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You'd better be comfortable with hot weather if you move to AZ. Just something to think about.
I'm assuming that for the OP, applying for and interviewing for a new job, finding a new apartment, etc. would bring up the same fears of putting himself out there and of rejection.
We went over stuff you need to do in a previous thread - long story short, hit the gym, you CAN be muscular and good-looking, it's work but anything worth having is. Do something to build confidence, martial arts are a good compliment to weight training and running. Learn to skydive, something like that.
A better job would help. What are you going to do career wise?
Work is keeping me in this location.
I'm too lazy to hit the gym, plus it's not a good place for people with social anxiety. There are a million reasons to hate being in a gym if you're afraid of people. I am starting to work out on my own more often, though.
Getting a better job is also something I'm sort of working on, but it's tough. In this economy, if you have social anxiety and therefore no ability to network or approach employers and no friends, and a million examples that your life's been a failure instead of a million accomplishments to brag about, getting a better job is a ridiculous proposition.
I'm too lazy to hit the gym, plus it's not a good place for people with social anxiety. There are a million reasons to hate being in a gym if you're afraid of people. I am starting to work out on my own more often, though.
Getting a better job is also something I'm sort of working on, but it's tough. In this economy, if you have social anxiety and therefore no ability to network or approach employers and no friends, and a million examples that your life's been a failure instead of a million accomplishments to brag about, getting a better job is a ridiculous proposition.
It's ok. You take it step by step. You have a counselor for the social anxiety, that's the first step. Given the social anxiety being the fundamental issue upon which everything you describe here is predicated, resolving the social anxiety is obviously the first step. Taken all together, it's a big project, so you just take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, in the right direction. Radical change doesn't happen overnight.
I met my boyfriend when he was 22. He had never had a previous girlfriend before (ever) and his job kept him wandering the US with no chance of ever settling down to ever meet a girl. He at the time had little confidence and was hopeless. He was extremely lonely and growing tired. I was a socially awkward (yet easy to adjust) girl who wasn't looking. I was so socially awkward at the time that I got nervous every time someone would call me or knock on the door. (Social phobia, any one?) We met, I broke the ice even in all my awkwardness. I was smitten.
We lived in two different states on top of that. When he left my little farmland of a state, I made point to stay in touch. We chatted online for a little while and I made the first move. I called him cute. Not something I would normally do. After that, we got closer than before and we've now been dating for almost 4 years. Living together for 3 of those years. This is both our first relationship.
It's possible. Just believe in yourself, don't lose faith, and wait for it to come naturally. It will happen.
Since the thread is still going, I'll join in on the pity fest.
Hey Davros, lets compare our lots:
’ve recently turned 20 (I'm a Chinese American Male) a few months ago and looking towards the future, I can’t but help feel that I am along the way to being Forever Alone (if I’m not already FA). On some nights, I have thought long and hard about my problems and obstacles and I think I narrowed it down.
1) Time: I work a P/T job at a Bank (20-29 hrs/wk) and go to School full time (5 classes, 15-16 credits/semester) which seriously reduces my free time. I volunteer at a tax organization to pad my resume and I tutor piano on the weekends. Lack of time means I have to ration the amount of free time I devote to my hobbies (narrowed down to anime and gaming due to constraints). I also live at home as I go to a commuter school.
2) Mental Issues: Nothing serious really. Just the usual fear of rejection people have, for me it started after a particularly humiliating incident in Middle School. Haven’t hit on or made advances on a member of the opposite sex since. Not sure if related, but I also tried my best not to mistake friendly behavior for flirtatious behavior as I don’t want to creep anyone out.
I think another mental issue would be my performance anxiety. I’ve seem to have developed a need to not suck at things I do. Again I think it stems from a fear of humiliation and as such, developing relationships seems to be a minefield of humiliations. I have no idea wtf to do on a date, for sex, maintain a relationship, attracting the opposite sex etc. Not to mention no sense of style. I also have a collection of 10 1/10- 1/8 scale Anime PVC figures.
