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I don't know how this old thread was bumped however to the OP, every sexless marriage I know of are VERY unhappy. When I was in school ( a while back ) we discussed this, if both partners are content without sex then it can be a very happy strong marriage. However if one is NOT happy about the situation and the other keeps dismissing it, it's not a healthy marriage as one is being neglected. This is difficult as people have personal rights and a right to their own body, even in marriage. No one can force another's will through pressure and coercion. It looks like counseling is in order to address this so your H can recognize how important it is to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
Its not the foundation of a marriage, but sex is the nails and glue that holds it together. A sexless marriage isn't truly a marriage (if both are capable of having it, but one elects not to)
Yeah sex isn't everything but without it your just friends. Has to be some constant intimacy.
It's very possible that he has low sex drive due to low testosterone. I've always had a high libido, but due to some medical problems recently my testosterone levels dropped really low. (Just got the lab results this week.) Honestly, I just haven't been interested in sex of any kind recently. Just... not interested. While we (dr & I) are working on the main problem, which has caused the low T levels, I'll be getting a T shot once a month to bring the levels back up where they belong.
Maybe you can get him to have it tested -- simple blood test. I had it done as part of a routine blood workup, but the T check had to be specifically requested. Meanwhile just stay close -- back rubs, foot rubs, etc. will help you stay (or get) intimately close, even if no sex is involved.
Good luck. 40 is way too young to retire from sex.
Oh, and to answer your question, sure some people can have perfectly happy marriages without sex. The question is, can you? We can't answer that. I divorced my first wife, in part, because she had no interest in sex and refused to do anything about it. Any effort on her part would have solved the problem, but I felt she could make some kind of effort if she cared -- seen a doctor, a marriage counselor, explained to me why she wasn't interested -- but she wouldn't talk about it nor do anything about it. After 10-12 years or so of no sex, I told her she had one more year to either explain to me why or to seek professional help of some kind. She refused, so at the end of that year I filed for divorce. It wasn't so much the absence of sex as the absence of intimacy of any kind. I felt like we'd been growing further and further apart each year, and I wanted no more of it.
LOL. I laugh at some of replies and i just skimmed the 1st page. OP your hubby is my dream man. Like him I don't live for sex. I dunno why it's a normal reaction to say the person is a homo if they are not horny.
So being horny is normal? that's yucky to me that's abnormal to me. People like us do exist. By us we mean almost frigid people. LOOOOOOL. and if u think people like us are abnormal, guess what i see horny people as despicable pervs.
yap and for some reason most people think you are a freak for being so,,, i mean WTF?
It's maybe normal to you, but it isn't normal to the great majority of people. You are very much in the minority. Maybe you just have bad luck when you try thinking...
A very close friend of mine has been married for about 26 years, and during that time his wife has tried to rule the relationship, and succeeded until he wanted to buy a motorcycle and she told him he couldn't. A counselor told him to "grow some balls" and buy a motor cycle, after he upped his life insurance and took care of all of the wife's concerns. He said she has been mad at him since buying the motorcycle 5 years ago. He said she hasn't submitted to his sexual advances for 8 years. He doesn't run around on her, drink, party, spend money foolishly, and makes a good living. He does most of the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Both of their kids are out of the home. I told him life is too short to be unhappy, when he files for divorce he will loose half of his business and end up without a job or a business he has worked hard to grow. His wife was a stay at home mother, but she will get half of everything, for not much effort on her part. He said living a celibate life has to end, one way or another. For some people a healthy sex life is necessary to stay happy.
A very close friend of mine has been married for about 26 years, and during that time his wife has tried to rule the relationship, and succeeded until he wanted to buy a motorcycle and she told him he couldn't. A counselor told him to "grow some balls" and buy a motor cycle, after he upped his life insurance and took care of all of the wife's concerns. He said she has been mad at him since buying the motorcycle 5 years ago. He said she hasn't submitted to his sexual advances for 8 years. He doesn't run around on her, drink, party, spend money foolishly, and makes a good living. He does most of the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Both of their kids are out of the home. I told him life is too short to be unhappy, when he files for divorce he will loose half of his business and end up without a job or a business he has worked hard to grow. His wife was a stay at home mother, but she will get half of everything, for not much effort on her part. He said living a celibate life has to end, one way or another. For some people a healthy sex life is necessary to stay happy.
I wonder how the OP story turned out. I read all of the replies on this post. I found it interesting with the poster that said she was in a marriage for 44 years and got divorced and there wasn't any sex and now she is having it. My thought on that particular post was that she must be pretty brave to enter into a new relationship at her most likely current age. Your body changes over time and I guess I would have a hard time starting up a new relationship with a stranger.
Will my sexual desires eventually fade away as I get older making it easy to live without physical intimacy?
No, if you want sex now, than happiness will be better if you separate from him or get a divorce. I also think your husband is probably gay.
You deserve sexual attention, don't deprive yourself from it.
Last edited by bluevalentine1986; 07-20-2013 at 10:33 AM..
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) we discussed this, if both partners are content without sex then it can be a very happy strong marriage. However if one is NOT happy about the situation and the other keeps dismissing it, it's not a healthy marriage as one is being neglected. This is difficult as people have personal rights and a right to their own body, even in marriage. No one can force another's will through pressure and coercion. It looks like counseling is in order to address this so your H can recognize how important it is to you.
