Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've met & know so many women who use this line just to turn a guy down gently. I actually did a survey once around my college and nearby colleges asking women how many guys they reject with the 'you're a nice guy' line they actually thought was nice and the median was 1 out of 10.
From my experiences/observations:
Most decent guys who are attractive, interesting, and fun to be around to the women they want don't tend to have issues getting gals.
Most decent guys who only have filling out the basic requirements for being a decent human being do tend to have issues getting gals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by swgirl926
If I only had a dollar for every time I've heard the old "Nice guys finish last" song and dance...
I am really curious - if these "nice guys" want so badly to be with somebody, do they ever ask for feedback on what they could do differently? And, if so, do they ever accept that feedback, no matter how unpleasant it may be?
It seems to me that a lot of these guys, from what I see on the boards and IRL, do an awful lot of speculating: "It must be because I'm too short." "She wants a GQ model." "Women are all looking for rich guys." I guess it's easier to for these guys to make the assumption that they're being rejected for something that they cannot control (like height). What if, though, they're being rejected for something that they could change?
Keep in mind that women are generally socialized to be "nice" and let the man down gently. "You're a nice guy and everything, but..." That's because it would be rude of us to tell the guy that his unkempt appearance suggests that he may be harboring bedbugs, that he's irresponsible, or that he has an Eeyore mentality that would crush even the most positive person out there. Simply being non-offensive - which is what "nice" means - is an expectation, not a selling point. Seems to me that these self-professed "nice guys" don't want to up their game - and lose out to those who do.
Interesting. Do either of you have any advice to the woman who say there are no good men out there? You can't criticize one without the other.
Dunno, I have a different take on this. If I was rejected for any reason - excepting the 'stupid' ones such as height - I would want to know so that I can turn it around to be a learning experience so that I can improve myself. Granted, most men are not on my level of maturity to handle it but that's another thread.
Hence the not knowing if he'd take it as a learning experience, be a threat, or freak out is why many gals I know never take the give him the real reason as an option. Generally male anger directed at her is not something most women want and plenty of women have had anger directed at them for ignoring, disinterest, rejecting aka not reciprocating a guy's attraction to them. Interestingly from the gals I know letting him down easy is not for the guy's benefit but for her own.
Perhaps women need to be more direct about why they wouldn't date a certain man instead of just 'letting him down easily'... god, I absolutely HATE that ****! Just say it!
Has it ever occurred to women that a direct or 'rude' response might be what the guy needs to hear so that he KNOWS what to change?
Oh, and some guys ARE rejected simply for being short. I speak from experience.
Ironically, the guy that I was thinking about when I posted this is something like 6' 5". So height definitely wasn't the issue there.
This guy was pursuing me several years ago, and he was always down on himself about something. No matter what you tried to say to the guy, it was like he had this impenetrable force field of negativity surrounding him. I actually became good friends with an ex of his because, well, she was a lot more pleasant and interesting to hang out with than he was.
Anyway, he was going on and on about how he couldn't get anywhere because he was a "nice guy", and, not only that, friends didn't want to hang around him. Well, I am a nice person myself...until I'm not. And, after hearing him going on and on ad nauseum, I was NOT nice. I actually told the guy that maybe it was his crappy attitude that was driving people away and that maybe he needed counseling. I'm not sure that he liked that very much, but he really needed to hear it.
If I only had a dollar for every time I've heard the old "Nice guys finish last" song and dance...
I am really curious - if these "nice guys" want so badly to be with somebody, do they ever ask for feedback on what they could do differently? And, if so, do they ever accept that feedback, no matter how unpleasant it may be?
It seems to me that a lot of these guys, from what I see on the boards and IRL, do an awful lot of speculating: "It must be because I'm too short." "She wants a GQ model." "Women are all looking for rich guys." I guess it's easier to for these guys to make the assumption that they're being rejected for something that they cannot control (like height). What if, though, they're being rejected for something that they could change?
Keep in mind that women are generally socialized to be "nice" and let the man down gently. "You're a nice guy and everything, but..." That's because it would be rude of us to tell the guy that his unkempt appearance suggests that he may be harboring bedbugs, that he's irresponsible, or that he has an Eeyore mentality that would crush even the most positive person out there. Simply being non-offensive - which is what "nice" means - is an expectation, not a selling point. Seems to me that these self-professed "nice guys" don't want to up their game - and lose out to those who do.
Very true, good post.
I'd add they think it's easier to assume that all women are [insert negative adjective] than to just say...some people just aren't attracted to others.
I'm sure I'm not rich or tall enough for some women. Thing is, that's fine with me. I don't take offense to it. Everyone has their preferences. I have mine. No one is universally likable. But so long as a guy is reasonably pleasant and assertive, they should have some success.
Moron, I used the term garbage because you did. I spoon fed your shyte to you and look at you lapping it up. Typical tri-state state area (Italian?) guy who only has access to his own trash. You can start going your own way when you move out of your mom's house.
Eta: and no, studies and online polls are not interchangeable. Not to an educated person at least, which you clearly are not. And you are also incorrect with your 80/40% assertions. You clearly do not have the resources to critically consider half of the bullshyte coming out of your mouth. Finally, take the bytch to the only woman who may deserve it and that is the failure you call mom.
People say the reason why a guy can't find somebody is because of refusing to go with women who are on an equal level or "ugly" and "fat" chicks. This is not true. I would gladly accept a girl who was on the same level as me in terms of looks and everything else, but the problem is those women who are equal to me don't want me. They want a guy who is above them, and that right there seems to be the issue.
What are you hearing? It sounds Italian to me, not Greek, not Spanish. Nope, I was wrong about that. He's Hispanic. He sounds like the guys I went to HS with: Italian, maybe one failed semester at a community college or for profit school, now working for the city laying pipe or something, in and out of his folks house with random frequency. There's my stereotype vision.
Good men aren't hard to find just as good women aren't hard to find.
Good people who are attractive, interesting, and fun to be around are hard to find.
Good people who are attractive, interesting, and fun to be around who reciprocate the attraction and want what you want are harder to find.
Did these *******s have a platform before the internet? Or did their heads just explode one day?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
