What would you advise me to do in the following situation ?
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You do not have to have a "long term relationship" just because you dont want one night stands. There is something in between. Most of my relationships lasted 3 months when I was dating. At that stage, I knew whether it was working out or not. If they were not working I would end it and know that that was best for both of us..
Unfortunately, you love your body and thats a problem. It is a problem because you want to love someone else's body too,. but you cannot unless they fit your ideal image.
As Ruth4Truth says these are all your problems not anyone else's and you will be a much healthier(mentally) person if you sorted yourself out before you got into a long term relationship. However, I dont think you will accept that assessment.
Reading between the lines, somehow, I do not think you will accept that you are the one at 'fault' but until you do, you will always be wanting your partner to fit YOUR requirements. This is both controlling and arrogant thinking that you should change them to fit what you want.
You sound a real charmer to me (thats sarcastic BTW) and if I was her I would not touch you with a barge pole until you had grown up a bit - whatever age you are. (well, you did ask for advice by posting this thread)
I just want to make something clear, most of you got the impression I'm looking for a Megan Fox type body, and won't compromise for anything less. This is not the case here. In order to be Megan Fox slim, she will have to drop 20-30 pounds, while I'll be satisfied with a 10 pounds reduction. I just want her to look a little bit more fit, that's all. I'm spending so much time and energy to look fit myself, isn't it natural that I'll want my woman to be somewhat fit ?
There was a good question raised here: what large changes am I willing to do for her. Will I be willing to bust my ass to add another 10 pounds of muscle ? I don't think that this is the correct analogy though, since adding more pounds of muscle won't make me healthier (might even compromise my health from over training).
In any case, I can't bring myself to break the relationship for this reason at this point. There are simply too many good things between us. I will not address the problem directly with her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. I will simply try to live with my thoughts and see where it takes me.
Bad,bad idea! What is your communication like? Because if you can't find a way to discuss the truth of your feelings that's as much of a red flag as your not overcoming your feelings regarding her weight. I don't know that I think you're shallow for what you feel (I do agree though that if you two have such a "connection" then why is this even a matter of discussion?) but I do think you're being highly cowardly to not figure out a way to express what's going on inside you.
At 33 you have no life experience that has taught you how this will end? You're going to ride this wave--seeing where it will "take" you, expecting not to crash? IMO, you need to bring what you feel into the light. Sure you've communicated it here and you may have a bit of conviction either way but bring it to light with her. Face your issues head on. You're not a kid. Man up and be truthful and see where that takes you, both presently and beyond
What if she gets pregnant with your child? Would you find her so unattractive that you wouldn't even touch her? If so, then you have to work on your... whatever issue this is.
For the 50 millionth time on these threads, ACCEPT PEOPLE AS THEY ARE WHEN YOU MEET THEM OR FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
I mean, really. Is it that hard for people to know themselves and what they want, and are there that many control freaks out there who absolutely must try to change every little perceived imperfection about someone to suit their anal-retentive little tastes?
WTH? Is she a doll that you get to decide how to shape her body to your liking, and if she doesn't, she fails?
Please, do her the favor of letting her go. As you said, she can find better men.
DH was absolutely gorgeous when we started dating; well-built, no pudge anywhere; I was a dancer and fit and muscled - and neither one of us was hurtin' for companionship. He and I both "preferred" blondes with blue eyes - but neither of us were blond or blue-eyed. Didn't matter. We saw past that.
30 years later, our body shapes have changed. Neither one of us cares - we started dating, got married, and continued the relationship because we liked each other for who we were. We didn't have strict rules for body shape or anything else superficial - we liked each other for our mutual and shared goals, mores, and beliefs, not for some arbitrary and changeable appearance preference.
Do yourself a favor as well as this girl, OP - move on and seek someone who fits your criteria. Just don't come back on here whining when your ideal-figured woman turns out to be a crack-wh**, a gold-digger, or something else that is a "deal-breaker" for yuh. Or when this 'overweight' girl turns out to be a perfect partner for someone else who sees past the superficial.
if she is not overweight enough that you could tell until she was naked, then you should not say anything about it. if she is overweight enough that you can tell when she is dressed, then you should not say anything. in other words, if you value your life or your relationship then keep your mouth shut!
the only suggestion i have is invite her to work out with you. if she agrees, then fine. if she turns it down, then drop it and accept her as she is.
I just want to make something clear, most of you got the impression I'm looking for a Megan Fox type body, and won't compromise for anything less. This is not the case here. In order to be Megan Fox slim, she will have to drop 20-30 pounds, while I'll be satisfied with a 10 pounds reduction. I just want her to look a little bit more fit, that's all. I'm spending so much time and energy to look fit myself, isn't it natural that I'll want my woman to be somewhat fit ?
Why are you spending so much time and energy to look fit? Why are you so focussed on this? The guys I knew in my mid-20's looked great without ever entering a gym. Honestly, I don't think your fixation on "looking fit" is normal. Looking fit, and being fit, are two different things. I bet your girl is fit.
There was a thread recently with unexpected results. It asked if guys prefered an "athletic" body on a woman, or "curvy". All the guys said curvy, and at least half said they like a little extra weight on women. Clearly, you're not one of those guys. Do you tend to be a perfectionist in other areas of life? Any obsessive-compulsive tendencies? How long have you been working hard to "look fit"?
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