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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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NO. WAY. LOL What makes him obligated to her? Never mind. Don't answer that on my account. There's nothing you could say that would convince me to change my mind.
When my husband and I broke up I dated once. I was so uncomfortable with it I didn't do it again. But there's no way I'd have expected, much less, accepted money from someone I was dating.
I have a friend who did it once and when he was introduced to her brother, the brother said to him, "So you're the sugar-daddy!" He ended the relationship after that.
Thank goodness many of the posts in here are not a true reflection of REAL life. Most men know that if they are in a RELATIONSHIP with a woman with kids that he would have to contribute something to help the mother with them over time.
Yes, the father should be paying child support, but if she needs money to buy her kids school clothes or shoes and the money hasn't come through from the father, is this man just gonna say "sorry, can't help. get it from the father or a charity" and really believe that will endear him to the mother??
Many of the men in here should NOT get with a woman with kids from someone else. With your disgusting and less than manly attitudes you'd wind up being hated by the kids anyway with the mother eventually agreeing with their assessment of you over time and wondering how she got with such a pathetic good for nothing.
If they are just casually dating then I don't think he's responsible. If it's a serious or long term relationship: Eating at the house? Sleeping at the house? Using utilities? Yes. He needs to be contributing to the household, since he's partly draining the expenses.
Mod cut: Orphaned.
Exactly! Also, if this mother isn't receiving child support from the children's father(s), it is quite possible she is getting some kind of public assistance for the children.
Also, agree with the comment about the arrangement being termed "sugar daddy"! Seriously, a sweet deal!
I'd like everyone's opinion, but mainly this question is for any single women with kids, and single men who might date women who have kids.
Here's my feeling on it. Call me old fashioned, but if a man makes the decision to exclusively date a woman who has 1 or more children, he has a moral OBLIGATION to help provide for her and her children.
She is making a sacrifice in giving him attention while she's already busy with her kids, so, him helping her with her expenses is the LEAST he can do. I feel he OWES it to her, if he is going to make good relationship material for her.
Thanks in advance for your feelings and thoughts on this!
Why do some people assume all single mothers are these fragile, helpless creatures that need to be provided for?
if she needs money to buy her kids school clothes or shoes and the money hasn't come through from the father, is this man just gonna say "sorry, can't help. get it from the father or a charity" and really believe that will endear him to the mother??
If someone can't afford clothing for their children, they have no business dating. Just my opinion.
Single mothers need to take care of their own house first, if they need financial assistance they need to turn to family (parent's or siblings). Once they get their life in order or someone might call it "sh*t together" then they can date. People need to be able to afford their lifestyle.
I have no kids and never had a stepfather, but I've had friends who grew up in abusive environments where the stepfather or mother's various boyfriends were given "discipline" privileges and once a line is crossed by a non-bio parent on a child that is not their blood, it escalates. The hate from the kids only magnifies and gets worse.
There is no "natural" love for this step parent or boyfriend like there would be for a the bio dad who would probably be forgiven more easily. It's not the same for a total stranger who just arrived on the scene.
Natural love? Not sure I believe in that. Depending on the age of the child, it isn't necessarily the case that the child will resent a stepfather any more than the biological one. Various other factors play into how prone to resentment a parent or stepparent will be. Things like how often the child sees them, what the majority of their interactions are like, and how exactly discipline is administered. At best, what you're saying is a reminder for moms who are dating to be highly conservative in dishing out those disciplinary privileges. But I still say it's also unwise to wait until you're in such a serious relationship as to be engaged or married already to grant these privileges, because then your own emotional attachment to a fiance/husband may get in the way of your ability to say, "You're mistreating my child. Get out of my life."
A man can go into the a relationship with a woman with kids with the best intentions of loving and taking care of then as his own. The problem is how he handles those 4 words the kid will say (And they will say them)..."You Ain't My Daddy"..
Now if the mother does not back up the man of the house at that point it's best he pack his bags and leave. A man is only obligated when there's a ring and even then his rights are limited depending on the natural baby daddy..
That's why I suggest only deal with people with no kids or grown kids. There's no knock on single women with kids intended it's just being real. the only way I would date or have a serious relationship with a woman with kids is if the daddy is deceased and then there would be questions of type of man he was. Because if his death was over some foul lifestyle then it becomes a consideration of the mothers choice of men.
Why do some people assume all single mothers are these fragile, helpless creatures that need to be provided for?
Many aren't. I agree with you, but even if she is self-sufficient if she's in a relationship or married to a man that VOLUNTARILY got with a woman with kids he should know INSTINCTIVELY that he has to contribute monetarily somehow to the household functions.
This is just a GIVEN fact of life.
It would be the same if I knowingly got with a man who was the primary custodial parents of his kids. If the kids needed certain clothing items, school books, etc., of course I would help contribute monetarily if I could to make sure they got whatever it was.
Natural love? Not sure I believe in that. Depending on the age of the child, it isn't necessarily the case that the child will resent a stepfather any more than the biological one. Various other factors play into how prone to resentment a parent or stepparent will be. Things like how often the child sees them, what the majority of their interactions are like, and how exactly discipline is administered. At best, what you're saying is a reminder for moms who are dating to be highly conservative in dishing out those disciplinary privileges. But I still say it's also unwise to wait until you're in such a serious relationship as to be engaged or married already to grant these privileges, because then your own emotional attachment to a fiance/husband may get in the way of your ability to say, "You're mistreating my child. Get out of my life."
Your posts do not bother me as much as many of the others I've read here.
It's really hard to get your point across on a messageboard, but I do believe we "sort of" agree here.
Personally, I wouldn't stay in a relationship with a man if his minor kids were disrespecting me or it's an extremely dysfunctional household. I would NEVER, EVER make a man choose between me and his minor children. Those kids did NOT ask to be here and he has an obligation to THEM not to ME.
What I won't accept another woman will.
I don't disrespect kids or teenagers. I know they're kids and teenagers and I was one once. There are many issues and factors at play here.
I do agree that the younger the child, the more respect and "love" can develop over time, even if they are in contact with their bio parent all the time.
Last edited by marilyn220; 03-06-2012 at 09:30 AM..
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