I have a college friend who has been engaged no less than 4 times and is under the age of 30.
She has a history of anorexia & bulimia & has been diagnosed with Bipolar II, OCD, and chronic depression. She has many, many other physical health problems. She ends up in the hospital every other month or so (I wish I was exaggerating).
She also has never fully supported herself financially. She either lives with her parents or her current SO. All of her expensive possessions (car, computer, etc) have been bought for her by someone else. She doesn't cook, often doesn't clean, but has been a stay-at-home-girlfriend in many of her relationships.
She gets jobs easily because she is charming, but they don't last long because of her sickliness. She can't settle on what she wants to do for a career. She has gone to school for at least 5 things & has several licenses & degrees under her belt, all of which have racked up some serious debt. She has a certain amount of book smarts & is socially savvy too, but I wouldn't say she is exceptionally intelligent.
She is pretty in the face, but not stunningly gorgeous. When she is NOT gorging or starving herself, then her body size is slender. She has a "banana" shaped body that is rather average, IMO.
So what is the appeal of this woman? She is never single long, she moves in with these men about a month after meeting them, and within 2-4 months they are engaged. The relationship lasts on average about 2 years, with the guy pushing for marriage the whole time. She is always the one to end it. They beg her not to leave, beg her to come back, and often don't let go until they've realized she's moving onto someone else. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen a lot of it. When we'd go out in college, she'd get hit on constantly (maybe she looks easy?
).
To add to it, she has very specific standards in terms of looks & money. She'll only date a guy who is at least 6'0 tall, has "abs" & muscular arms (meathead types :cough: ), makes a good living, & drives a nice car. The guys she likes are not exactly brilliant or classy, but the point is, she doesn't go for just anyone.
My theory on how this happens is:
1) She manages to be/appear healthy for the first 2 months or so of a relationship. She even puts on a "party girl" persona, when in reality she's in home in bed a lot. Then, once the guy is hooked & committed, she starts getting ill again. It seems like her timing for getting ill is no accident...
2) She has a knack for picking guys who want to save/protect her, or she brings this out in them. So her health issues just become some outlet for their inner hero. I'm sure they'd feel guilt about leaving her, and somehow, her health crises tends to bond them. Anytime there is an argument, she falls ill, gets sympathy, and then wins the argument (her terms are met).
3) While pretty, she acts like she is
super hot. Her food/body issues reveal her deep insecurities, but on the surface (around men anyway) she seems confident & comfortable with herself. She puts into people's heads that she is gorgeous; I've seen her do it. Funny how this actually
works...
4) She has a bubbly, flirty, cutesy personality. She does the cute, dumb thing a lot, which apparently is really appealing to a lot of men. I suppose this offsets the seriousness of all her issues too...
I don't know what other voodoo spells she casts...
I think Sierra is spot on in her assessment, but then maybe I'm just grasping for some logical explanation.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
