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I would venture to guess these are possibilities :
1. The person is wired for a lifelong relationship with one person in marriage. Being single for any great length of time seems foreign and not in their makeup.
2. The person may have come out of a marriage without desiring to .
3. Frequent lonliness due to little interaction with others.
4. The desire for wanting to go as deep as they can with someone , emotionally , physically, and spiritually ... whom they consider their Soul Mate and not wanting a shack up situation to accomplish it.
5. Living in a culture where women are viewed as a temporary sexual quest for a copulation and nothing more.
6. The desire for permanent companionship .
7. The awkwardness/fear of a Single Woman (particularly) when it comes to doing things in public on their own .
8. The increased risk of assault for the woman (particularly) whereas it might be reduced if she had a husband at her side most of the time.
9. The stigma often associated with people who are single , particularly above 30 years of age, that they 'should' have found someone by now .
10. The fear of being taken advantage of (women particularly) when it comes to car repairs, home repairs , etc...
11. Possible myriad of self esteem issues for feeling like a fish out of water and having to do everything alone.
Those reasons make sense, I guess. I would think, though, that if a person has plenty of self confidence, an independent spirit and faith in themselves it wouldn't be so bad.
Having just read through this whole thread, whatever I have to say won't be of any use to the OP as she's apparently already decided she's had enough. But good grief, with all due respect, what an attitude she has and I honestly don't wonder why she has a problem when she bites back with such ferocity and with almost no justification, trampling on even the kindest responders.
Just for the record, I'm almost 66 and although I'm not looking for an intimate relationship at this stage (my skin suits me well and I'm beyond the point of having someone clutter my space!) I don't lack for dates at all and thoroughly enjoy the companionship of men my age, older and younger. There's no question that several of these dates would welcome more but "we be cool" with that! At her age I was actively (as in intimately) involved and certainly never even once considered that being over 50 meant I had one foot in the grave where relationships were concerned.
I really do feel sorry for her to be carting around such bitterness and frustration when she could be doing so much better if she kicked the 'tude.
IF you think I am being defeatist, you are mistaken. I tried a lot, and spent a lot of time and money. I will no longer pay for any dating sites or groups.
Since I have had to move several times this decade to stay employed, I find myself in another big city where I know no one. Like my post said, when working nights and weekends, it is very hard to meet people.
I am not shy, introverted, or withdrawn. I will talk to almost anyone. I am friendly, but I find most people just aren't looking to make new friends.
And the other poster, so men actually look at "settling down" at 60? OMG. So when younger women won't date them anymore, they will look at someone about their age? How is that a good thing?
If it isn't your defeatist attitude, then it is something else about you that people are picking up a vibe from. There is no reason that a person'a age of 50 should have any effect on their ability to make friends. I've worked a night shift and a day shift and I see that as an excuse rather than a reason for not making friends with people. Believe it or not, people actually leave their homes in broad daylight and are out and about. A perfect situation for other people with a smile on their face, looking for a new friend. Sorry, it is not your age, it is you. Re-read your post #22, you are not a very nice person, I see why you are having trouble. Like I said, it is you, not your age...
By the way, I was still dating when I was in my fifties. I sure wasn't looking for a younger woman, I was looking for someone who had a genuine love for life and could laugh. I had a chance to date and become seriously involved with a woman twenty years my junior, who was very smart and held a good job but someone my kids age was not for me. So, I've been where you are. I still make friends easily, but I'm also picky who I make friends with.
Last edited by Nite Ryder; 11-12-2011 at 10:45 AM..
I wonder what sites you have been using? I found many sites I wouldn't even consider. No, I don't want to see a pic of your 'junk'. And I'm not looking for a swinging threesome either.... Many sites are just too out there and avant-garde for me. I just wanted to find a decent, good, man who was looking for the same kind of woman. I'm not at all stuffy. I love sex. But I don't want to see all your private parts before agreeing to a coffee date. I guess that makes me conventional too. Honestly, I was just looking to date and see what was out there. I didn't think I would find anything 'long-term' and wasn't really expecting it. I did want to find out if anyone out there would ever be interested in me.
I used Plenty of Fish because it was free and looked relatively kind. I dated a few guys without any great interest. They were nice and OK. Some of them were just too OLD for me. And I mean old on the inside. I didn't care what they looked like. Some just wanted sex. With anyone who was still breathing. I didn't find that particularly fetching either. I figured I had a lot to learn and all that mattered was that I was making the effort.
I learned I was a hot property. Too many of the women in our age group are sporting the grandmagaveup look. For my age, I was hot.... Or at least not bad! I finally took the pics down from my profile because I was getting too many responses. I couldn't keep up. And the pics weren't slutty or sexy at all!
At the age of 54, I fell in love with a wonderful man. I found him and asked if he was willing to take a chance. Strange thing, he came up every day on my list of most likely matches and I never came up on his list at all. Maybe I was meant to contact him. He was willing to take a chance and I never sent him a photo before we met. We corresponded for a couple weeks and finally I had to just tell him to grow a spine and ask me out already. Three years later, we are still together and having a great life.
It can happen. Even to a wallflower like me. It can happen for you too. If you are attracting the type of men you don't want, change your profile. Update you too. Consider a new hairstyle and a couple date night outfits. Make you more contemporary. And don't give up. You will kiss some frogs!
