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FUnny how this thread is the exact opposite of one I started a month ago about women over 40 having more options dating now than when I was 40 as I really think we do. We can go older or younger, but often these options may not be found in the cyber world of dating sites....
So that's what the new generation is about - can't use words correctly, make up words and demand info they have no need or right to have.
I'm with curmudgeon - as I've stated often before - I'm 62 and in a 14 year relationship after being married for 28 horrible years. Life began for me at 50 and it gets better day by day. I've got 20-30 years left and I intend to enjoy every day. I have several single women friends who are beating the men off with sticks. Nice guys but these women are so happy with their lives at this time, they see no reason to encumber themselves. I also have friends who entering into relationships - now, in their late 50s. marriage isn't the goal. Lasting relationships do not have be sanctioned by the government.
Get out, live. When you're happy, you'll find yourself surrounded by those who are enjoying life and you will probably meet someone. But for now, just enjoy. There's so much to do.
BTW, take a cruise - there are some for seniors, too. If you want tips/advice on how to cruise inexpensively, just ask me.
I can understand that. The guys I've been attracted to have a youthful energy about them. My current one, extremely so. I dated him 30+ years ago and he puts his 20-something self to shame. I couldn't date them if they couldn't keep up with me.
There ya go!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
One point your post does remind me of is this...there really can be someone out there for just about anyone.
True, dat.
My sneaking suspicion is that were I ever to date again, if I ended up with someone significantly older, it would be because he is young for his years and approaches me because he thinks I am younger than I am! D'OH!
Actually, that bears out what others on this thread have said. Meeting people in person, by chance, allows a natural interaction and chemistry to evolve that would overrule search parameters in online dating.
But FWIW, I knew both my wasband and SO online first, the first through a hockey group, the second through a bird group. There were no dating intentions. In fact, both had other women at the time, and their break-ups had nothing to do with me. Heck, I gave the wasband dating advice! Long story, but by the time I got around to dating either of them, it was a year and a half for the first (we met when I arranged a group happy hour for the whole board, but then he got sent to Bosnia for a year), and eight months for the second (we met when I came to the area looking for places to live). Point is, there were no search parameters in place, like there are on dating sites.
Honestly? Dating sites narrow the pool too much, methinks.
FUnny how this thread is the exact opposite of one I started a month ago about women over 40 having more options dating now than when I was 40...
And that is the difference right there.
For dating purposes, however loosely one defines that, all sorts of options exist and can work well too when BOTH parties understand that limit and whatever the ages are from 20 to 90.
But when you're looking for more than just dating...
especially when that is something that resembles monogamy and commitment...
that dear lady is far more complicated.
It's not as bad as the 30's-40's were with the active responsibilities for school age kids and ex's and mortgages and job aspirations... but whatever you've been doing professionally is either there or not at this point and probably winding down too and that has all sorts of implication about what sort of latitude you have for future complications...
And those complications are usually closely related about an imbalance in the other aspects of relationship with some one (beyond the interest in fine dining and walks on the beach)... finding actual honesty about if not actual parity in that financial status, health, closteted skeletons and so forth... yeah it can be tough to find that balance.
Point is, there were no search parameters in place, like there are on dating sites.
Honestly? Dating sites narrow the pool too much, methinks.
"Methinks" so too (ain't Shakespeare grand! )
Meeting people online in interest groups is a good way to go as you get to know the "person" first, and not the age, weight, occupation...blah, blah blah. AND often these work out fine! Or... you can do it in real life like I did, for once you walk past someone 4-6 times a day, you are BOUND to start talking no matter the age difference!
And as for going younger, you know how I stand on that....
So that's what the new generation is about - can't use words correctly, make up words and demand info they have no need or right to have.
I'm with curmudgeon - as I've stated often before - I'm 62 and in a 14 year relationship after being married for 28 horrible years. Life began for me at 50 and it gets better day by day. I've got 20-30 years left and I intend to enjoy every day. I have several single women friends who are beating the men off with sticks. Nice guys but these women are so happy with their lives at this time, they see no reason to encumber themselves. I also have friends who entering into relationships - now, in their late 50s. marriage isn't the goal. Lasting relationships do not have be sanctioned by the government.