3) I am not particularly attractive and I’m quite serious about this, not those oh my self esteem sucks and I’m ugly people on /amiugly. I am at the very least below average since I have an asymmetrical face/jaw/mandible. It can be hidden a bit if I smile, but my upper teeth stick out a little and my lower teeth is crowded/screwy due to failed orthodontic treatment, hence I don't like to smile that much.
I don't think it's possible to be forever alone when you're only 20 years old, Byronic ... man ... you're young.
You have opportunities to meet women in college. If only someone had smacked me in the head when I was 20 years old and told me to buck the heck up, realize that people can like you, learn to meet people, and don't be so scared of women ... maybe I would have turned out better.
20 ? Really ? And so depressed and "hopeless" at so young an age ?
When I was 20 I thought I had all the time in the world to meet a woman some day and start a serious relationship. But at that time, I had several women who were interested in me and I paid basically no attention to them. Most of them weren't all that hot, but man, I wish I hadn't been so picky.
Even more frustrating, there was one who really liked me and she was really cute, but I was just too scared to follow up on the times she basically proved to me that she liked me, by attempting to reach out to me and interact socially. She's the one who got away. I was just too scared to take any chance that such a perfect woman would reject me, that I did absolutely nothing to let her know how much I liked her. I rejected her even though that's the closest I've ever been to being in love, all because I was too scared of being rejected by her. It's seems so dumb to think back on that now.
I remember in 2002 when I was 22 years old flying on a plane senior year for an interview and thinking about the past and thinking about how I'd screwed up so much for the past 2 years or so, and I felt really hopeless at that point, and we were having a rough landing, and I thought, "I don't care if I die today" since I thought I'd wasted so much of my life, and was washed up.
Fast forward to now, 10 years in the future, and I can count dozens of times since then that I wished I could go back to 2002 on that plane ride again, and realize that I still was in great shape at that time. How many times have I screwed up more and more in those past 10 years ? Many, many times.
I'm now officially a washed up old man, only 32 years old, but hopeless, all because of my attitude that I refuse to change.
So, yeah, I think I got you way beat in the loser department.
Byronic, I hope you realize this. There are young women at your school who wish you'd ask them out. I know it. I don't care what kind of asymmetries you have. You're young. And you'll never have such easy access to so many available women in your life.
You may not have time to date right now, but at least make friends with women. Don't make the mistakes I made. Please don't. Don't become me.
Since the thread is still going, I'll join in on the pity fest.
Hey Davros, lets compare our lots:
’ve recently turned 20 (I'm a Chinese American Male) a few months ago and looking towards the future, I can’t but help feel that I am along the way to being Forever Alone (if I’m not already FA). On some nights, I have thought long and hard about my problems and obstacles and I think I narrowed it down.
1) Time: I work a P/T job at a Bank (20-29 hrs/wk) and go to School full time (5 classes, 15-16 credits/semester) which seriously reduces my free time. I volunteer at a tax organization to pad my resume and I tutor piano on the weekends. Lack of time means I have to ration the amount of free time I devote to my hobbies (narrowed down to anime and gaming due to constraints). I also live at home as I go to a commuter school.
2) Mental Issues: Nothing serious really. Just the usual fear of rejection people have, for me it started after a particularly humiliating incident in Middle School. Haven’t hit on or made advances on a member of the opposite sex since. Not sure if related, but I also tried my best not to mistake friendly behavior for flirtatious behavior as I don’t want to creep anyone out.
I think another mental issue would be my performance anxiety. I’ve seem to have developed a need to not suck at things I do. Again I think it stems from a fear of humiliation and as such, developing relationships seems to be a minefield of humiliations. I have no idea wtf to do on a date, for sex, maintain a relationship, attracting the opposite sex etc. Not to mention no sense of style. I also have a collection of 10 1/10- 1/8 scale Anime PVC figures.
