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Robyn - Right now, your anger is healthy. The "fear" that you have of the stbx-MIL's influence on your children is normal. Once you have the court hearings and get everything settled, you will feel better and not as worried.
Robyn - As someone said, you held your anger in for a long time before venting it VERBALLY. I honestly think that a lot of that anger you held in is what impacted your health....don't get me wrong - I'm not saying you made knowingly made yourself sick - the emotion of anger that was buried was making you sick. Yes, you have very real medical conditions but the repressed anger worsened them - as you yourself said, you started feeling better once you made up your mind to leave and started the process...during that process, while you didn't really express the anger "we" see now, you were "venting" the feelings and started to feel physically better. Again, yes, you have the medical conditions and need meds, etc., but in general you are feeling better, right?
IMO, anger at this time is healthy - reliving the night when they hauled you away is natural. Will you ever forget that night? I doubt it, but the memory of it will lessen with time. What you are doing now is going through the period where you are re-evaluating all that happened at various times in your life with TJ, which I believe is a normal thing to do....some of these memories will hit you right between the eyes - it happens.
There will come a time when you will no longer feel the anger, it will be subtle, you'll think of something, have a flash of anger, then it will be gone. Next time, you'll think of it and it will be an "oh yeah, I remember that" type of thing. Right now, your brain is starting the process of what I call "flushing the toxins" - in doing that, you are remembering a lot of things - you need to remember them in order to flush them if that makes any sense?
I think I've said here that I'm now married for the third time. In my first marriage, when my husband told his mother we were engaged, her first reaction was, "You're kidding...WHY would you want to marry her? You can do so much better...you're kidding, right?" She didn't know at the time that I was on a phone extension waiting to hear her joy - OY! <g> I should have known then that there were going to be problems. When I was 6 mos. pregnant and he left me for another woman, the woman was his mother's age! He obviously needed a mother figure, not someone who was going to BE a mother. In any case - I went through a period such as you are now - I remembered EVERYTHING, the more I remembered, the angrier I got. With time and the fact that we had a child in common, the anger left. I always made sure the ex HAD THE OPPORTUNITY to be involved with his son - many times he had other things to do, etc., but he had the opportunity and it was his choice not to do something. His mother was around, as was the new "love of his life." Anyway, time went on and he and I pretty much buried the hatchet and, while not friends, we are cordial to one another. I'm not sure I would have gotten as far as I did without the anger I had at that time in my life, the "reliving" of events (too much to go into here, this is note is long enough already! <g>) - the anger is what allowed me to go on and keep going with what needed to be done, which is why I feel the anger is important for you now - it helps to give you the strength to get through the next few months.
Once you have everything taken care of in the legal sense, I think you'll find the anger will start to dissipate. Right now you're still in "limbo" so to speak, nothing legal, TJ being as changeable as a chameleon, on and on. You will be fine and you won't hang onto the anger any longer than your "psyche" feels you need to - there will come a point where your brain, if you will, will tell you it's okay, we don't need the anger now, we can go on and heal.
Good lord, I just re-read what I wrote - if anyone can make sense out of what I'm trying to say - God bless you! <g>.....My only excuse is I haven't had my coffee yet and I gotta get to work!
Everyone is clearly trying to say that we've been there and we understand.
The anger is a good sign right now - it shows that you are taking control of your life back. It allows you to rise above the depressing emotions and galvanizes you (50 cent word!) to move forward.
I still have lightbulb moments - 12 years later......it's normal and it's part of the growing process.
As someone else said - once you get past the first court date - with all of the scary unknowns you'll be much better. When the courts are "invited" in to make decisions regarding your children it's scary. Even though everyone tells you not to worry - of course you will.
You will always have the tj thorn - he will probably never change - you'll just be able to handle it without the anger and emotion. The opposite of love is not hate - it is indifference - not sure who said that earlier in this thread - but it is very true.
Take the 5 year plan - in 5 years is this still going to matter - it is still going to hurt?
You are so much stronger than TJ and you always have been - he has always known it - that is why he has always put you down. Now he's scared because you aren't under his thumb. You won't take "revenge" because that is not your nature - but it is his and that is why he is freaking.
I do agree with the others about not talking to him and that will be so much easier next month when you get a custody agreement.
Just think - one more month - let that be your mantra!!
It takes a good person with a little help from heaven by way of an Angel or two to beat back evil. But you did it. You were able to put it back into its box where it now lives very unhappily ever after, a victim of it's own stupid self. And now you've got the keys...Praise The Lord!
sun, I think you and the rest of us are saying the same thing...just a different way of presenting it.
What happened to Robyn that night was wrong and evil. I think we would all like to see it as a positive growth experience, and she is doing that....very well.
Hey, Rob....talkin' about you as if you aren't here again. Sorry.
(((Huggers!!!)))
Quote:
Originally Posted by sun
We know.
It takes a good person with a little help from heaven by way of an Angel or two to beat back evil. But you did it. You were able to put it back into its box where it now lives very unhappily ever after, a victim of it's own stupid self. And now you've got the keys...Praise The Lord!
It takes a good person with a little help from heaven by way of an Angel or two to beat back evil. But you did it. You were able to put it back into its box where it now lives very unhappily ever after, a victim of it's own stupid self. And now you've got the keys...Praise The Lord!
Everyone, one day all of this will be a good thing. I am hoping this minute that there are others just reading along, maybe ever since where is the love, but just afraid to pop their heads out.
So many of you did just that. You have been where I have been, where I am at, and where I am going. You are open, and willing to share your time, and experience with me, and others, and it is so very helpful, and much appreciated.
I sit here, a couple of tears trickle down my face. I sit in amazement and wonder, of the great people I have before me. All of you , at some point in time chose to jump in here with me, and thank you so very much for that.
This is going to be something so much bigger...one day.
Last edited by Pikantari; 10-23-2007 at 12:36 PM..
I talked to the landlord this morning about the front porch light.
A and I tried to replace it when I got home last night, but its just too high. He did one of them for me...BONUS!
It was only a half day, but really, it bit. I am going to rest until I have to take A to the orthodontist, and then whatever! (((((((((((((HUGS!!!!))))))))))))
Everyone, one day all of this will be a good this will be a good thing. I am hoping this minute that there are others just reading along, maybe ever since where is the love, but just afraid to pop their heads out.
So many of you did just that. You have been where I have been, where I am at, and where I am going. You are open, and willing to share your time, and experience with me, and others, and it is so very helpful, and much appreciated.
I sit here, a couple of tears trickle down my face. I sit in amazement and wonder, of the great people I have before me. All of you , at some point in time chose to jump in here with me, and thank you so very much for that.
This is going to be something so much bigger...one day.
My dear Robyn, we all have such respect and love for you; because you have opened your heart to us on these pages, we are blessed indeed to be knowing you and to be a part ~ however tiny in this cyberspace ~ of all that is taking place in your life. When you hurt, we are sad and suffer with you. And when you experience the peace and joy of this new life for you and the children, we feel such a joy also.
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Haven't heard from MsV....
