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There is no need to guilt trip this girl. They BOTH were blinded and made a mistake. It's only been 6 months, that's not a lot of time. OP, time to leave right now before you get pregnant. You shouldn't stay there any more than a month or whenever he asks you to leave, which ever is shorter.
It is more like pack up his stuff because it is her parents home that they live in. Young and blinded by infatuation they mistake as love.
Original Poster: You need to get this man and his child out of your home immediately and do NOT let them back in no matter what he says or does. You were never in love, you were infatuated and impressed with his money and gifts all given freely. If I had all the benefits he has for a few dollars and a few new shiny pretty baubles I'd probably give them to you as well and I'm female and married. Cut them loose for good, get them out of the home, go to school and concentrate on your education, your life and your career.
I will resist the urge to call shenanigans on this thread. Likewise, I shall refrain from passing any comments to the effect that masters rarely love slaves.
Instead, I will just say:
1. Giving you gifts and money is not a reason to be with a man. You've shown an awful materialistic streak, and you need to grow up a bit.
2. Yes, of course two months is too soon to move in with someone. You shouldn't even have been dating anyone at all at that point. This is a rebound romance, and you need to grow up a bit.
3. His kid will get over it. Kids are more resilient than people your age tend to think, and you need to grow up a bit.
4. Do both him and his son a favor and leave. They deserve someone who has her act a little bit more together than you do, and a little bit less willing to mooch than you are. Yes, I know you are only 19, but say it with me: You need to grow up a bit.
I find that telling me to grow up a bit offensive. and I am sorry that my OP came off that way to you. Obviously, I am grown enough to care and parent a 4 year old, be able to have a clean house and clean clothes everyday, have a healthy supper cooked at the same time everyday, plus help with homework with an ADHD child. Who simply forgets everything you just said right after you say it. But, I keep my patience with it, and do my best with him. I must be doing something right given the notes that his teachers send to me from school. I don't know many 19 year olds that had held the same job for 4 years and was the only one out of 9 other grown adults in their 40's that showed up on time and came to work everyday.
1. I am not at all materialistic. It was just an example of how sweet he has been to me. I wasn't going to list every good quality he has in him. and I do think gifts and roses are very nice of a person to do for someone.
2. Yes, I knew it was to soon to move in after only 2 months. That was bad on my part. But, I have learned from it.
3. I hope he will get over it. I hope he is able to forget about me. Last thing I would ever want is for him to be hurt.
4. I believe I do have my act together. It's like you think of me as some little girl just wanting to party. But, it's not the case. and I'm the mooch? You forget that he is the one living in a rent free home with a free babysitter. It's not like I get anything out of it.
I don't want to be thought of as immature. I strongly disagree with that. I just made a mistake, but it doesn't make me less grown up. The important thing is that I learn from it. and will be able to become a successful person in my career.
My boyfriend and I started dating in Febuary of this year. I really liked him and thought I had hit the jackpot on this one. I had only been single for 6 days from a previous 3 year long relationship. I was not at all expecting this to happen so soon. Everything about him was so likeable. He was constanly showering me with gifts and money and never expected anything in return. In April, we decided to move in together, only after 2 months of dating. I knew it was a little to fast, but I really liked him at the time and we were getting along wonderfully.
Now 6 months later, I no longer feel the same way. That "fire" really burned out quick for me and I find myself trying to force falling in love. I want to love a man like him, he's that guy that every girl wants. He still acts the same way he did when we first met. Always gifts, telling me I am beautiful, and doing everything & anything for me. But, I am not happy with him at all. I can't figure out why I can't be happy. He's not doing anything wrong. I pull away when he hugs me, I roll over when he tries to cuddle, I can't bring myself to kiss him longer than a second. I want to leave.
The reason it is so hard for me to leave is because he has a 4 year old son that also lives with me. I quit my job over the summer to get to know his son and spend time with him. Obviously, we grew very close. I take care of him 24/7 while my boyfriend works 14-15 hours a day. I am only 19, and being a parent to a child is very new to me. I love him tons and I think of him as my own child, and it will kill me to leave him. (His real mother litterally left him on a doorstep) I'm not only leaving my boyfriend, but also a child. I think of him being confused and hurt. I have been like a mother to him since day one. When he gets hurt or scared, he runs to me for comfort. He wants to me to tuck him in bed.
So, how can I do this? I need to put myself first, and concentrate on making myself happy. But, I can't help but feel guilty about it. I need answers.
Understandable. You made a mistake, you can't take it back. All you can do is lessen the grief as much as you can.
If there is no future in it with this guy, you should tell him, sooner than later. The longer you stay, the more attached that child will become. Still, kids are resilient. At 4, he may not remember much about you down the road, so that works to his benefit. Again, sooner than later.