Get out, live. When you're happy, you'll find yourself surrounded by those who are enjoying life and you will probably meet someone. But for now, just enjoy. There's so much to do.
BTW, take a cruise - there are some for seniors, too. If you want tips/advice on how to cruise inexpensively, just ask me.
Wiser words were never spoken my friend
Anyone who doesn't get this is just their own worst enemy.
Life kept me really busy since my divorce. That's another story, and not the focus of my post here.
I was busy going to school, earning a living, supporting my kids. I didn't have much time for any social life, especially when I worked nights and weekends. Or when I had to move 3 times in 10 years to stay employed.
In the decade I have been divorced, I have had very few dates. I find it very hard to meet men, so, online dating seemed like a good idea. Bad idea. Lots of gameplayers and marrieds on them. I found that now that I am over 50, no one contacts me. I get told I look young for my age. I don't have man hair. I haven't lost my, ahem, drive.
But no one contacts me because they can't get past the age. I looked at a lot of the profiles of men +/- 10 years of my age. Okay, not to be critical, but I will be critical, because this is the same criteria they use...they look old. And they are rejecting me. Do they really think they are going to get someone who would be their daughter's age to date them? Maybe if they have tons of money, but that is a whole other game, the golddigger.
When I try to contact someone, I get rejected, bounced, because I am not the right age for their parameters.
It pains me to think I might go to my grave not ever really knowing and loving a man, or being loved back. I always thought it was something that would happen in life. I wonder if anyone falls in love anymore, or is it simply lust.
All of this screening, long, scripted profiles...seems to somehow take away from the sheer enjoyment of trying to meet someone.
Someone sees one little thing, and bingo, they move on. Like a kid in a candy store, the ribbon candy comes in about 50 flavors and colors. He just can't make up his mind. And he just can't chose one, because something better just might come along.
I wonder if others feel like I do. I hear that the divorce rate is 50%, but I don't see 50% of the adults from 21 to 99 as singles. Everyone seems to be married. Men say they don't want to be "tied down", "lose their freedom", etc., but how come so many are married? Just to have kids?
There is nothing wrong with me. I don't have a third eye. I am intelligent and a decent person. I am traditional, but I get the feeling that gets interpreted to mean dull or boring, and I don't think I am. I am not trying to brag, this is just my own assessment of me.
Where are the decent people? Please don't say "church" because churches are families, and nothing is colder than being around a lot families when you are single.
Is it a lost cause for anyone over 50?
Yes, I can relate. I am 53, also divorced ten years, also tried the online dating route, and have had to face the hard fact that I will likely always be alone now and will also never have experienced being loved (I was married once and have one college-age child.) Your sentence that I bolded, above, fits me perfectly. I really thought it would happen for me someday and it has taken a looong time to accept that it likely won't. Our society bolsters that fantasy--that there is someone for everyone, or the treacly "lid for every pot". It's simply not true. It still bothers me sometimes, but not as often. I've tried to harden myself to the fact.
You are absolutely correct about church--church can be the loneliest place on the planet if you are looking for social contact, especially a romantic partner. It's either families...or single women.
That doesn't mean YOU are doomed. As some have pointed out, others have met and found love past 50. It just isn't common for most over-50 women to find someone as it is for an over-50 man.
I think what it boils down to, and what made me personally realize that I was doomed in the romance arena, is the answer to the question, did you have men interested in you when you were younger? If so, then you might have a good chance of meeting someone in the future. I didn't, and my only choices for dates, even was I was younger were alcoholics, people who needed me. Hey, I could still go to the local bar and find someone, I'm sure! I don't want that again, though. I'd rather be alone. I do what everyone says to do--keep busy, keep active, join things, and now I do them without hope of meeting anyone, but rather for my own satisfaction.
But yeah, it can feel crappy. The loss of hope feels crappy, no way around it.
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I don't want that again, though. I'd rather be alone. I do what everyone says to do--keep busy, keep active, join things, and now I do them without hope of meeting anyone, but rather for my own satisfaction.
