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What about women who are direct and decisive? Turn on or off?
i think it gets little more complex here, because even though being indirect for example is a feminine trait by definition, in todays world both being direct and decisive are thought of with positive connotation. However, it wasnt so for thousands of years of hman evolution so if this question was asked in 1600s for example, the answer from almost all men would have been a resounding turn off. I know that today many guys (myself included) find women who are direct and decisive, attractive although some may be intimidated by it, just like some intimidated by women in traditionaly male professions or succesful women in general. So while being decisive and direct arent exaclty feminine traits, they are in the very least positive traits.
Last edited by Ascension2012; 08-12-2012 at 10:52 PM..
I read that but that's what led me to believe he was getting to the root of it. Yes women can be emotional wrecks (men can too), yes men can be sex crazed (women can too). But this only on the surface. Why are we emotional? Why do we love sex? We are looking for a connection. If we are emotional it's because we feel hurt and/or misunderstood. Ya sex feels good but most people who love sex on a much deeper and yet basic level love sex because it makes us feel wanted, needed, valued, and in most pleasant cases loved. It all goes back to the basics when you really look at it in my opinion.
We really all are the same in regards to what we want. We just (clearly) communicate these needs differently, react differently when we don't (or feel that we dont) get these basic needs, and more importantly all have different love languages to express love , appreciation, etc to one another.
So one woman may feel loved when she receives gifts vs another who feels loved mostly by affirmation. But it's not really about the gift or affirmation on a deeper level, it's how those things make us feel--loved, validated, appreciated, wanted.
Yet what we need to feel loved, appreciated, and or valued can come in mass variety of ways. This is where the difference and compatibility comes in. This is what makes us all unique.
If our society or the media told women that name brand purses were for cheap whores, most of us wouldn't even desire those things. It all goes back to the basics. Just my thoughts and observation.
Good stuff, i see how you can say that we are the same in many different ways. I always look at it from another angle, i guess it really depends on the topic of the conversation. My opinion, at the most basic level of needs, men want women who can give them offspring and women want men who will provide and protect their family, not only during pregnancy but for the forseeable future. This is why men are attracted to youth and beauty, both equate on unconscious level with fertility and time to produce offspring, while women are more interested in mans behavior that will exhibit good traits as the protector and a provider. His looks arent as important, since he isnt needed to produce offspring. In these basic regards, men and women couldnt be any more different. It is driven by natural instinct that allows this civilization to continue.
I have to disagree, Trimac. If inside a LTR or even married, the couple should already know each other well enough. For example; my brother and her wife compliment each other really well. My brother is OCD like no ones business and she generally isn't. But she has a certain way to clean the house, while he just cleans everything. I have seen it before, but watching the both of them is just really interesting and pretty much something I'm looking for myself.
However, that's while inside a relationship. On the flip side, that first approach, trying to figure out that person via looks and body language alone doesn't give you a lot to go on. You can assume that she'll be interested in something; but as soon as you say the wrong thing or if she simply doesn't find you interesting, then you can keep on walking. Then again, how would I know if I didn't try first?
On a funny side-note: I was listening to a radio station about a few weeks ago. Their topic was, "If you could be in a man's/woman's body for any amount of time, what would you do?" Of course, mostly men called to openly say, "I would "play" with the goods, first, but after, I would have to write down everything that I think about and keep it for review later."
Most of the women, which was less than a handful, said something different entirely. They weren't really interested in what rolls around in men's minds, but more so what it felt like to have something hang between their legs. Oh yah, and what it really felt like to get "kicked". (Really, that's all they could really think about?!)
I have to disagree, Trimac. If inside a LTR or even married, the couple should already know each other well enough. For example; my brother and her wife compliment each other really well. My brother is OCD like no ones business and she generally isn't. But she has a certain way to clean the house, while he just cleans everything. I have seen it before, but watching the both of them is just really interesting and pretty much something I'm looking for myself.
However, that's while inside a relationship. On the flip side, that first approach, trying to figure out that person via looks and body language alone doesn't give you a lot to go on. You can assume that she'll be interested in something; but as soon as you say the wrong thing or if she simply doesn't find you interesting, then you can keep on walking. Then again, how would I know if I didn't try first?
On a funny side-note: I was listening to a radio station about a few weeks ago. Their topic was, "If you could be in a man's/woman's body for any amount of time, what would you do?" Of course, mostly men called to openly say, "I would "play" with the goods, first, but after, I would have to write down everything that I think about and keep it for review later."
Most of the women, which was less than a handful, said something different entirely. They weren't really interested in what rolls around in men's minds, but more so what it felt like to have something hang between their legs. (Really, that's all they could really think about?!)
Haha. I enjoyed this ^^^ very interesting to say the least.
I have to disagree, Trimac. If inside a LTR or even married, the couple should already know each other well enough. For example; my brother and her wife compliment each other really well. My brother is OCD like no ones business and she generally isn't. But she has a certain way to clean the house, while he just cleans everything. I have seen it before, but watching the both of them is just really interesting and pretty much something I'm looking for myself.?!)
Yeah, I would think understanding what makes someone tick would be a prerequisite to marriage...
