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I agree with everybody who suggests taking this with a grain of salt, just as one needs to with all of these pseudo-scientific studies. This and other things like it are disgusting and can only be damaging to society. It's getting out of hand. It's the young, naive, magazine readers who will believe this crap and let it screw with their minds. It's predatory and sociopathic to publish crap like this.
Anybody who has entered into what is understood to be a traditional, monogamous relationship should honor that and if they make the huge decision to change those conditions they should communicate and let their spouse know. Unfortunately it seems some folks sort of use their spouse for comfort and security while finding relations elsewhere. Folks need to choose what they want and not use or mislead somebody else if they don't want a traditional, monogamous relationship. Cheating is a sociopathic behavior.
For those who truly want a loving, sustaining, monogamous relationship, they know that cheating, whether it will ever be officially found out or not, will damage the energy of that relationship and lead it down hill.
I agree with everybody who suggests taking this with a grain of salt, just as one needs to with all of these pseudo-scientific studies. This and other things like it are disgusting and can only be damaging to society. It's getting out of hand. It's the young, naive, magazine readers who will believe this crap and let it screw with their minds. It's predatory and sociopathic to publish crap like this.
Anybody who has entered into what is understood to be a traditional, monogamous relationship should honor that and if they make the huge decision to change those conditions they should communicate and let their spouse know. Unfortunately it seems some folks sort of use their spouse for comfort and security while finding relations elsewhere. Folks need to choose what they want and not use or mislead somebody else if they don't want a traditional, monogamous relationship. Cheating is a sociopathic behavior.
For those who truly want a loving, sustaining, monogamous relationship, they know that cheating, whether it will ever be officially found out or not, will damage the energy of that relationship and lead it down hill.
As far as I can tell, cheating is greed.
i somehow doubt it. that would mean most women married a devil instead of the prince charming they remembered at the alter. i will never defend cheating. but both people swore on the alter to fulfil their obligations. what if only ones does? and how does that feel after 5 years? the assumption that the person at home is a model wife, and the pitiful abused object of a devil husband, is very popular, but i think false.
the "no sex no food" policy is common to most marriages. its just not brought out in public.
more than once at the office, i have eavesdropped the bragging sessions on how they put one over on old baldy,-- no food, no sex, and lots of credit spending. is this the loving and trusting relationship that you were saying guys should be grateful for???
instead of demonizing men on this thread, how bout talking a bit about the women that target married men? why no blame there? why? she is a victim too of the devil man??? omg!! btw interesting gullivers travels observation. in greece, no matter how bad the guy's behavior, its always the woman who is to blame
but here its exactly the opposite.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 11-10-2011 at 09:20 AM..
whenever i see injustice on a large scale it bothers me.
women who are cheating is very high right now. cheating is a no penalty crime. a crime of opportunity not gender.
as to divorce, the majority are not getting burned, its 50/50. the men are getting burned. women are doing great.
women are in no hurry at all to change the system. but it is changing. marriage is down 50%. guys are dumb when in love but even an amoeba avoids electric shock over time.
there is one thing that puzzles me whenever we have these types of conversations on CDF, i never hear from the mothers of sons who have been cheated on and taken to the cleaners in divorce court, never.
they remain always strangely silent.
in private they talk to me about it, but in public never.
No they really aren't. Just look at the statistics (check multiple studies to be on the safe side). Divorced women aren't doing all that great and the men are definitely not burned, for the most part.
If the so-called statistics are at all accurate, it's sad that so few people have integrity. Integrity is doing what's right - even if no-one is looking or you'll never get caught.
Anyway, I don't think society is in "moral decline." I think it's just that human nature is being recognized for what it is rather than having artificial standards imposed mindlessly. I'm not a believer in monogamy anyway, but I do believe in responsible non-monogamy, which precludes cheating.
"Anyway, I don't think society is in "moral decline."
Touche' For some reason people always will say that we are currently in some sort of moral decline. It's just on the surface these days. when Kennedy was Pesident the News media would not even bring up his affairs. Now you have Reporters trying to scare up the dirt on every candidate. You can go back to almost every period of time and find examples of this. Franklin, and many founding Fathers were major Players and we still hold them up as heros? Human beings have selective memory For Sure!!
"responsible non-monogamy" That would be a hard sell to many. I only know of 1 couple personally, that has that arrangement in a marriage.
No they really aren't. Just look at the statistics (check multiple studies to be on the safe side). Divorced women aren't doing all that great and the men are definitely not burned, for the most part.
well 1/2 is true. divorced women are not doing great, after 5 years when the settlement runs out, that is when they wana be buddies again w the ex. and yes i have read the many studies. but when they first initially slap old baldy around with a lawyer and get that 1st big fat check it does feel ever so good doesnt it.??? its like working, telling the boss,
"like take this job and shove it", 1st few days feels great, til the rent is due.
as to your comments about men doing great. that is like mugging me in the ally and then saying if i come out of it alive & somehow pieced my life together again, is proof that you really did no real harm and the charges should be dismissed.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 11-10-2011 at 12:02 PM..
No they really aren't. Just look at the statistics (check multiple studies to be on the safe side). Divorced women aren't doing all that great and the men are definitely not burned, for the most part.
I don't rely much on statistics, but I have 2 dear friends (they don't know each other) who financially supported their husbands through law school, only to be handed divorce papers soon after they passed the bar, just before they started reaping the fruit of their lucrative profession. One of them became my SIL...blissfully, she recovered from that experience, wiser...without bitterness.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I've learned--both from experience and by watching others--to never say, "I'd never do that" while looking at someone who's doing that. It could be years from now. It could be tomorrow. You could very well end up in their shoes asking not to be judged for doing that. After all, who sets out in a marriage to be a cheating spouse?
I've learned--both from experience and by watching others--to never say, "I'd never do that" while looking at someone who's doing that. It could be years from now. It could be tomorrow. You could very well end up in their shoes asking not to be judged for doing that. After all, who sets out in a marriage to be a cheating spouse?
this is a great post u got rep. and turned out to be very true for me.
i used to think all cheaters should be shot on sight. u cant undo what you have done but you can stop the harmful behavior and make amends to those harmed.
but sometimes that means leaving a dead and loveless marriage. ultimately the cheater is responsible for what they have done. but those who have created the temptation should not be held guiltless but always are.
behind most cheating there is a loveless marriage.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 11-10-2011 at 08:45 PM..
I've learned--both from experience and by watching others--to never say, "I'd never do that" while looking at someone who's doing that. It could be years from now. It could be tomorrow. You could very well end up in their shoes asking not to be judged for doing that. After all, who sets out in a marriage to be a cheating spouse?
I agree with the above! In general, no one sets out in a marriage with a preconceived cheating mindset.
Sadly though, there are instances where people marry with hidden agendas. For instance, women who marry old rich men for their money thinking that they can get what is lacking by cheating...or of my 2 friends who were taken advantage of by unscrupulous men.
I think society sends us mixed signals about monogamy and cheating. We give applause and praise to a couple that stays married acknowledging how hard it is to stay married, but we think by simply saying the words "I do" is how we do it. We define the sex act as making love, but in marriage the sex act can take on many definitions as a; bargaining chip, reward, chore, or satisfying a physiological need. I think many people have that perfect scenario were they feel they would be vulnerable to cheating so they avoid it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe we should look at marriage as something that is not a natural condition for two people. People want very bad to be a spouse or a parent because modern society has placed more value on them than that of being a single person.
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One of them became my SIL...blissfully, she recovered from that experience, wiser...without bitterness.