Hopefully, you will both think harder about co-habitating so quickly, especially when there is a child involved. But you probably already got that memo.
My boyfriend and I started dating in Febuary of this year. I really liked him and thought I had hit the jackpot on this one. I had only been single for 6 days from a previous 3 year long relationship. I was not at all expecting this to happen so soon. Everything about him was so likeable. He was constanly showering me with gifts and money and never expected anything in return. In April, we decided to move in together, only after 2 months of dating. I knew it was a little to fast, but I really liked him at the time and we were getting along wonderfully.
Now 6 months later, I no longer feel the same way. That "fire" really burned out quick for me and I find myself trying to force falling in love. I want to love a man like him, he's that guy that every girl wants. He still acts the same way he did when we first met. Always gifts, telling me I am beautiful, and doing everything & anything for me. But, I am not happy with him at all. I can't figure out why I can't be happy. He's not doing anything wrong. I pull away when he hugs me, I roll over when he tries to cuddle, I can't bring myself to kiss him longer than a second. I want to leave.
The reason it is so hard for me to leave is because he has a 4 year old son that also lives with me. I quit my job over the summer to get to know his son and spend time with him. Obviously, we grew very close. I take care of him 24/7 while my boyfriend works 14-15 hours a day. I am only 19, and being a parent to a child is very new to me. I love him tons and I think of him as my own child, and it will kill me to leave him. (His real mother litterally left him on a doorstep) I'm not only leaving my boyfriend, but also a child. I think of him being confused and hurt. I have been like a mother to him since day one. When he gets hurt or scared, he runs to me for comfort. He wants to me to tuck him in bed.
So, how can I do this? I need to put myself first, and concentrate on making myself happy. But, I can't help but feel guilty about it. I need answers.
You have two options:
1. Talk to the man you're dating and simply tell him how you feel and that you need some distance in the relationship. Just tell him that he's doing too much and it's causing you to loose internist in him. From here, and if he gives you space, see what happens as far as if the new extra space increases your attraction towards him again.
2. Just Leave. His child is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You're only 19 and it's not your responsibility to be take care of another woman's child. And you should know that you have no legal custody of this child so any work you do for this child really counts for nothing. The bio mother could come back at anytime...
Understandable. You made a mistake, you can't take it back. All you can do is lessen the grief as much as you can.
If there is no future in it with this guy, you should tell him, sooner than later. The longer you stay, the more attached that child will become. Still, kids are resilient. At 4, he may not remember much about you down the road, so that works to his benefit. Again, sooner than later.
Hopefully, you will both think harder about co-habitating so quickly, especially when there is a child involved. But you probably already got that memo.
Thanks for your input. I'm putting an end to it as soon as possible. And, yes I have defiantly learned the lesson.
I find that telling me to grow up a bit offensive. and I am sorry that my OP came off that way to you. Obviously, I am grown enough to care and parent a 4 year old, be able to have a clean house and clean clothes everyday, have a healthy supper cooked at the same time everyday, plus help with homework with an ADHD child. Who simply forgets everything you just said right after you say it. But, I keep my patience with it, and do my best with him. I must be doing something right given the notes that his teachers send to me from school. I don't know many 19 year olds that had held the same job for 4 years and was the only one out of 9 other grown adults in their 40's that showed up on time and came to work everyday.
You seem like a good mom/woman. You also come off much more older then 19.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamiRenae
It was just an example of how sweet he has been to me. I wasn't going to list every good quality he has in him. and I do think gifts and roses are very nice of a person to do for someone.
Was he sweet because he really liked you, or was he being sweet because he was looking for another mom for his child? You figure, you're saving him a lot of money if he works 15 hour days opposed to having to put his kid in daycare.
1. Talk to the man you're dating and simply tell him how you feel and that you need some distance in the relationship. Just tell him that he's doing too much and it's causing you to loose internist in him. From here, and if he gives you space, see what happens as far as if the new extra space increases your attraction towards him again.
2. Just Leave. His child is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You're only 19 and it's not your responsibility to be take care of another woman's child. And you should know that you have no legal custody of this child so any work you do for this child really counts for nothing. The bio mother could come back at anytime...
The sad thing is the bio mother signed her rights away. She is a druggie and he was born with crack in his system. Like I said in my OP she really did leave him on a doorstep. and walked away. Has never had any contact with him or the father since. Although, that is only the fathers side of the story. It may not be true. But, she isn't on his Birth Certificate. I think that's what makes me want to love the child so much more because I want to be that part that he's missing. But you are right, everything that I do doesn't even count.
But I am going to tell him my feelings and hope he'll understand and we can be civil about it. I'm going to finish my school and get my career going. And then have a family.
Thanks.
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