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How will they be kept from you? Visitation IS negotiable. And at their ages, they will be free to see you whenever THEY want. No court is going to stop them from visiting you at their request.
As I have said, I am not dealing with a s2bx who is fair minded. She knows I am very much devoted to my kids, and she would not be encouraging of me being with them. And the fact that they would be "visiting" me and not living with me in the first place is in itself disconcerting.
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I know many families who have shared 50/50 custody. It is becoming the norm. But of course you know this because people have been telling you this for as long as you have been posting about your failed marriage. For some reason you just don't want to accept it.
I don't fully accept it because I know too many fathers in my community and circle of friends who don't have a fair arrangement, as well as vindictive exes who do all kinds of underhanded and passive aggressive things to adversely affect the relationships between the children and the father. This kind of action I, sadly, don't put past my wife.
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Meanwhile, do you ever stop to think what you and your family will be like after 6 more long years of living like this? No love, no trust, and a boatload of crappy memories?
I so agree that only Lucario can make this difficult choice.
But "staying together for the kids" almost always backfires.
And by watching their parents have such a rotten marriage these kids are 10x more likely to go out and have the same kind of marriages themselves Imagine the guilt he'll feel then!
I don't even want my kids to get married, though if they want kids, I reluctantly realize that marriage is a better option.
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It's just very risky to do what he is doing, statistically.
Not to mention, he is starved for love and affection , which can ultimately send him to an earlier grave.
But again, it's only because we think he's such an awesome guy so deserving of more that we are trying to give him other ways of looking at this thing
I've already realized that I'm not going to have a long life. But I also know that if I don't have love or affection from my kids, I'm not going to have love or affection.
I don't even want my kids to get married, though if they want kids, I reluctantly realize that marriage is a better option.
After a certain age (which is fast approaching) it won't matter what YOU want - they will be their own people who will make many decisions, some you are going to not like much at all.
What is your wife getting out of living with a man who hates her? I just don't understand this. She needs to step up and file, because this is a toxic family and the kids are suffering more than you know.
What is your wife getting out of living with a man who hates her? I just don't understand this. She needs to step up and file, because this is a toxic family and the kids are suffering more than you know.
What makes you think I hate her? I love her - but it is obvious that we are incompatible in the most fundamental of ways. There has been much emotional and verbal abuse that I have taken from her, and as a result I am very, very angry at her. More than that, however, I am sad that she is so oblivious to the effect her attitude and personality has had on our family. Am I perfect or saintly? No. But the difference is that I readily acknowledge that and she refuses to. That is the fundamental problem I have with the relationship.
Hell - if she files, she files. But that will open up a Pandora's box, and I do not want that. I assume she doesn't want that either.
What is your wife getting out of living with a man who hates her? I just don't understand this. She needs to step up and file, because this is a toxic family and the kids are suffering more than you know.
Are you her friend? Do y'all sit around and complain to each other about how bad your husbands are?
I don't know Lucario. You make excuses that don't fly and it seems to me your head is in the wrong place. IMO your kids are learning all the wrong lessons and you are their headmaster. You don't want them to marry? This statement all by itself says you have lost your way. We all partake of a pity party from time to time but like any party eventually the lights have to go out and its time to go. So it is with this one. You need to quit what you are about and do what has to be done.
I'm not trying to be a Richard here but this has been ongoing for far too long and it seems to me that you are slipping day by day into a worse place when I read your stuff. I don't expect that you would put any faith in the words of a random person on a board so please talk to a pro about this and consult with an attorney. Get some perspective from someone outside who can see in without bias. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids, even for your wife. Find healing.
I don't know Lucario. You make excuses that don't fly and it seems to me your head is in the wrong place. IMO your kids are learning all the wrong lessons and you are their headmaster. You don't want them to marry? This statement all by itself says you have lost your way. We all partake of a pity party from time to time but like any party eventually the lights have to go out and its time to go. So it is with this one. You need to quit what you are about and do what has to be done.
I'm not trying to be a Richard here but this has been ongoing for far too long and it seems to me that you are slipping day by day into a worse place when I read your stuff. I don't expect that you would put any faith in the words of a random person on a board so please talk to a pro about this and consult with an attorney. Get some perspective from someone outside who can see in without bias. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids, even for your wife. Find healing.
WOW - great post!
I've been saying some of the same things to him for probably 2 years now.
I so hope he'll read your words and very carefully consider them.
He's such an awesome guy and he thinks he's doing the right thing, but I am so worried it's going to all come back to bite him in the azz later
Last edited by lovesMountains; 09-26-2012 at 11:24 PM..
I don't know Lucario. You make excuses that don't fly and it seems to me your head is in the wrong place. IMO your kids are learning all the wrong lessons and you are their headmaster. You don't want them to marry? This statement all by itself says you have lost your way. We all partake of a pity party from time to time but like any party eventually the lights have to go out and its time to go. So it is with this one. You need to quit what you are about and do what has to be done.
I'm not trying to be a Richard here but this has been ongoing for far too long and it seems to me that you are slipping day by day into a worse place when I read your stuff. I don't expect that you would put any faith in the words of a random person on a board so please talk to a pro about this and consult with an attorney. Get some perspective from someone outside who can see in without bias. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids, even for your wife. Find healing.
From someone who was in a miserable relationship for entirely too long, heed this man's advise. I wanted to pull the pin and walk away from the cluster ####. No amount of waiting for the right time or whatever justification one can come up with is worth the misery. Once you do, the burden that is lifted is amazing. Simply amazing.
I don't know Lucario. You make excuses that don't fly and it seems to me your head is in the wrong place. IMO your kids are learning all the wrong lessons and you are their headmaster. You don't want them to marry? This statement all by itself says you have lost your way. We all partake of a pity party from time to time but like any party eventually the lights have to go out and its time to go. So it is with this one. You need to quit what you are about and do what has to be done.
I'm not trying to be a Richard here but this has been ongoing for far too long and it seems to me that you are slipping day by day into a worse place when I read your stuff. I don't expect that you would put any faith in the words of a random person on a board so please talk to a pro about this and consult with an attorney. Get some perspective from someone outside who can see in without bias. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids, even for your wife. Find healing.
I do appreciate your words, but how do my "excuses" not fly?
No doubt, I am slipping into a worse place. I have consulted with an attorney..more than once......they want five grand and they can't tell me I am wrong in terms of my fears of losing the ability to raise my boys.
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Imagine the guilt he'll feel then! 
