Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree, a spade is a spade. So if I were to call you a sexist derogatory term would you hold it against me because that is what you are being right now.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,299,363 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
OR maybe they accept their situation not out of fear but because logically looking at it, there is nothing they can do to alter it. this idea that every single person control every circumstance in their life, is B.S. Sometimes you do what you are capable of doing and learn to deal with the rest. It's very easy to look at someone else's life and circumstance and decide, "Oh well you could've done more."
Yeah, but to be fair most people give up earlier than they should.
It's not just CD, but it really does seem that people who get to a ripe old age without ANY real experience with the opposite sex are becoming commoner than before. They've always existed, of course, but they were mostly in the shadows. We didn't hear their stories before the internet.etc. But I think in this modern age, there seems to be more barriers between communication between adults, and it's quite easy to be a pretty normal person, especially a man, and just get passed by. I even know some guys who are decently looking, sociable, who just never get there...it's quite amazing, really, how difficult it can be, especially for those who want 'true love' instead of a quick root.
30 year old virgins don't seem that uncommon, actually. I think it's related to the number of 'big kids' who never really grow up and never leave the nest, or get out. I know some personally online. As it becomes harder to meet people through the usual avenue, do you think this group will increase greatly? I don't think net dating really helps you all that much. I hear in Japan 25% of all 30 year old men and women are still virgins, or something like that, which seems incredibly high, but is not surprising considering how introverted Japanese society seems to be. Are we becoming like that?
P.S. I guess by 'mature age' virgins/RS virgins, I'm talking those over 25 who have never been in a relationship, or have never been intimate with someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if they're so inclined) not out of choice.
I wouldn't say their more virgins but i would say its meet social disconnect among people these days which make it feel that way. And these days alot of men never had a relationship until a latter age. When men are losing jobs and women are seeking security, you're going to see changes in dating. People ade definitely more socially inept and bitter these days.
Yeah, but to be fair most people give up earlier than they should.
Read that last line again.
Really it's not for anyone else to decide someone else "gave up earlier than they should." How the heck would they know that and on what basis do they feel qualified to even decide that for someone else? Personally, I think it's more about what they would've done in a similar situation more than it is about the other person's situation.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,299,363 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
Read that last line again.
Really it's not for anyone else to decide someone else "gave up earlier than they should." How the heck would they know that and on what basis do they feel qualified to even decide that for someone else? Personally, I think it's more about what they would've done in a similar situation more than it is about the other person's situation.
No people can't put themselves in other's shoes, but that doesn't mean that some people could benefit greatly from a little positive encouragement. People are free to accept or reject it. I mean people wanna find love, right, so they're gonna do what they can to get it, not giving up too soon. Take nyanna, for instance. She's convinced she's a hopeless case and her only way out is 'skin lightening.' Well I suppose she HAS a way out, but you agree there are men out there who wouldn't discount a dark skinned black woman. Point is, some people sometimes don't see that things aren't as bad as they seem.
No people can't put themselves in other's shoes, but that doesn't mean that some people could benefit greatly from a little positive encouragement.People are free to accept or reject it. I mean people wanna find love, right, so they're gonna do what they can to get it, not giving up too soon. Take nyanna, for instance. She's convinced she's a hopeless case and her only way out is 'skin lightening.' Well I suppose she HAS a way out, but you agree there are men out there who wouldn't discount a dark skinned black woman.Point is, some people sometimes don't see that things aren't as bad as they seem.
There's a huge gap, in my book, between "a little positive encouragement" and "you could've done more, but choose not to."..... But people aren't free to reject it -- if they choose to do so, they get ridiculed look at some of the responses to the OP. As I said before the measuring stick for "giving up too soon," is not an absolute for everyone. Sometimes I do wish people could walk in another person's shoes, maybe then they would think twice before deciding what that person could've, should've done differently.
I don't know what all Nyanna has tried as far as getting dates or if she just sits and decides she can't get any dates. But lets say she did try all the avenues available to her with no positive result. If at that point she says "I'm a hopeless case," I don't see how anyone could argue against that reasonably. Instead of looking at her situation, they look at their own and then say "well she just gave up too soon, there's a man out there for her! She just doesn't want to find him! etc. etc." Really, where?? Because she never came across one, apparently.
Yes I agree with you, there are some men out there who are willing and do date darker skinned women -- but that's not the same as "you have just as much chance as another white or lighter skinned woman." That's B.S. sorry to say, her chances are already cut in half (maybe less) by the fact that MOST men will not date a very dark skinned woman. So again, people need to start looking at that person's situation, as opposed to using their own to judge what's possible or impossible for that person.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,299,363 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
There's a huge gap, in my book, between "a little positive encouragement" and "you could've done more, but choose not to."..... But people aren't free to reject it -- if they choose to do so, they get ridiculed look at some of the responses to the OP. As I said before the measuring stick for "giving up too soon," is not an absolute for everyone. Sometimes I do wish people could walk in another person's shoes, maybe then they would think twice before deciding what that person could've, should've done differently.
