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Smoking cigarettes is no different than being a drug addict, except one is legal when the other is not. Leave it to our government to make that decision, lol.
In this case it is no different than spending money on cocaine. Would you be okay with that? I thought not. The only difference besides it being legal is the putrid smell.
I don't do either but from what I know I'm convinced cigarettes are worse.
Your husband is seriously addicted and it doesn't appear he wants help. I have no idea why you are staying in this situation.
I know I would not put up with being around them.
OK, I get most of you don't like the smell and the smoke, but to leave him over this? She KNEW he was a smoker before she married him. She's STAYED married all this time and now when things are tight, she wants him to quit. I think she's being selfish.
And to compare this to cocaine? Good God, are you nuts? It's too ridiculous to argue, but I think this is a crazy statement. Those people who don't want to be around smoke are fanatical about it. Most of the fanatics are rude, insulting, belittling...I could go on. Most smokers I know usually smoke outside or away from nonsmokers...they're usually quite considerate.
Just because he doesn't want to leave his own house does not make him a monster. She should be able to talk to him about it but to nag and make his life hell over it WILL NOT solve her problem.
And I understand that it's a somewhat expensive habit...that is not lost on me. Nor is the health issue...but I've seen this before and all I'm getting from her post is attitude. You think he should just stop. Maybe he likes to smoke...maybe he enjoys it. You can argue cost and health all day long, but it's only going to fortify his habit.
I think if this was a real problem for you, you wouldn't have married him or you would have laid down your parameters over 24 years ago. I don't blame him for being stubborn about it...I'm sure I'll catch flack for this but the nonsmokers can take note...yelling out "selfish and rude" only makes you appear that way, not the other way around.
Yeah, I guess you're right. But it really is a topic for discussion when there are so many other needs right now. My roommate goes to a smoke shop and uses the cig roller machine that does it automatically and gets a carton at a fraction of the price of regular ones. He can start smoking outside and the other suggestions you made. It's fixable but he has to want to fix it too, not just her.
oh yeah, your right, HE is the one who has to want to fix it...
I also have a problem with him saying, "it's my money", however, it's his only way to justify buying them...and right now, the money should be going towards other things...however, it is a drug addiction, and very difficult to quit...but if he got a job, it would certainly help him cut down...right now, he's home all day, nervous, probably feels so bad about himself and smoking like a chimney, yanno?
I understand this because my wife and I both went through it. We are both close to retirement age and in growing up the dangers of cigarette smoking was not well known. We both started smoking at an early age. I can remember my mother smoking camel non-filters and actually allowing me to light them for her when I was very young. I am sure you as well as everyone else realizes the addiction potential that smoking presents. It seems virtually impossible for some people to quit or to see themselves smoke-free. I don't know you or your husband's age or what kind of stress he is under however it can be done. It may have to be done in small steps perhaps by cutting back to less than a pack a day and trying to make a pack last several days. At that point he may try any one of the many aids that are available to smokers and there are many. I have used the "patch" and it worked for me. There is also a cigarette like device that delivers nicotine through a kind of a mist. You do not light this device and can carry it in your pocket for a quick fix if needed. Cigarette smoking becomes so second nature that the person doesn't realize what derogatory aspects the habit produces all around including the money. The cost of smoking, along with all the included taxes, are just too much to continue the habit. But trying to shame your husband into quitting will not work. He will need a structed plan with a lot of support. It can be done but will require resources including you being nice and understanding to him. Help him start the process and maybe some day he will pull it off. I'm sure he knows of the health risks involved. Once a doctor gives you that kind of bad news it's a little too late. The nicotine replacement therapies seem to work well although after getting rid of the cigarettes you then have to get rid of the therapy. I would start with a decrease in the number he smokes everyday if he can. Talk to him and provide some encouragement. He will need it. Eventually all will be smoke free and all the smells will be gone. At that point everyone will be healthy and happy. Good Luck!
Update on the questions. In Wisconsin a carton a Camels cost $65 -$69. He smokes about 2 packs a day which adds up to A LOT of money. Perhaps I could get him to "roll his own" that would at least slow him down between cigarettes.
Yes, he is depressed and is getting help.
He was the major breadwinning for about 10 years and I have been the major breadwinner for 25 years of our marriage. We have always shared our money but this thing with cigarettes is just pushing me over the edge.
Unfortunitely I'm someone who believes that marriage vows are "until death do you part". And , even if I didn't I can't pay the bills for one household let alone two households plus spousal support (because I've been the major breadwinner for the last 25 years).
He smoked ocassionally when I met him as a teenager (maybe a couple of cigarettes when he was out partying on a weekend). He also quit a few times during our marriage , sometimes even for a few years. I think that it is the combination of the extremely high cost, large amount of smoking (he seems to always have a cigarette in his mouth) and not being considerate of my feelings or health in the matter.
