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One very big problem with patchwork families is that a family can not be subdivided. When a man loves and accepts a women with a child or children he must accept those children as his own. While this man can never replace the actual father he must assume the father figure within that new family. Any other arrangement is doomed to failure.
There's a specific shaming in the media, and depending on your background you hear voices in your community that tell you to give these women a chance. If your a successful young man full of potential why should you settle? The same goes for young women (without children) as well, don't settle for some dirtbag.
I couldn't REP you again. It's amazing how many women try to pawn off their friends with complicated lives on single professional men. I've got a LIST of the stories...all absurd. Perhaps the best story is my friend's South American wife. In 2003, I took a trip to visit Argentina and adjacent countries, with a 3-day stopover in South Florida on the way back.
"I told my cousin in (another South American country) that you were going to South America and CHEE wants to meet you, CHEE is a pharmacist and CHEE is blonde...CHEE has a son, but he is already in school."
"I already have my tickets...plus it's considered a dangerous country. Do you know how much a ticket change costs?"
Ignores my question, despite having a business degree - probably learned nothing.
"But CHEE wants to meet you."
Needless to say, I friggin' hate this guy's wife. Give them a chance, not only in your community, but in another country, and on your time/money. Yeah, right. My friend's wife went from 100 to 50 points with that one, and with subsequent stupidity, to ZERO.
One very big problem with patchwork families is that a family can not be subdivided. When a man loves and accepts a women with a child or children he must accept those children as his own. While this man can never replace the actual father he must assume the father figure within that new family. Any other arrangement is doomed to failure.
Sounds like there's a liability, without an offsetting reward. Not everyone is Ashton Kutcher...nor do they have his money. Most single unmarried men DO NOT want ready-made families. That's why girls who became single moms become SO MUCH NICER over time.
One very big problem with patchwork families is that a family can not be subdivided. When a man loves and accepts a women with a child or children he must accept those children as his own. While this man can never replace the actual father he must assume the father figure within that new family. Any other arrangement is doomed to failure.
I don't know if I'd call it "doomed", but I'd agree the odds would be against them. There's already enough money-related arguments to start in your typical relationship; I can't imagine how many there would be in couples where one person has a kid to support and the other can spend their money as freely as they please.
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I would say no, any single parent should be able to support their children, dating or not. Not to say it wouldn't be a nice thing for him to do, but he shouldn't feel morally obligated to pay a sort of alimony for her kids just for dating her.
One very big problem with patchwork families is that a family can not be subdivided. When a man loves and accepts a women with a child or children he must accept those children as his own. While this man can never replace the actual father he must assume the father figure within that new family. Any other arrangement is doomed to failure.
This only is possible if the actual father is a deadbeat and completley out of the picture. If he's every other weekend/couple of weeks in the summer still...it's best to have no confusion for the children who their real father is.
Ummm... And why would that be? The financial responsibility for those children is that of the two people who conceived them, not some random guy the mother hooks up with after the fact.
Now, if the two people move in together or get married, that's another matter. The guy goes into this knowing that the mother and kids are a package deal, but even then, the bulk of the financial responsibility should be on the shoulders of the mother and the father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beiyang
I'd like everyone's opinion, but mainly this question is for any single women with kids, and single men who might date women who have kids.
Here's my feeling on it. Call me old fashioned, but if a man makes the decision to exclusively date a woman who has 1 or more children, he has a moral OBLIGATION to help provide for her and her children.
She is making a sacrifice in giving him attention while she's already busy with her kids, so, him helping her with her expenses is the LEAST he can do. I feel he OWES it to her, if he is going to make good relationship material for her.
Thanks in advance for your feelings and thoughts on this!
She is making a sacrifice in giving him attention while she's already busy with her kids, so, him helping her with her expenses is the LEAST he can do.
I would hardly call it a sacrifice when that's dating is something she doing for herself. Afterall, she's enjoying herself when she's with you isn't she? The same way she's enjoying herself when she's out with friends. Is she making a sacrifice when she goes out with the girls? Do they owe her something too?
I wouldn't start helping out financially unless you're planning to make the kids your own. Gifts for the kids are fine. I wouldn't make an obligation though.
I would hardly call it a sacrifice when that's dating is something she doing for herself. Afterall, she's enjoying herself when she's with you isn't she?
You know, I just re-read the OP's first post and noticed that the OP made it sound as though the single mother were actually put out by having to spend time with the man she's dating. Yikes. Anyone who feels as though dating is a huge imposition and the man she's frittering her precious time on should SUPPORT HER KIDS in return for her troubles is more than a little torqued in the head. The man who buys this pretzel logic is equally so.
I'd pay for her on dates and whatnot, but I'm not going to buy her groceries, pay some of her rent or utilities or anything like that. I don't think that's something anyone would even expect out of someone you're "dating".
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