I don't know what all Nyanna has tried as far as getting dates or if she just sits and decides she can't get any dates. But lets say she did try all the avenues available to her with no positive result. If at that point she says "I'm a hopeless case," I don't see how anyone could argue that reasonably. Instead of looking at her situation, they look at their own and then say "well she just gave up too soon, there's a man out there for her! She just doesn't want to find him! etc. etc." Really, where?? Because she never came across one, apparently.
Yes I agree with you, there are some men out there who are willing and do date darker skinned women -- but that's not the same as "you have just as much chance as another white or lighter skinned woman." That's B.S. sorry to say, her chances are already cut in half (maybe less) by the fact that MOST men will not date a very dark skinned woman.
Well, I would rather be encouraged to a point rather than someone telling yeah 'you're right, you're a hopeless case.' Believe me, it seems ALL I HEAR is people lecturing me: all facets of my life. Right now I just need time, so I'm not moaning about my lack of a love life. I've hardly exhausted ALL the opportunities.
Nyanna's issues are probably two-fold as well. She says she wants to feel desired by MOST men. It's as much a self-esteem/ego thing to her as finding 'the one.' But what I mean is, there are some people of x race.etc who say 'because I'm dark skinned or Asian or whatever it's IMPOSSIBLE to date.' That's BS. If you really want to find love, you'll find a way out of it. I'm Asian myself, I don't know how that compares to being a dark skinned women, but it certainly does reduce my chances with the ladies here. But hey, what can I do about it? There's no point even thinking about it.
The thing is, very few people have 'no hope.' People come on here asking for ADVICE, and when people give advice, they give excuses, excuses, excuses. Which makes me think they just come on here to have a big pity party so they won't actually have to do anything to try to achieve their goal, cos that'd be too much effort.
Well, I would rather be encouraged to a point rather than someone telling yeah 'you're right, you're a hopeless case.' Believe me, it seems ALL I HEAR is people lecturing me: all facets of my life. Right now I just need time, so I'm not moaning about my lack of a love life. I've hardly exhausted ALL the opportunities.
Nyanna's issues are probably two-fold as well. She says she wants to feel desired by MOST men. It's as much a self-esteem/ego thing to her as finding 'the one.' But what I mean is, there are some people of x race.etc who say 'because I'm dark skinned or Asian or whatever it's IMPOSSIBLE to date.' That's BS. If you really want to find love, you'll find a way out of it. I'm Asian myself, I don't know how that compares to being a dark skinned women, but it certainly does reduce my chances with the ladies here. But hey, what can I do about it? There's no point even thinking about it.
The thing is, very few people have 'no hope.' People come on here asking for ADVICE, and when people give advice, they give excuses, excuses, excuses. Which makes me think they just come on here to have a big pity party so they won't actually have to do anything to try to achieve their goal, cos that'd be too much effort.
That's the difference between you (and most other people) and me -- just because someone doesn't want to hear 'you're a hopeless case,' doesn't make it any less true. Personally, I don't care at all about feeding someone some B.S. just because they don't want to spoil their day. I'd rather just not say anything at all, if that's the case.
Yes that's true Nyanna issues also involve her ego of wanting majority of men to desire her. She is always going to 'fail' in that area because by virtue of world we live in, majority of men do not desire dark skinned women in the first place. She is going to have to accept that part or keep running in circles about it. Being Asian does reduce your chances, you are the male equivalent of the 'dark skinned black/Indian woman,' I think. LOL. If you have never had any results and still feel it's worth it to keep trying at something, then so be it. But you can't hold anyone else to that same standard. And another difference between me and you I don't beleive 'very few or none' 'have no hope.' There's like 7 billion people in the world, more then a few of them 'have no hope.' It is not possible for every single person to succeed in every area of life. Just because you beleive you should have something, doesn't mean you will get it. Beleiving you're entiteld to certain things, will run you into a lot of trouble when those things don't materialize. Peronsally, I could've saved myself a lot of time and energy if someone had told me earlier in life, 'not every woman finds a man,' 'is wanted by men,' etc. etc.
And that last part is exactly what I'm talking about, deciding for someone else how far the measuring stick should go. You also sat there and decided that (whomever) didn't ever put in any effort.' Again, something else you can't draw conclusions about another person...Anyways, I'm not going to keep going in circles about it, people will always beat others down for making choices they wouldn't have made, it's not a 'pity party,' it's reality. Look at some of the responses to this OP. they think everyone is supposed to feel good and 'positive', even when clearly there's nothing there. TTYL.
You make your own choices in life, primarily how you choose to react to things that happen to you, and those things can either be allowed to or disallowed from affecting your perspective and future choices. For some people, it is easier to throw up hands and say, "This is the life I have no choice but to be resigned to," because the alternative seems untenable.
I think C-D is an anomaly that just happens to attract a higher % of people in this area. The same can be said for people who frequent dating sites, they're looking for something that can be attained if they put forth the effort and turn off their computer.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