3) I am not particularly attractive and I’m quite serious about this, not those oh my self esteem sucks and I’m ugly people on /amiugly. I am at the very least below average since I have an asymmetrical face/jaw/mandible. It can be hidden a bit if I smile, but my upper teeth stick out a little and my lower teeth is crowded/screwy due to failed orthodontic treatment, hence I don't like to smile that much.
You are not alone. Lots of students are in your position. Lots of average-looking students, who do get girlfriends after graduation. You can always get orthodontia. Maybe your hormones (testosterone--the libido one) haven't come fully online yet. Sometimes they don't happen until 21 or even 22. When they hit you 100%, you won't mind giving oral sex. You won't be able to get enough of it, and you'll love the smell, and it's not like that sauce you hate. If a girl is into you, she won't mind reciprocating. She may even dig it, if she really likes you.
Right now, you have a choice. You could give up some of what little hobby time you have to joining a group on campus, or hanging out in the cool coffee shop, or doing some group activity. Or...not. Maybe one of your new piano students will turn out to be a dream girl. Maybe they'll hire a sweet new teller at your bank.
You're doing the right things career-wise. You just have to decide if anime and gaming are more important to you than the possibility of women. Or maybe you don't feel ready for women...? So do what you need to do to feel ready. See a dentist, they have orthodontic equipment that is nearly invisible these days, not like those awful metal braces in the old days. Cheaper, too.
RE: friendly behavior: If a woman smiles at you, smile back, or say "hi". It can't hurt. Nobody got creeped out by a simple "hi". Then see what happens next. If it's someone you recognize from class, say "hi, how's class?" Or "what did you think of that last test?". No creep factor there. If a convo doesn't happen, no loss, just keep going. You can't win if you don't enter the contest. Good luck.
B-C, you're not alone. Lots of students are in your position. Lots of average-looking students, who do get girlfriends after graduation. You can always get orthodontia. Maybe your hormones (testosterone--the libido one) haven't come fully online yet. Sometimes they don't happen until 21 or even 22. When they hit you 100%, you won't mind giving oral sex. You won't be able to get enough of it, and you'll love the smell, and it's not like that sauce you hate. If a girl is into you, she won't mind reciprocating. She may even dig it, if she really likes you.
Right now, you have a choice. You could give up some of what little hobby time you have to joining a group on campus, or hanging out in the cool coffee shop, or doing some group activity. Or...not. Maybe one of your new piano students will turn out to be a dream girl. Maybe they'll hire a sweet new teller at your bank.
You're doing the right things career-wise. You just have to decide if anime and gaming are more important to you than the possibility of women. Or maybe you don't feel ready for women...? So do what you need to do to feel ready. See a dentist, they have orthodontic equipment that is nearly invisible these days, not like those awful metal braces in the old days. Cheaper, too.
RE: friendly behavior: If a woman smiles at you, smile back, or say "hi". It can't hurt. Nobody got creeped out by a simple "hi". Then see what happens next. If it's someone you recognize from class, say "hi, how's class?" Or "what did you think of that last test?". No creep factor there. If a convo doesn't happen, no loss, just keep going. You can't win if you don't enter the contest. Good luck.
Oh wow, thanks guys. I never thought of it that way. Cause seriously, when I look back on my 1st two years in college, I was like lol..
Its quite funny, cause a few months ago, a female co-worker of mine was like. "Hey you want to go Karaoke-ing with me and my friend, she lieks Japanese songs and you listen to them right?" (since we shared a few similar interests and along w. her friend). My response, well I'l sing in the shower, but I'll never do so in front of other ppl (in a joking way). So I declined politely, on more than one occasion. Looking back on it, I mentally head-desk myself. Then again, she and her friend were older than I am, although they don't look like it. Everyone in the office say I look older than her, like and older brother old. Asian Women genes man.
That's not love. That's not happiness. That's someone using you for your money. It's an empty life and lie to live... I don't wish that on anyone.
According to ALL the "I'm lonely and can't find a girlfriend" threads that is ALL woman want, MONEY.
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Everyone in the office say I look older than her, like and older brother old. Asian Women genes man.
