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Oh good grief! All this anger is not good for a person! Honestly - I think there are still lots of gentlemen in real life and on this forum - they just aren't as loud as the others! And it seems to me that many of the guys that are complaining on this thread and others don't want to be a gentleman anyway - so what's the big deal!
See, that's what I'm trying to figure out myself.
I mean, if it's not that big a deal to you, why would you take jabs at the men who frequent this forum when the conversation has nothing to do with the people who frequent this forum? No seriously, does that make any sense to you?
I eat out probably twice a week. I love eating out. What's girly about that? I never heard that one before. Who doesn't like being waited on and not having to cook their own meal?
I'm asking the OP if she ask him to go to a restaurant or if he did? You do like going to restaurants? I thought guys just did that for a woman's sake. That's awesome though!
Originally Posted by slowdog101 I stepped away from this thread for a few days, and I haven't read all of the posts that have made in the interim, but I have noticed that there has been some discussion recently that, in addition to paying for a first date, there are other socially expected behaviors for men in the dating scene like opening doors, etc. So at the risk of being redundant, I ask, could some of you tell me what are the socially expected behaviors for women when they are dating?
I apologize if this question has been asked and answered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
What are your expectations of a woman on a date?
I guess a better way to word my original question is "...what are the socially expected behaviors for women when they are dating" that are different than the socially expected behaviors for men?
And to answer your question Dewdrop, I only date my wife so I guess we fell into our accepted pattern long ago.
Do men actually enjoy going to a restaurant as their "first date" or is that just to please a woman also. Going to a restaurant sounds like a girlie type activity for a man.
I'm 23, so I can still afford to hang-out (at least for now), without being seen as immature. And the good thing about initially hanging out is that we're usually too acquainted to give a rat's ass about who picks up the tab when we eventually do something formal. As for your question, I don't see anything girlie about going to restaurants. I think it's kinda boring though, but definitely not girlie.
But see, if I ever put myself in a situation where I'd have to go on a formal date with a woman I'm interested in, but barely know, I'd probably pick up the tab. However, if she offers to pay, then I might or might not oblige that offer depending on the vibe I'm getting. The worst case scenario is no second date. In my average case scenario, she wouldn't take it to mean anything. Now, in my best case scenario, I'd oblige her offer and, instead of she interpreting the gesture as a sign of cheapness or greed, she'd be enlightened enough to see that, in actuality, it is a sign generosity on my part. Ok, perhaps generosity might not be the right word to use, but still, she'd interpret that gesture as the sign of a guy who would most likely never marginalize her in any way. Yea, I know it sounds skewed but that's how I see it. Lastly,
As for my expectations, she has three options. She can insist we go dutch, she can offer to pay, or she can decide not to offer. Whatever she chooses to do wouldn't really factor into my subsequent decision to continue to see her or not. I wouldn't care, as long as I'm not getting the impression that she expects me to pay because I'm a man.
Fact is, people who think it's a man's job to pay of a date is essentially pigeonholing men, and I do not like being pigeonholed.
I'm asking the OP if she ask him to go to a restaurant or if he did? You do like going to restaurants? I thought guys just did that for a woman's sake. That's awesome though!
You kidding me. I think I'm more addicted than my girl. Although to be honest, I think she might be more addicted than me. Because besides eating out with me, she goes with her mother all the time and her friends/sister. She honestly must eat out five times a week. I'm not kidding. Probably three times on the weekend alone. She does alot with her friends/family. But we both love to eat out. It's pretty sad when in some of our favorite restaurants, they seem to know us, because we're there so much. I sometimes wonder if they think we know how too cook? We're creatures of habit. We both seem to order the same thing alot. Once in a while we'll try something different, but not much. Take it from me. Guys like eating out just as much as women..It's nice just to get out. Sometimes eating out comes before something else like a movie. We see alot of movies..Too many probably. But that's something we both have in common. And thank god our interests in what to see are the same. I'm not the typical guy movie fan. I don't like special effects, sci-fi or too many action movies. They all seem to be the same after a while. We both like movies with good plots, that are character driven, some mystery, some comedy,. etc..So that works for us.
To answer the origninal question to the op' though. If I was single and went out to eat with a girl. I would definately pay for it. I wouldn't feel right not paying. However, after you have been with someone awhile, there's nothing wrong with letting the girl pay once in a while. This isn't even something my mother and I agree with. She once told me that she would never pay when her and my father went out. She's almost 65. So there might be some kind of generational thing going on there.
To answer the origninal question to the op' though. If I was single and went out to eat with a girl. I would definately pay for it. I wouldn't feel right not paying. However, after you have been with someone awhile, there's nothing wrong with letting the girl pay once in a while. This isn't even something my mother and I agree with. She once told me that she would never pay when her and my father went out. She's almost 65. So there might be some kind of generational thing going on there.
Can you elaborte on why it wouldn't feel right for her to pay, since so many other men here think that's a cardinal sin?
Can you elaborte on why it wouldn't feel right for her to pay, since so many other men here think that's a cardinal sin?
I guess I'm a little old fashion as well. And it sort of goes against everything I am. I hate cheap people. There is no way I could not pay on a first date. I would just feel- cheap. That alone wouldn't work for me, because I am anything but cheap. Maybe I'm a bit generational myself. This whole dutch thing isn't something I grew up with. Then again, I grew up in an era without the internet. Where men had to man up and ask the girl out. The girl might hint that she likes you. Might give you every clue in the world that she likes you. Stare at you til it's obvious to everyone as well as yourself. Even have a friend tell you she likes you, but if you were to go out, you better man up and ask her. However; having said that, that's not entirely true either. All girls aren't the same. I've been asked out by many girls too. But it wasn't always to the movies, dinner, things like that. It wasn't always so direct. It was more like do you want to study together (hint, hint), go to a ball game, drive with me here, go with me there..Girls usually ask out in subtle ways. Women have a way of trying to get to know you without fully putting themselves out there. That's been my experience. That way if your not interested, you can't technically say, so and so asked me out. That's from my own experience. But even if a girl asked me out, if it's the first date, I will pay.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 02-17-2012 at 01:03 PM..
I guess a better way to word my original question is "...what are the socially expected behaviors for women when they are dating" that are different than the socially expected behaviors for men?
And to answer your question Dewdrop, I only date my wife so I guess we fell into our accepted pattern long ago.
I only date my husband - so we fell into our patterns long ago, too! I'm not sure what the socially expected behaviors are for women when they are dating. To be honest with you - back when I was dating - I didn't worry about such things. I only tried to be myself. Well, when I was younger, I tried to be perfect - which is impossible! But the older I got - the more I just tried to be myself. I'd like to think of myself as a lady - and since all the guys I dated treated me very well and seemed to have a great time with me - I'd like to think that I am one! I know that I married a gentleman (well, he's one most of the time! ) and that most of the guys that I dated in the past are all happily married now, too!
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And the good thing about initially hanging out is that we're usually too acquainted to give a rat's ass about who picks up the tab when we eventually do something formal. As for your question, I don't see anything girlie about going to restaurants. I think it's kinda boring though, but definitely not girlie.
Now, in my best case scenario, I'd oblige her offer and, instead of she interpreting the gesture as a sign of cheapness or greed, she'd be enlightened enough to see that, in actuality, it is a sign generosity on my part. 
Ok, perhaps generosity might not be the right word to use, but still, she'd interpret that gesture as the sign of a guy who would most likely never marginalize her in any way. Yea, I know it sounds skewed but that's how I see it.
Lastly, 
