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It's my thought that you have to be attractive to attract love. And I'm not referring to physical although you become more physically attractive when you feel good. People are attracted to charisma, vitality, warmth, desire, laughter, inner happiness and peace. Find that in yourself and you will attract someone to share it with.
Age is a number that only holds importance to those identifying themselves by it.
When I first joined CD, I too made a thread about my frustration with dating after divorce. It was a looooong one. Anyway, someone sent me a direct message asking me a very simple question: What do you have to offer a man? I had to reply with the truth: I have no idea. The person suggested that I give it some thought and come up with an answer for myself. Boy was he right. It took me a while to figure it out, but once I did I started letting those qualities I have shine, and everything turned around for me.
I think you are right, we all need to do this. Unless you are a 40 year old wealthy man, or a 23 year old super-hot gal, you need to bring something to the table.
One thing I do think is true, people who have an SO when they are older, are happier than the ones who are alone. If you want an SO, there are plenty out there, but you won't meet one at home on the sofa. You might meet someone on line, many do. I think it is better to find some worthwhile activity, and make friends.
I know I could if I wanted to, or put an ounce of energy into it. I choose not to. I like being alone. I was married before, and was emotionally battered, I just can't even think about it.
One thing I do think is true, people who have an SO when they are older, are happier than the ones who are alone. If you want an SO, there are plenty out there, but you won't meet one at home on the sofa. You might meet someone on line, many do. I think it is better to find some worthwhile activity, and make friends.
I know I could if I wanted to, or put an ounce of energy into it. I choose not to. I like being alone. I was married before, and was emotionally battered, I just can't even think about it.
Same here. Being married was so awful that I don't want THAT again--but that's the rub. I regret that I will probably go to my grave not knowing what it would be like to have a partner who speaks and behaves kindly, has rational, intelligent conversations, and can be responsible for himself.
I wonder, though, if I've grown so accustomed to being alone that I would have difficulty making room for another person in my life in that way if one did ever show up.
When I was in my 20's I never thought about getting married or having anyone in my life, like a wife, GF. In my 30's I started to hope I would find someone at some point I guess I jumped at the person I thought was for me. Once I got married I thought this was it & everything would be great & that I would grow old with the women I married. At 43 I'm not sure where to start or how to start all over. My relationship with my first love seems to be on the brink of being shot down, or so I'm assuming I guess it's easier that way. I think it was easier not worrying about wanting to be with someone. Yet, it's hard not to think about every where you go you see people out with thier GF's/spouse's,etc. They look happy sure, they have thier problems but for that moment they are happy. He's holding her like the world might end at any moment & he realizes how much she mean's to him. Then that's when you want someone again & you seem willing to take that chance. Yet at 43+ how many more chance's do you really have? To be honest I'm not sure if I want to know how many more I have.
Once I got married I thought this was it & everything would be great & that I would grow old with the women I married. At 43 I'm not sure where to start or how to start all over. I think it was easier not worrying about wanting to be with someone. Yet, it's hard not to think about every where you go you see people out with thier GF's/spouse's,etc. They look happy sure, they have thier problems but for that moment they are happy. He's holding her like the world might end at any moment & he realizes how much she mean's to him. Then that's when you want someone again & you seem willing to take that chance. Yet at 43 how many more chance's do you really have?
True words Reed. It seems like everywhere I go everyone is a couple and I am a single. I feel like a 3rd wheel most of the time and I'm tired of always being the odd numbered one. But not tired enough to settle for someone that isn't right.
True words Reed. It seems like everywhere I go everyone is a couple and I am a single. I feel like a 3rd wheel most of the time and I'm tired of always being the odd numbered one. But not tired enough to settle for someone that isn't right.
I wish I could make you understand how much I know what your going though. It's funny I love my GF & we're in this LTR that seem's to be going down in flame's. I hope I'm wrong about that part. Anyway's I have this beautiful redhead out west who is nuts about me. One phone call & she would be here within the week. In the same breath I wouldn't be fair to her or myself. I would end up breaking her heart because I'm still head over hills in love with my GF. Truth is I'm not sure I'll get over her I haven't in 20 year's. So do I risk breaking this other women's heart because I don't want to be alone? We get along great she's funny, intellegent, sexy, etc. The anwser is no. No matter how temped I would be.
Well, even though I didn't own a car (had a motorcycle), didn't have my own place (rented a furnished room in a condo) and had a $9.50 per hr job, my wife still fell in love with me after we met!
What I did have though: a great sense of humor, loved to cook, a love for rodeo, could squaredance and 2-step. I gave her nice Hallmark cards and flowers. She told me "I have never got flowers at work before!" We wrote each other a poem about meeting each other. I'd put on my Western attire and her eyes would light up BIG......same for me when she'd put on her Western or Squaredance clothes.
I didn't have a thing to bring into the relationship, but had personality she wanted. I had no problem sharing and neither did she. During the 1 year we lived together, she had an engagment ring on for 10 months before we got married. After moving in with her, I changed from receiving my paycheck in an envelope, to having it deposited in her account.
Here I "thought" I'd been in love before, but found out what REAL love was like being with her and married to her!!
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