OK, I get most of you don't like the smell and the smoke, but to leave him over this? She KNEW he was a smoker before she married him. She's STAYED married all this time and now when things are tight, she wants him to quit. I think she's being selfish.
And to compare this to cocaine? Good God, are you nuts? It's too ridiculous to argue, but I think this is a crazy statement. Those people who don't want to be around smoke are fanatical about it. Most of the fanatics are rude, insulting, belittling...I could go on. Most smokers I know usually smoke outside or away from nonsmokers...they're usually quite considerate.
Just because he doesn't want to leave his own house does not make him a monster. She should be able to talk to him about it but to nag and make his life hell over it WILL NOT solve her problem.
And I understand that it's a somewhat expensive habit...that is not lost on me. Nor is the health issue...but I've seen this before and all I'm getting from her post is attitude. You think he should just stop. Maybe he likes to smoke...maybe he enjoys it. You can argue cost and health all day long, but it's only going to fortify his habit.
I think if this was a real problem for you, you wouldn't have married him or you would have laid down your parameters over 24 years ago. I don't blame him for being stubborn about it...I'm sure I'll catch flack for this but the nonsmokers can take note...yelling out "selfish and rude" only makes you appear that way, not the other way around.
No, it's not to ridiculous to compare this to cocain...it's not, seriously, I smoked and know the addiction very well, and also suffered great withdraw when I quit so many times....so, no, it surely isn't unrealistic to compare smoking to a drug...
And I understand that it's a somewhat expensive habit...that is not lost on me. Nor is the health issue...but I've seen this before and all I'm getting from her post is attitude. You think he should just stop. Maybe he likes to smoke...maybe he enjoys it. You can argue cost and health all day long, but it's only going to fortify his habit.
But the thing is, he's not working right now. Money is tight, they're barely making ends meet, belts need to be tightened, and he's essentially setting fire to $400 a month. He may very well enjoy smoking, but his habit is not benefiting anyone in his family at all.
He smoked ocassionally when I met him as a teenager (maybe a couple of cigarettes when he was out partying on a weekend). He also quit a few times during our marriage , sometimes even for a few years. I think that it is the combination of the extremely high cost, large amount of smoking (he seems to always have a cigarette in his mouth) and not being considerate of my feelings or health in the matter.
I just feel trapped.
They sell cartons of Paul Mall for 16 dollars... there's no excuse for buying Camels.
Also, feeling trapped? You have a depressed husband who is seeking help and here you are badgering him about his cigarettes? It isn't good, and he should cut down, but there are certain things you have to take into consideration and also understand the addiction a little bit...
He had his years of helping too, its not like he is a complete mooch and not helping. It sounds to me like there are issues on your end and you're making a big deal about something that isn't THAT big of a deal. Sure it isn't good, but there's something else in your mind that you're trying to rationalize by making a huge fuss over cigs.
hahahaha are you f*cking kidding me?! You're telling a person who WILLINGLY married a smoker to then change her mind, tell him to quit and if he doesn't, DIVORCE him?!
Jesus christ
Divorce is always the right solution, havent you heard? Having a bad day, get a divorce.....your husband smokes, divorce him.....perfect solution for all worlds ills...
To the OP. I am smoker and very addicted to nicotine. Your husband more than likely wants to quit but simply cannot - no different than millions of smokers around the globe. For a non-smoker, that is sort of hard to understand sometimes. You making an issue out of it, probably makes him only pull out another cigarette. Address it, but with understanding that an addict doesnt always have enough strenght to give up their addiction, because someoone thinks they are wasting their money isnt fair.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
oh yeah, your right, HE is the one who has to want to fix it...
I also have a problem with him saying, "it's my money", however, it's his only way to justify buying them...and right now, the money should be going towards other things...however, it is a drug addiction, and very difficult to quit...but if he got a job,it would certainly help him cut down...right now, he's home all day, nervous, probably feels so bad about himself and smoking like a chimney, yanno?
Right. I added after my post that I'm a former smoker so I know how hard it is. But there are still things he can do to make it less stressful for everyone and he doesn't seem to be doing it. Can she make him? Not likely. But hopefully she can make him see what he's doing and that he has other options.
Well, if he's unemployed, he doesn't have to smoke Camels (at least temporarily). For the record, I'm a smoker, and I will not give up, but I would go down a cheaper route push come to shove. In fact, I have, on my own, because the prices ARE getting to be ridiculous. Considering we pay for just about anybody and are hated by just about anybody, the dear government promoting the paranoia better be ready to subsidize the saints if we quit.
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