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Like it or not everyone has some sort of baggage. Some might have far more baggage than others. Baggage is very subjective and it comes in many forms such as poor finances, physical or mental health, sick parent or ailing parent, sick sibling, children from previous relationship of relationships, unemployment or being under employed, sometimes even where you live or come from others might see that as baggage due to stereotypes.
No, I have an attitude towards people I don't want to contact me on dating sites, people I have specifically said I am not willing to date.
So? Either ignore them or say no thank you, you don't have to treat them as inferior beings because you're too high and mighty to waste your precious time speaking to them.
I consider that attitude to be a huge amount of baggage.
No previous romantic relationships = very little or no baggage (at least romantically), logically by definition...
Conversely, the more unsuccessful relationships a person has, the greater the probability of having baggage. Simple mathematics...
I've known women outside & from the fourm who have never have been in a relationship "so they say" and they seem to have some baised ideas about the oppersite sex. Which leads me to believe they too have some sort of baggage.
It's interesting, because guys will tell the women that they should spend more time picking good mates and not just jump into a relationship with anyone, but then they'll turn right around and complain about women who are less than receptive when they cold approach them on the street or when they don't put out by the third date.
Relationship baggage and daddy issues have to be the absolute worst and the biggest turnoff for me. Can't tell you how many people I have met that are still hung-up on ex boyfriends and issues that happened to them when they were kids. So many females with these issues.
Men have their issues also, but for me it would be relief to meet a lady that is free of the two issues I described above. It's like an epidemic.
The OP says "I am having a relationship problem." It gets discussed back and forth with a few responses and then someone pipes up (particularly if the OP is female) saying "You are bad at picking mates! You have to go to therapy. Obviously, you are attracted to horrible men with lots of baggage." without having any real insight into the OP's history or state of mind.
This annoys me because I truly don't think that people exist who do not have SOME kind of baggage. There are the usual kinds-- dysfunction in the family, difficulty with exes, general problems with motivation in life, commitment issues, confidence issues, etc. Then there are more serious kinds: mental illness, addictive behaviors, trouble with kids from previous relationships (custody battles), trouble with the law, bankruptcies or severe money problems, and on and on. Some of these can bridge from typical to serious, some are red flags, but I think that all of us have at least a small carry on of baggage (even purse size) that we bring with us when we meet someone else. The idea that we can always avoid anyone with baggage in order to pick a "good" partner who will never act out or be unreasonable is hard to believe. Likewise, learning to deal with and overcome some of these issues can actually provide valuable skills in coping and relating to others.
So what do you think? Do you know anyone who is absolutely baggage free? And what sorts of baggage are acceptable to you? What sorts are not?
Everyone has baggage, the key is, are they aware of it and its' effects on their behavior; are they working on it, do they own it and carry it themselves, or do they expect their partner to be responsible for it? For instance, if a man had a divorce from a cheating wife, but has done the work to heal, that's great - but if the guy hasn't done the work and gives me the 3rd degree every time I go out with the girls, that's a guy I'm not going to stay with, because he's expecting ME to be responsible for the emotions he hasn't healed.
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Do baggage free people really exist? What do you think?
