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My SO knows about ALL of my accounts with the exception to my private bank account as per our arrangement.
As a matter of fact he is standing right behind me as I type this.
I have nothing to hide.
Sometimes it is not a distrust that drives your SO to read your posts but a need to make sure that you are ok. For example if someone you loved thought that someone was abusing you via messages and they thought that you would keep that information to yourself and bottle that sort of thing inside and they just want to make sure you are ok that would be a different story.
Sometimes your SO just loves you enough to care a little too much.
In a relationship where you, by agreement are submissive and subservient your partner definately should be concerned you'll permit those behaviors in other areas of your life and need to protect you...bc they love you so much.
My SO knows about ALL of my accounts with the exception to my private bank account as per our arrangement.
As a matter of fact he is standing right behind me as I type this.
I have nothing to hide.
Sometimes it is not a distrust that drives your SO to read your posts but a need to make sure that you are ok. For example if someone you loved thought that someone was abusing you via messages and they thought that you would keep that information to yourself and bottle that sort of thing inside and they just want to make sure you are ok that would be a different story.
Sometimes your SO just loves you enough to care a little too much.
Why am I thinking of Lennie in 'Of Mice and Men' right now.
In a relationship where you, by agreement are submissive and subservient your partner definately should be concerned you'll permit those behaviors in other areas of your life and need to protect you...bc they love you so much.
I don't wish to thread hijack and I know we have had our run in the past but I truly do not wish to fight. I would however be interested in you better explaining your point of view to me via PM if and when you have the time.
I would also like to note that I have not been abused in that fashion but my mother has. Not only was she raped by her female school teacher her first husband also raped my older brother when he was just a baby. These are incredibly painful issues to talk about and any man worth his salt, BDSM relationship or not, who finds out about or suspects that their partner is having a traumatic experience I think would want to help in anyway they could even if they only thing they can do is to lend and ear or to give their SO someone to confide in.
I don't wish to thread hijack and I know we have had our run in the past but I truly do not wish to fight. I would however be interested in you better explaining your point of view to me via PM if and when you have the time.
I would also like to note that I have not been abused in that fashion but my mother has. Not only was she raped by her female school teacher her first husband also raped my older brother when he was just a baby. These are incredibly painful issues to talk about and any man worth his salt, BDSM relationship or not, who finds out about or suspects that their partner is having a traumatic experience I think would want to help in anyway they could even if they only thing they can do is to lend and ear or to give their SO someone to confide in.
In my opinion theres not a sharp contrast, one is simply agreed to the other is not.
In my opinion theres not a sharp contrast, one is simply agreed to the other is not.
Just to clarify you mean there is not a sharp contrast as to why a SO would violate the private of their love as opposed to those whos arrangement is agreed upon in the first place because you feel that it is an invasion of privacy in both cases regardless of any possible motive?
Sorry if it seems like I am putting words into your mouth. I certainly don't mean to. I am just slightly confused and am seeking clarification.
Just to clarify you mean there is not a sharp contrast as to why a SO would violate the private of their love as opposed to those whos arrangement is agreed upon in the first place because you feel that it is an invasion of privacy in both cases regardless of any possible motive?
Sorry if it seems like I am putting words into your mouth. I certainly don't mean to. I am just slightly confused and am seeking clarification.
In response to the second paragraph. Anything further would be going off topic.
First, I don't remember anyone saying anything about lying.
Second, there are times when I want to vent, and times when I want to talk to someone who understands. If I want to vent about my period, the catty women at work, or why I seem to gain five pounds by sneezing, I will vent to my husband. When I want someone who understands these things, I will talk to my friends.
I think that couples should do what works for them.
I agree with you. To each their own. There is no right answer. However, the problem with this poll is that the options are either yes, it's an invasion of privacy or no, because I have nothing to hide, which then makes it seem that those answering yes are because they have something to hide.
Privacy does NOT equal having things to hide and being up to no good. Our thoughts are private, so if you don't share every single thought that goes through your mind with your SO/spouse, then you're hiding something?
As one male poster replied, there is such a thing as oversharing. I don't believe our partners want or need to know everything about every conversation we have, whether verbal or in written format. Half the time it's probably not even something that private, it just isn't necessary to know or be shared.
If you don't trust your partner, that's a problem on its own, not whether or not you can access and read their emails. If someone wants to hide something from you, they will find a way. It's not like everyone is only allowed one email account.
I agree with you. To each their own. There is no right answer. However, the problem with this poll is that the options are either yes, it's an invasion of privacy or no, because I have nothing to hide, which then makes it seem that those answering yes are because they have something to hide.
Precisely why I didn't use the poll examples. Yes or no is too vague under every circumstance.
No. The comment you quoted was an aside. Not a direct comment on the op's question. I wouldn't snoop.
And yes...I have been with people who cheated and lied, etc. Boy, howdy.
The thing is, that is exactly WHY I don't care if my wife is in 'my' stuff (which is all really 'our' stuff in my mind)...and why I am never suspicious or snoopy or whatever...because I know that no matter how much you worry or snoop or try to control, you can't stop that from happening. So just let it go and live your life. Jealousy is about control, not about love.
Theres a mentality thats prone to need to snoop, oversee and invade.
Similar to a partner who would listen in on an extension phone to hear the conversation.
The suspicion is percieved in their mind and has nothing to do with actually cheating or being lied to, although they may try to justify the invasion. Its unfounded.
It stems from their own insecurity and issue of power and control.
Last edited by virgode; 01-04-2012 at 09:02 AM..
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