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As a woman, I still don't understand the "there are somethings you'll tell a gal, but not your husband"... really?
He's seen me GIVE BIRTH - there is NOTHING I'd tell a 'gal' that I wouldn't tell him. I not only suspect that I tell my husband the things you are referring to, but I tell him more details than I would EVER tell anyone else.
I know many other couples don't do this. Here's a TMI example - yeast infections. One of my close friends told me that she gets them, repeatedly, seeming NEVER to get past them before the next begins. I asked her if she bought enough cream for her husband to use as well... she was SHOCKED and APPALLED that I suggested it. Which is the reason she suffered for 5+ years with yeast infections. After I told her that, she finally asked her doctor, who supported what I'd said. 5+ years and it never occurred to her that she should've been sharing this with her dh - and when she did initially, he thought it was an STD. She called me and asked me to explain it to him, which I did.
My husband would NEVER ask a friend of mine for corroboration for something I told him. Never. But he knows I don't lie to him - by act or omission.
And no surprise... they were divorced later. Lies, even about things you think are 'no big deal' can kill a marriage just as easily as an affair.
I think that you are being a bit dramatic here.
First, I don't remember anyone saying anything about lying.
Second, there are times when I want to vent, and times when I want to talk to someone who understands. If I want to vent about my period, the catty women at work, or why I seem to gain five pounds by sneezing, I will vent to my husband. When I want someone who understands these things, I will talk to my friends.
I think that couples should do what works for them.
Last edited by mochamajesty; 01-03-2012 at 04:45 PM..
Lying by omission, is still lying. Big things or small. You're either being honest and truthful, or you're not.
So, because I chose to talk about the intimate details of my menstrual cycle with my girlfriends instead of my husband, I am lying by omission. Got it.
Omission is good. If my GF told me absolutely everything going on with her and her friends, my head would explode. Oversharing lol.
Not all information is equally valid or welcome.
I have to agree with this. If my husband knew everything I think he'd divorce me, simply because I'd probably drive him bonkers. I've got to filter some things.
If your wife/husband took your smartphone when it was lying around and read through your email for whatever reason what would be your reaction?
There are lots of reasons that don't involve being suspicious or nosy.
Frankly, if you don't give people a reason to be suspicious, they won't be...then this whole conversation is moot. If you are all like, "You are my spouse but I have secret conversations with my friends/etc," I can see why there would be problems. My spouse is an extension of myself. There isn't anything she doesn't already know, she is the first person I want to tell everything to, she is my sounding board and my gossip buddy (cuz I otherwise abhor gossip)...so no point in reading my emails.
So, stan, I guess we can assume that your spouse knows all these things you are posting on city-data, including that you label yourself "the quicker picker-upper"
We share the same email addresses neither of us could care less about the other reading our "personal" emails. If I notice in the header that it is addressed to him I won't bother opening it ( life's too short)but I often open some of his personal emails because they are not addressed specifically to him. Big deal. Neither of us minds. We also share a cell phone ( he has a work one which he only uses in emergencies or abroad as mine is really expensive to use out of the UK) as we are pretty much always out together.
He does not mind me reading his texts or listening to his voicemail and in fact often asks me to do so if he has forgotten his cell at home.
We have been doing this since we first started going out together 23 years ago. It was never an issue. We don't really have secrets from each other.
It means we have to be a little more careful when buying each other presents for example but we just tell each other to avoid looking in our own folders if possible. The possibility to do so is ALWAYS open.
Quite frankly if he can find anything secret in my emails or texts he can let me know about it as I don't know what those would be !!
We trust each other. Not to do so would just be too exhausting and counter productive. He has never done anything to make me doubt him and until he does so I shall carry on trusting him.
He often goes through my handbag to get change or money ( or my keys) and always tells me about it. The only thing that bothers me is that my handbag is neat and tidy and he always leaves it messy not knowing where to put things back. I occasionally will go through his wallets ( also telling him about it) for change or receipts ( I do the accounts ). Except I always put stuff back as it was...
My SO knows about ALL of my accounts with the exception to my private bank account as per our arrangement.
As a matter of fact he is standing right behind me as I type this.
I have nothing to hide.
Sometimes it is not a distrust that drives your SO to read your posts but a need to make sure that you are ok. For example if someone you loved thought that someone was abusing you via messages and they thought that you would keep that information to yourself and bottle that sort of thing inside and they just want to make sure you are ok that would be a different story.
Sometimes your SO just loves you enough to care a little too much.
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