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Finally! Someone else with the voice of reason!! I really wish women would stop acting like wives when they are not being given that honor. Then they wonder why they are not being proposed to...what icentive does a man really have if she is already giving him full access?
Explain what the whole "cow giving free milk" is all about. I've heard this expression used for sex. You know, guy getting sex so why get married, right? If this is the case then it goes both ways. Guys get sex, woman gets a roof over her head, free meals, etc. so the whole "cow giving free milk" goes both ways really.
People need to communicate what they want out of a relationship, if he's interested in the same thing then you should develop it, if he's not, don't be the woman who wastes years with a guy who she "hopes" is going to ask to marry him. He's not a mind reader, and you can't predict the future, meanwhile your biological clock is ticking and the man needs to know a few major things.
#1. That you're not the cow that gives away the milk for free.
#2. That you're not going to stay in an uncommitted relationship that isn't on the road to marriage with them for more than 2 years.
#3. That you're not going to shack up and live with them before you get married.
Sing it, sister!
This should also apply to men as well, not just women. There are really decent men who do have an eye to marriage. We need to be respectful of each others' life goals, no matter what the gender. Life is too short to fritter away on someone who's going to fade away four, five years into a relationship simply because they don't intend to marry.
To clarify.... I used "party" as a catch-all term for the many vacations, international travel, social/sporting events I participating in at the time. I was even in a band like you (played keyboard, bass).... I did not mean actual "partying" like getting drunk every night and dancing on the bar. I guess I could have been clearer. Sounds like you are doing very similar things so I'm wondering why you'd have a problem with it.
I have absolutely no regrets and am so glad I've experienced these things before settling down and having kids.
...They don't get that attached to those of us who can take care of ourselves. ... They can't leave "the poor soul" who "needs" them and can't breathe without them!
I totally agree with this. I've seen this over and over and over.
In my experience, men prefer to be with a woman who needs them. They say an independant woman makes them feel unimportant or superfluous. Whereas, they feel manly when they have a woman they can rescue and take care of.
The men who want an independant woman are either so successful that they don't feel threatened by a woman's accomplishments, or they are users, looking for someone to take care of them. Although the users may be employed, they always seem to want to have a woman to depend on.
Before I got married, I had a couple relationships that went very well for a long time (1.5 yrs and 6+ yrs): We were in love, happy and got along well. However, when the subject of marriage came up, I would get a lot of resistance. These relationships wound up failing because of the man's inability to commit to marriage. Yet, within a year or two after our break up, they would get married. Later, when I'd ask them why things hadn't worked out between us, the answer was always, "I didn't feel like you needed me." They chose to be in marriages where they could be the woman's "savior."
I've seen this scenario play out with other women many times The ones who are highly successful (attorneys, doctors, investment bankers, etc.) are often never married. The few who are married either 1) have husbands who are more successful than they are (usu. men they met in school or at the beginning of their careers before they became highly successful), or 2) settle for "users"--husbands who are way less accomplished than they are, and want a wife who affords them a cushy lifestyle. These users usually have a lot of baggage and want someone who will help them clean up the messes in their lives, like paying off all their bills, helping with child support, giving them a nice place to live, etc.
Finally! Someone else with the voice of reason!! I really wish women would stop acting like wives when they are not being given that honor. Then they wonder why they are not being proposed to...what icentive does a man really have if she is already giving him full access?
Marriage really isn't about prostitution. Not ime at least. Hmm, maybe that needs to be further clarified? Not in 2012 or modernity?
To clarify.... I used "party" as a catch-all term for the many vacations, international travel, social/sporting events I participating in at the time. I was even in a band like you (played keyboard, bass).... I did not mean actual "partying" like getting drunk every night and dancing on the bar. I guess I could have been clearer. Sounds like you are doing very similar things so I'm wondering why you'd have a problem with it.
I have absolutely no regrets and am so glad I've experienced these things before settling down and having kids.
Because you are a woman. We are to blame for all the evil in the world. Didn't you know?
Usually six months to a year, typically close to the year mark. I got most of these proposals when I was in my 20s.
I alluded to this in another post, but the reason I turned them down was because it seemed to me like they just wanted to get married for the sake of getting married. I never felt that I was anything truly unique or special to them; I just happened to be the women they were dating when they decided it was time to settled down and do the family thing.
So, essentially, I could have been Just Anywoman, U.S.A.
That's how those multiple divorces happen, IMHO.
Also, I was still in my 20s and had things to do on my Bucket List. In retrospect, I should not have been dating anyone seriously during this time. But it's just something that you learn with age and wisdom.
Ya know, you just said something powerful, there. It is very true that many men do exactly that. When they feel it is "time" to settle down, they do it with whoever they are with at the time. And not all of these women, obviously, are as bright as you and recognize that fact. It's really odd, but I have seen that a lot!
I totally agree with this. I've seen this over and over and over.
In my experience, men prefer to be with a woman who needs them. They say an independant woman makes them feel unimportant or superfluous. Whereas, they feel manly when they have a woman they can rescue and take care of.
The men who want an independant woman are either so successful that they don't feel threatened by a woman's accomplishments, or they are users, looking for someone to take care of them. Although the users may be employed, they always seem to want to have a woman to depend on.
Yes, that is my spouse.... completely confident and successful. There are many happy relationships like this.
You, guys, should watch the new show on ABC GCB (stands for Good Christian Bit*ches). That's the sort of women married to good AND wealthy men! Granted, one of them is a little bisexual (come to think of it, in the 2nd episode it looked like he was totally gay...) and has a lover on the side she seems to know about, but the appearances are flawless!
Sounds like a modern rendition of CAPs - Catholic American Princesses. You can imagine: sex with the dweeby suitor while using their emery board.
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