This is too funny! You sound much like me. I found my fella on POF, he never came up on my matches because of his age, he was a little younger than I had in my search. But I came up on his, and he's someone that goes after what he wants, and he wanted me. We just started our third year together.
Life kept me really busy since my divorce. That's another story, and not the focus of my post here.
I was busy going to school, earning a living, supporting my kids. I didn't have much time for any social life, especially when I worked nights and weekends. Or when I had to move 3 times in 10 years to stay employed.
In the decade I have been divorced, I have had very few dates. I find it very hard to meet men, so, online dating seemed like a good idea. Bad idea. Lots of gameplayers and marrieds on them. I found that now that I am over 50, no one contacts me. I get told I look young for my age. I don't have man hair. I haven't lost my, ahem, drive.
But no one contacts me because they can't get past the age. I looked at a lot of the profiles of men +/- 10 years of my age. Okay, not to be critical, but I will be critical, because this is the same criteria they use...they look old. And they are rejecting me. Do they really think they are going to get someone who would be their daughter's age to date them? Maybe if they have tons of money, but that is a whole other game, the golddigger.
When I try to contact someone, I get rejected, bounced, because I am not the right age for their parameters.
It pains me to think I might go to my grave not ever really knowing and loving a man, or being loved back. I always thought it was something that would happen in life. I wonder if anyone falls in love anymore, or is it simply lust.
All of this screening, long, scripted profiles...seems to somehow take away from the sheer enjoyment of trying to meet someone.
Someone sees one little thing, and bingo, they move on. Like a kid in a candy store, the ribbon candy comes in about 50 flavors and colors. He just can't make up his mind. And he just can't chose one, because something better just might come along.
I wonder if others feel like I do. I hear that the divorce rate is 50%, but I don't see 50% of the adults from 21 to 99 as singles. Everyone seems to be married. Men say they don't want to be "tied down", "lose their freedom", etc., but how come so many are married? Just to have kids?
There is nothing wrong with me. I don't have a third eye. I am intelligent and a decent person. I am traditional, but I get the feeling that gets interpreted to mean dull or boring, and I don't think I am. I am not trying to brag, this is just my own assessment of me.
Where are the decent people? Please don't say "church" because churches are families, and nothing is colder than being around a lot families when you are single.
Is it a lost cause for anyone over 50?
Wow, nebulous -- I could've written the same post! Your experience is very similar to mine. I am a 57-year-old female and have been doing the online dating thing for about a year and a half. My experiences were similar to yours. I was just about to give up on that venue for meeting someone, when it happened out of the blue.
A little over four months ago, I sent a "Flirt" to a match on OurTime.com (a dating site for people 50 and over). He was flattered and wrote back, saying he is somewhat shy when it comes to dating and didn't think I'd reply if he sent me a Flirt first. (How refreshing, to find a man whose ego is not through the roof!) We met a few days later and have been dating ever since. I don't know whether it will turn into something long-term but it's a possibility, and I'm so happy with the way things are going.
I kissed a lot of frogs I met through POF and had only one date from an entire year of expensive membership in eHarmony, but three days after I joined OT, I connected with a very promising match. There's no telling when you'll cross paths with that special someone.
Don't give up!
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over at 50? apparently not. reading the posts there are many older women that are firm believers in internet dating and have no problem seeking younger men. women are amazing at marketing-- diligent and relentless shoppers.
i kid u not i knew a gal that had over 450 starbucks coffee dates all met her "prescreening list of requirements"--- rejected every one.
after awhile you get so good at interviewing, getting a date becomes secondary. it was the interview that was fun, like clothes shopping.
is this compulsive behavior?
i kind of wonder about all the applicants. was that a best use of their time?
the ad read something like this
honest, sincere relationship sought, no games.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 11-12-2011 at 12:30 PM..
i did get over it. doing great. the other poor devils (42 million since 1975) were not so fortunate.
is it over at 50??? no way.
i have a great friend at the jewish center, his name is M---- he has a tattoo on his right arm under forearm its a number. he was in 4 death camps, 2 in germany and 2 in poland, scheduled to die 2 times. he talks alot. some people would like him to shut up and get over it. to just forget what happened. they would like him to be a man and just shut up. but he does not. he is the most greatful person but he lets you know what they did to him and the others.
i think this is a very good idea. the people responsible dont want you to talk about it do they.??? it makes them very uncomfortable.
i admire his courage to speak out about something that people would rather forget. for most-- there can be no comparison, of any sort, ever to anything or anyone. sacred experience.
I haven't done the online dating- so no help there.
Volunteer, one of my passions and I meet the nicest people.
I know you said churches are for families.... ours has a very large group for Single Again- 40 and over.
They meet on a weeknight and have get-togethers outside of church. My older neighbors met there and have been married for 7 years now. Look at the large churches in your area for something like this.
And...how is that coming along for you ? How do you feel about a mandatory pre-marital class for EVERYONE wanting to be married which includes diligent study on conflict resolution , fighting fairly, Mate Selection, and other dynamics ? I think it should be offered in high schools and again during engagement .
Mandatory? No! Too much like Big Brother. Just don't ask me about having to pass a test before producing children!
As for the rest, coming along just fine. My wife and I just celebrated our 15th anniversary. We knew each other for five years before I asked her out and she hit every point.
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Is it over for over 50?
I found my fella on POF, he never came up on my matches because of his age, he was a little younger than I had in my search. But I came up on his, and he's someone that goes after what he wants, and he wanted me. We just started our third year together. 
