in a relationship. However, a barrier exists, and for a lot it's hard to find/see.
I work in a heavily male dominant industry and I have little interaction with women. Even if I did I would still act how I do now. I wouldn't be alone with women and I conduct myself as if Mrs Chow is next to me. Years ago I got caught up in a work place harrasment issue. I didn't hardly interact with this woman but she said all three of us in our small department were responsible for her feelings of being in a harrasment setting. I don't like Mike pence but I agree with him on being alone with female co-workers and long before all of this #metoo business I've been wary of being alone with women. I got so unfairly burned n the past that I just ain't taking any chances anymore.
I use to work in a store that sold a lot of celebrity and show business magazines and one thing I noticed is that on the covers, they would often how how a male Hollywood celebrity, would be caught cheating on his wife. Not that I cared at all, it was just a job I needed to pay the bills, and I couldn't help but notice the magazine covers in my spare time.
But they never showed it the other way around and no female celebrities ever seemed to be caught. So either men are cheating a lot more, or the magazines are biased and do not want to report on female celebrities infidelities as much compared to men, I am guessing?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
But they never showed it the other way around and no female celebrities ever seemed to be caught. So either men are cheating a lot more, or the magazines are biased and do not want to report on female celebrities infidelities as much compared to men, I am guessing?
Or, women aren't being caught at the same rate.
From what I see, women are just far better at being less obvious.
From what I see, women are just far better at being less obvious.
This is true. A study was done on people who were on a cheating site, who had affairs over a period of years. Over 90% of the women had never been caught, compared to over 80% of the men. Women are more attentive to clues, I think, when their spouse cheats, and often seem better at hiding things when they cheat.
I think the OP misquoted the results, which appear to be that 74% of men and 68% of women in that study would hypothetically cheat under hypothetical consequence free conditions.
In addition, does this really say much? If you think it through, not getting caught means no emotional pain for the cheated on partner, no pregnancy, no STIs, no emotional attachment to the other person in the affair, and generally none of the factors that threaten the existing relationship. Do very many people today really enshrine sexual fidelity much beyond the security it seems to provide for the relationship? And I say seems because about 93% of us, when told we can't open a door, become captivated by what secrets might be behind the forbidden door.
This makes a lot of sense and I think is the crux of it.
There are some people that a taken person shouldn't associate it with heavily. I believe that if someone is in a situation where attraction can occur, it will. I am the same way with people who get a little "too comfortable" with me. Case and point, there was a guy who had a major crush on me in the past. (When we were in our late teens.) I believe he is maybe a year or so younger than me, he just got married and has a child on the way. Recently we got back in touch.
He was initiating conversation a bit more frequently after I wished them well, talking about how he really wants to see me in person. I was picking up vibes and backed off. That's dangerous territory for me. I just think it takes an understanding about who one is. If you're a person who experiences attraction easily, you might have to limit your contact with certain people. Either way it goes, a person should always check themselves and others.
I know a lot of people say you can't control your feelings and you shouldn't be locked away in a relationship. However, a barrier exists, and for a lot it's hard to find/see.
I sometimes say that I cannot control my feelings, but... It's not like this for me.
If I'm in "taken mode" I just don't feel attraction, or desire, for others. I just don't. And I have those boundaries up, so if, like you say, I feel that "vibe" that a guy is interested and starting to aim that kind of focus in my direction, my immediate reaction is "WHOA DUDE BACK OFF." Even if objectively I can analyze in my brain that he would totally be my type if I were single and available, I feel no temptation whatsoever.
I don't avoid situations or contact or friendship, with men or with anyone. I just am wary of keeping my boundaries intact. And I've got some idea of who I can trust and how far I can trust them. The one guy I've mentioned here and there, who is a rare soul for my group, who has made me feel pressured and uncomfortable... He SAYS he has no agenda, he SAYS that he just wants to be my friend, but you know, I trust my spidey senses when they tell me he would gleefully take as much as he can get away with. And the only reason he's saying reassuring things to me, is he doesn't want me to shut him out. He, incidentally, is a handyman. I predict that one of these days he'll offer to come to my house to fix something, and do you think I want him to know where I live or visit me at home? Nope, not a chance. I simply don't trust him. But I'm not going to let that make me avoid MY social space just because he's in it. I was there, first!
So. Boundaries.
Oddly the only person who remains even remotely tempting in any way, of any interest to me whatsoever, is NOT someone new, it's someone I had before, and enjoyed a lot, and just kinda wish I could have continued an ongoing FB interaction with long-term. If I'd remained poly, and had left myself the provision built into my relationship from day one, that I could continue to go see fling dude once every few months or something...well, I can wish that would have worked out. But it's all good that it didn't. He's problematic. It's no use. And I am glad to instead offer my partner the security of monogamy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I think the OP misquoted the results, which appear to be that 74% of men and 68% of women in that study would hypothetically cheat under hypothetical consequence free conditions.
In addition, does this really say much? If you think it through, not getting caught means no emotional pain for the cheated on partner, no pregnancy, no STIs, no emotional attachment to the other person in the affair, and generally none of the factors that threaten the existing relationship. Do very many people today really enshrine sexual fidelity much beyond the security it seems to provide for the relationship? And I say seems because about 93% of us, when told we can't open a door, become captivated by what secrets might be behind the forbidden door.
I dunno, for me, the "forbidden door" holds zero appeal. I look at people I have not yet had sex with, the hassle and likely disappointment, knowing that the odds they'll be a very enjoyable lover for me are extremely low. I'm with an exceptional partner now. The aforementioned fling guy is the only other one I've had who comes close to giving me what I like. So the others...the very idea of engaging intimately with some unknown seems like a waste of time. I find it funny that some would think, a very experienced woman like me would have a hard time being faithful or committed. If anything I'm experienced enough to know better. Most people simply don't have to offer what I need, so if I've found one who does, I know how valuable that is. Others of unknown compatibility don't interest me. Even with no "consequences" at all, I'd rather stay home and work on a puzzle or read a book. Or interact with them socially instead of physically. Conversation is more stimulating than sex, with a ridiculous majority of people (to me.)
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