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I went on a date with a man I met on match. He talked the whole time, which I was going to chalk up to nerves, he's a federal officer, divorced with kids. I have three rules when I date, no kids, no cops and no ex wives. Well, needless to say, he broke all the rules. However, when emailing back and forth we seemed to click, and I was really open to the idea. Also, he said several times what good money he makes.
Dinner was nice, conversation flowed just fine... when the waitress came to ask whether or not everything was on one bill, he looks at me? I then told her politely, it would be two checks. The waitress could tell we were on a first date, and she kept it on one piece of paper, but two different totals. She also set it right in front of him. He never once offered. I put out my 20.00 for the meal, and left a very nice tip too. He left 1.00 for a tip.
This has never happened to me before, although once in relationships I turn into the sugar Mama.
Is this a deal breaker? Is this just a sign of what's to come? I wouldn't have made him pay, but it's the OFFER that would have been nice...
Who invited who out? If you invited, it was your bill. If he invited it was his. but, considering he "kept" mentioning how much money he made. The fact that you are asking seems are you even seriously considering dating this guy?
if you don't like the idea of him accepting your offer, then don't offer. How is that NOT manipulative?
I'm not manipulating him into paying. I think you're skewing the definition of that word to apply. I simply have a preference for a man who will be generous on a first date since he asked me out.
We don't agree on this subject. And that's fine with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_down
It's a matter of courtesy. I expect the woman to offer, but I will never let her actually pay it. Same type of thing.
if you offer to pay your part, then you should expect him to accept. So why say no to a second date after that? that's just manipulative!
I agree, and who wants a manipulator? Not me! WHY is it the man's responsibility to pay for a date? If he asks the woman, than okay, he can pay if she's good with that. But if the woman asks the man or they kind of agree together to go out then it should be okay if she pays or if they go Dutch. Equality is a really really good thing and when you have an equal relationship with another person both parties benefit.
What wrong with going Dutch? Its 2012. I would ditch him because he only tipped $1. A real good way to get a feel for a person is to how he or she treats the "help", and tipping someone a dollar for dinner is ridiculous!! He's a cheap a** who will probably embarrass you if you kept seeing him.
This. He isn't being frugal, he is being selfish by saving money at the waitress' expense. If he can't afford to tip then he can't afford to eat out.
No wonder so many men dislike women. Unbelievable, truly.
The "dude" is not invariably TOO CHEAP to pay for the date. Educated, articulated, erudite career women frequently would REFUSE to have a man for them. Their lives don't revolve around getting a free meal from some guy. Many men offer. Many women REFUSE on principal.
I'm not manipulating him into paying. I think you're skewing the definition of that word to apply. I simply have a preference for a man who will be generous on a first date since he asked me out.
We don't agree on this subject. And that's fine with me.
Exactly.
that's not what I said. I agree that the man should pay. I don't agree that you offer to go dutch but god forbid, if he accepts..he's an ahole in your eyes, thus doesn't get a 2nd date. so why offer then? Just don't offer..and then if he insists on going dutch when you don't offer to, you can call him an ahole then...that makes more sense to me.
He never once offered. I put out my 20.00 for the meal, and left a very nice tip too. He left 1.00 for a tip.
Cheap.
Run, don't walk away.
He was cheap with you and cheap with the waitress. He clearly doesn't know how to treat people.
I know men on here will be quick to jump on this thread and talk about "equality" and how women should pick up the tab...but in reality, most men who expect a woman to pay on the first date they're invited are tightwads like this guy who undertipped the waitress.
Maybe he wasn't impressed with the service or he doesn't really believe in tipping.
I personally don't tip unless the service is impressive.
Remind me not to go anywhere with you.
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