My new philosophy when it comes to women.

[stepka]

Originally Posted by dub dub II

Yes. She'll need to make the next move if anything is to happen. I'll hang out with her for a bit, but I'm expecting the next move to be her's. After suffecient time, if nothing'll happen, I'll be on my way.

I thought she just made the last move by asking you to hang out after 1-1/2 years. Now she has to make the next one too? Sorry, guess I'm confused too.

[MsAnnThrope]

Originally Posted by dub dub II

I've been told multiple times that I'm stupid...truth is...it's probably true.

^^^^THIS.

But, I don't know, that's just how I think

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^STOP THIS

...and it's not like my grammar is great...I fragment my sentences a lot.
Just doing me I guess. I'll try to be more accessible...

JUST STOP.

[dr74]

Originally Posted by dub dub II

Honestly, if you can't understand my writing...I don't know. I understand most of what everyone else is writing...and in my mind I'm being perfectly clear, expressing the states in which I find myself to the best of language's capability.

I wasn't really chasing her. Basically, I introduced myself, asked her for girl advice, texted her for a bit, ran into her a couple times, texted her more, then she finally asked me if I wanted to "hang out". It took her 1.5 years, she was slow...it makes her smart...
This honestly does not mean anything, it could be she has not seen anyone in awhile and after all the correspondence you both have shared she decided to hang out, there is nothing wrong with this and this does not make her "smart" Because 1.5 years is a long time in playing "hard to get."


A part of me thinks I deserve it. Or her. Or it. Whichever. That is, I've been busting my ass to make sure that if and when that special other comes into my life, I'll have more to say to her than "whatsup"...that is, I'll have a good grasp on who I am, what I want, what I'm doing to get where I want to be, etc. etc. The fact that she's taking (what seems to be) a long time to show up, it annoys me.
This imho is going to be your downfall.
Busting your ass consists of what? Making strides and good sound decisions in ensuring that you are financially stable? confident in what you want out of a relationship? What you will or will not deal with? ( Deal breakers)? Any smart person does this after doing a personal inventory and realizing that something is not working.
However people usually do this for personal reasons, self improvement, enlightenment so to speak.
This is all for the individuals benefit not for "someone else"
What you are seeking does not happen over night, there is no "instant gratification" when it comes to someone "special"


I guess you can say I feel entitled. If women don't think I deserve it, then I just move on to the next. Women? 3 billion of them, they're far from special.
This is a good example of a "sense of entitlement" It is more complicated that "deserving it" If you are thinking along these linear terms you are in for mass disappointment.

But at the same time, what if the one that actually is special doesn't think I deserve her for whatever reason? I don't give up, that's my problem. I don't think she has that choice...to simply dismiss me without getting to know me first. Maybe when I was younger...but now? Not after I've been busting my ass specifically for her for all my "alone" life. She doesn't get the right to judge me after 5 minutes of interacting with me and not getting to know the whole me.
Yet another I.E. OF a "deep sense of entitlement"
Every person ( Male or Female) has the right to refuse advances from anyone regardless of the their own distinct personal reasons.
Self improvement and self awareness is a personal gift to ourselves AND TO NO ONE ELSE. To place this type of responsibility on the ONE you feel is the "SPECIAL ONE" IS UNFAIR.
sHE MOST DEFINITELY has the right to not want to have anything to do with you after 5 minutes or less.
You cannot base yourself on the response of another.
No One person is responsible for another's happiness and ideals..
Despite your hard work, no one OWES you anything, I am sorry.


I guess that's the main schism of self, because it's contradictory. Of course she does get to judge, but I don't think she does, but since when did that ever matter? I'll still do what I'll do, and she'll still think what she'll think.

Exactly...However you should not allow your view of your achievements and self worth depreciate simply because someone does not seem or is not interested, this is their opinion and not yours, you should simply move forward and look for someone who is interested.

Originally Posted by dub dub II

I'm not sure how others get into relationships, but with me it's all about progression. You see, I initiated. I got her number...hell, I was downright nasty with how I did that.

But then, I told her straight off the bat that I'd like her if we spent more time with one another. That she should expect me to make moves...this cooled her off me for a bit.
The fact that she cooled off of after your statement should have been an indicator that you were projecting your needs unto her and she did not agree.

So, I moved on...kinda. I still texted her all the time because she's a good person to bounce ideas off of. But nothing sexual...just a good friend in my book, until she doesn't want me to be anymore.
Once this type of relationship changing behavior occurs? You change the dynamics of the relationship. This statement leads me to believe that you are merely friends nothing more or less.

Anyway, then she progresses the relationship beyond what it was. We've never hung out at her place...she's never hung out at mine.

What this means is that she knows that I think of her in sexual ways (I've made it clear), and she isn't put off by this...which means if she gives me a chance, I'll be making a move. This also means that she's probably thought of me in sexual ways...enough to be ok with my "flirting"...
Or she has grown accustomed to your friendship and feels safe with inviting you over to her place. Regarding of what you may think you made clear she my be unaware of it and thinks of you as a good friend, and yes some opposite sex friends flirt at times "safely" because they both know it is safe and not going to go anywhere.

If she puts herself in that situation, I'll just be fulfilling my obligations...

I don't intend on hanging out unless she understands what that is leading to. Like I said, my new philosophy "Don't waste my time".

You are wasting your time and you are not even aware of it. Your ideas and thoughts about her and the matter are largely being based off of your assumptions and therefore you are still hanging out and leading her to believe that the relationship that exists between you currently is something you agree with and are okay with.

Originally Posted by dub dub II

I've been told multiple times that I'm stupid...truth is...it's probably true.
But, I don't know, that's just how I think...and it's not like my grammar is great...I fragment my sentences a lot.
Just doing me I guess. I'll try to be more accessible...

This is a self defeating attitude.

Originally Posted by dub dub II

Yes. She'll need to make the next move if anything is to happen. I'll hang out with her for a bit, but I'm expecting the next move to be her's. After suffecient time, if nothing'll happen, I'll be on my way.

You may be waiting for a long time since she may not be aware of what your feelings are. 1.5 years is a very long time waiting for someone to feel the same way you do so I would move on. You cannot expect every woman of interest to "make a move" I know I do not, never have, never will.