Sometimes it strikes me as a cop-out, an excuse to not try to understand them as an individual, instead assuming that all men/women think exactly alike.
Of course gender does affect psychology, to a degree, but I think there's the risk of totally discounting individual variations in personality that affect thinking and behaviour. Also, why the need to totally 'get' someone, or understand them, as if they're a puzzle or some kind of machine to be 'worked out.' Isn't the whole mystery of it half the fun, anyway?
Sometimes this kind of talk, it's like it makes us out to be different species, or from different planets. I really don't think we're that different as we make out. We want them same things, we have the same desires, fears, motivations.etc. Men are not all sex-crazed Neanderthals and women are not all irrationally emotional wrecks.
And if you really don't understand, it seems some people are too thick to take the effort to actually try to learn about their partner. If they really cared they wouldn't be willfully ignorant, as they are about so many other things. A disconcertingly high percentage of people put their hands and say 'I don't want to/need to know.'
Do you agree/disagree?
This is the best post of yours that I have read on this site.
Good stuff, i see how you can say that we are the same in many different ways. I always look at it from another angle, i guess it really depends on the topic of the conversation. My opinion, at the most basic level of needs, men want women who can give them offspring and women want men who will provide and protect their family, not only during pregnancy but for the forseeable future. This is why men are attracted to youth and beauty, both equate on unconscious level with fertility and time to produce offspring, while women are more interested in mans behavior that will exhibit good traits as the protector and a provider. His looks arent as important, since he isnt needed to produce offspring. In these basic regards, men and women couldnt be any more different. It is driven by natural instinct that allows this civilization to continue.
But we do need men to produce offspring. We need the x and y chromosomes to produce a child. Additionally, women prefer someone healthy too. No use of picking a man to provide when he eats bacon like there's no tomorrow. God forbid he may not live long enough to provide. Or he could be overweight and develop arthritis and knee problems early on. Depending on his job this could make him be out of work. Will you be so unhealthy you cant run around with me and my kids in the park? This all matters. So I believe most women desire men to look and be healthy and in shape. I know I do.
Also, I believe in addition to this men do look at traits of the women very heavily. After a woman pops out those babies she's gotta nurture those kids. Can't just be young and healthy. You gotta have the personality and character to raise those kids to be emotionally and mentally stable and happy. In that regard the traits of a woman are just as important. Wouldn't wanna pop out any beautiful Dohmers or Mansons.
Last edited by FromTN2A2; 08-12-2012 at 11:56 PM..
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,081,790 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by FromTN2A2
But we do need men to produce offspring. We need the x and y chromosomes to produce a child. Additionally, women prefer someone healthy too. No use of picking a man to provide when he eats bacon like there's no tomorrow. God forbid he may not live long enough to provide. Or he could be overweight and develop arthritis and knee problems early on. Depending on his job this could make him be out of work. Will you be so unhealthy you cant run around with me and my kids in the park? This all matters. So I believe most women desire men to look and be healthy and in shape. I know I do.
Also, I believe in addition to this men do look at traits of the women very heavily. After a woman pops out those babies she's gotta nurture those kids. Can't just be young and healthy. You gotta have the personality and character to raise those kids to be emotionally and mentally stable and happy. In that regard the traits of a woman are just as important. Wouldn't wanna pop out any beautiful Dohmers or Mansons.
I was wondering about that comment. Last time I checked women could not reproduce asexually, lmao.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,081,790 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by FromTN2A2
I read that but that's what led me to believe he was getting to the root of it. Yes women can be emotional wrecks (men can too), yes men can be sex crazed (women can too). But this only on the surface. Why are we emotional? Why do we love sex? We are looking for a connection. If we are emotional it's because we feel hurt and/or misunderstood. Ya sex feels good but most people who love sex on a much deeper and yet basic level love sex because it makes us feel wanted, needed, valued, and in most pleasant cases loved. It all goes back to the basics when you really look at it in my opinion.
We really all are the same in regards to what we want. We just (clearly) communicate these needs differently, react differently when we don't (or feel that we dont) get these basic needs, and more importantly all have different love languages to express love , appreciation, etc to one another.
So one woman may feel loved when she receives gifts vs another who feels loved mostly by affirmation. But it's not really about the gift or affirmation on a deeper level, it's how those things make us feel--loved, validated, appreciated, wanted.
Yet what we need to feel loved, appreciated, and or valued can come in mass variety of ways. This is where the difference and compatibility comes in. This is what makes us all unique.
If our society or the media told women that name brand purses were for cheap whores, most of us wouldn't even desire those things. It all goes back to the basics. Just my thoughts and observation.
Yes same basic essential needs, just different ways of fulfilling them.
I think it's absolutely normal to be frustrated at what people of both genders do. We are all human, after all, and even the most intelligent among us have moments in which logic just seems to go out the door. It's normal to vent about it, but it becomes unhealthy when that venting becomes full-on derision. It's one thing to feel the need to vent to a close friend, feel better and move on, but it's another thing where it becomes constant whining and complaining.
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Oh yah, and what it really felt like to get "kicked". (Really, that's all they could really think about?!)
