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So when the question was theoretical, he agreed to move if a job came up. When it was no longer theoretical, but real, he backed out? So basically, this whole dilemma wouldn't have happened without his misleading guarantees. This is no way to function as a couple or a family. I think he needs to be confronted on his duplicity. I'd be curious to see what he says when asked why he agreed to it initially, but then withdrew his support and dug in his heels.
Oh well.
I like that word.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy
You're right, they can't. However, marriage is a partnership with equal parts, both people will need to make compromises. Hopefully the couple is compatible enough to have the same values, otherwise the relationship will be 'rocky' for lack of a better word.
Agreed. I could be wrong, but he may respond if she's clear, logical, and steadfast about her priorities to the family. I've found men to be responsive to that in the past over wishy washy behavior/povs.
Well, the fact is that he already agreed to it, when he ok'd her job search out of state. So now...wtf? That's a legit question. Not to mention the point about his talk of moving to China and elsewhere to find a job for himself, which would have taken him away from his son. The son sounds like an excuse in this case. And he's turning down a good job for himself, that the company in IN offered? Wow. Oh well. The OP is kind of inbetween a rock and a hard place, being mid-pregnancy, and all. And let's not forget that hubby issued a demand that she turn over the newborn to him should she choose to move out of state. That's beyond bizarre. Does not bode well for the future of the marriage.
Just now reading this. You actually have issues that are workable and a lot if couples go through. First and foremost just because dh plays games now, doesn't mean he won't be there when the child is born. That is an issue the two of you need to actually communicate on. Your schedule will be whatever schedule the baby chooses to have. This is your first child. You'll catch on. Dh has a child already and i am assuming he has been there from the jump with his child so he doesn't have what i call first child jitters of being a new parent. He has some inkling of what to expect.
Financial ot appears the two of you have never been on the same page. I would suggest a financial advisor so you two can get on the same page. It sounds like you have two households living in one with each doing their own thing. It's ok yo have separate accounts to budget out your separate fun money but i would recommend a joint account dedicated to the household bills, savings, family vacations and each automatically contribute an agreed percentage through payroll for both the checking and savings aspect of the family account. Designate one of you to handle financial matters of the house.
As far as you moving, it's hard for a parent to leave their child so you do have to look at it from multiple perspectives. It's not just you, him and an coming baby. There is another child involved that should be considered by you as just part of the family. If it isn't then there's a serious problem. Im sure dh wants the coming baby and big brother or sister to have a relationship and that has to be taken into consideration. Yes it's not easy but neither is marriage.
You are going to just gut check it. Which is more important to you? Your family or your career. Do u relocate or do you continue to search for a job in charlotte. Doesnt sound like you have a bad marriage, sounds like you two just aren't on the same page so first things first, marriage counseling before you make any other decision. Marriage isn't easy, suck it up.
LA Chinatown restaurants would work for me! If you ever do find yourself coming to LA send me a PM - I agree, my wife would be pleased I was able to offer some help to someone on the web. Besides that you two would have much in common, although her life in China was sort of unique!
1) My son was born two weeks ago! He is super healthy and strong. After waiting for 9 months, it was a big relief for me. When the nurse put my son on my chest for me to start nursing him 30 mins after he was born, I could not stop my tears. It was such precious moment!
2) I found a local job last year and started working on December 31. It is a very good position with great benefit and job security. My boss is a really nice guy. He didn't mind I could only work for a month before I have to take a 6-week maternity leave. I was able to get a lot of things done before February. My boss seems to be very happy with me. With my parents' help, I have been recovering really well and will go back to work tomorrow (will mostly work from home for the rest of my 'leave' and occasionally go to the office for meetings).
3) After I made the last post on this forum, I did ask my husband to explain again why he wouldn't relocate with (for) me. He reminded me that at the beginning of my job hunting he said if I could find a job that pays crazily well (like half million dollars per year or something like that), he would consider relocating with me. We both agreed that I would at least talk to companies out of town to just 'proof' I can get a job and find out how much I worth. I did remember we had that conversation after he reminded me. The fact was after talking to a couple firms out of town, I got too excited and forgot about the original idea that I wasn't looking for a job out of town for real (at least not for less than half million dollars ). I wasn't 100% satisfied with his explanation (wish he brought this up first time when he refused to relocate with me other than simply saying: I don't want to move! ), but at that time, I already made peace with myself that I would stay in Charlotte and wait for the next opportunity. So I was ok with his answer and stopped torturing myself.
Luckily I got a job interview in late November and got the position a week after that. I couldn't be happier that I waited a little longer because this is a much better job than I could have ever imagined. It is a very secured job as well so I may never have to worry about looking for a job or relocating anymore for the rest of my life. It was the last interview I went to after I already accepted the idea of stopping job hunting and being a stay home mom for a while. I was huge during the last a few months of my pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet my son.
I want to thank everyone who has responded to my post. Reading comments from you all helped me through a VERY difficult time in my life. Now, I am really happy with how things turned out. It would make me feel better if my husband could be more supportive and be more sensitive about my feeling, but I could not ask for more in my life at this point. THANK YOU!
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). I wasn't 100% satisfied with his explanation (wish he brought this up first time when he refused to relocate with me other than simply saying: I don't want to move! ), but at that time, I already made peace with myself that I would stay in Charlotte and wait for the next opportunity. So I was ok with his answer and stopped torturing myself. 
