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The OP says "I am having a relationship problem." It gets discussed back and forth with a few responses and then someone pipes up (particularly if the OP is female) saying "You are bad at picking mates! You have to go to therapy. Obviously, you are attracted to horrible men with lots of baggage." without having any real insight into the OP's history or state of mind.
This annoys me because I truly don't think that people exist who do not have SOME kind of baggage. There are the usual kinds-- dysfunction in the family, difficulty with exes, general problems with motivation in life, commitment issues, confidence issues, etc. Then there are more serious kinds: mental illness, addictive behaviors, trouble with kids from previous relationships (custody battles), trouble with the law, bankruptcies or severe money problems, and on and on. Some of these can bridge from typical to serious, some are red flags, but I think that all of us have at least a small carry on of baggage (even purse size) that we bring with us when we meet someone else. The idea that we can always avoid anyone with baggage in order to pick a "good" partner who will never act out or be unreasonable is hard to believe. Likewise, learning to deal with and overcome some of these issues can actually provide valuable skills in coping and relating to others.
So what do you think? Do you know anyone who is absolutely baggage free? And what sorts of baggage are acceptable to you? What sorts are not?
Last edited by confusedasusual; 12-22-2012 at 10:40 AM..
EVERYONE has baggage of some sort. Usually, the people who say they don't are the ones with the most...just like when drama queens/kings say they hate 'drama' but they create it everywhere they go.
It's possible to have almost no baggage if you're a teenager or young adult when dating. There's a difference between "life's baggage" (which is unavoidable for everyone, even children), and "relationship baggage." The latter consists of having bitterness because you've been cheated on, abused, lied to or otherwise exploited in relationships. You see an awful lot of that on this Forum.
Life wears many people down. And eventually generic baggage bleeds into relationships. If you're fired from your job or have a severe illness, that's "baggage" that will intrude upon any romantic relationship.
Everyone has baggage, some carry small bags and some carry huge trunks. I know at my age I might encounter baggage like ailing parents, financial troubles, etc and these are ones I can handle. I can't handle anything having to do with relationship baggage like divorce or children. I get a lot of flaming for this but it's better to be honest with what I can handle than what I can't.
The OP says "I am having a relationship problem." It gets discussed back and forth with a few responses and then someone pipes up (particularly if the OP is female) saying "You are bad at picking mates! You have to go to therapy. Obviously, you are attracted to horrible men with lots of baggage." without having any real insight into the OP's history or state of mind.
This annoys me because I truly don't think that people exist who do not have SOME kind of baggage. There are the usual kinds-- dysfunction in the family, difficulty with exes, general problems with motivation in life, commitment issues, confidence issues, etc. Then there are more serious kinds: mental illness, addictive behaviors, trouble with kids from previous relationships (custody battles), trouble with the law, bankruptcies or severe money problems, and on and on. Some of these can bridge from typical to serious, some are red flags, but I think that all of us have at least a small carry on of baggage (even purse size) that we bring with us when we meet someone else. The idea that we can always avoid anyone with baggage in order to pick a "good" partner who will never act out or be unreasonable is hard to believe. Likewise, learning to deal with and overcome some of these issues can actually provide valuable skills in coping and relating to others.
So what do you think? Do you know anyone who is absolutely baggage free? And what sorts of baggage are acceptable to you? What sorts are not?
Yeah, I see that a lot, too. Everyone wants to "blame the victim" particularly if its a female. Y'all SHOULD KNOW BETTER! Right. Run the other way if a dude looks at you crooked. Right. If you have a fight, you should be blamed because you should have seen that your guy is a psycho with baggage. Uh huh. None of this is helpful.
Everyone has something that haunts them. Find someone whose bags match yours.
Yeah, I see that a lot, too. Everyone wants to "blame the victim" particularly if its a female. Y'all SHOULD KNOW BETTER! Right. Run the other way if a dude looks at you crooked. Right. If you have a fight, you should be blamed because you should have seen that your guy is a psycho with baggage. Uh huh. None of this is helpful.
Everyone has something that haunts them. Find someone whose bags match yours.
It's interesting, because guys will tell the women that they should spend more time picking good mates and not just jump into a relationship with anyone, but then they'll turn right around and complain about women who are less than receptive when they cold approach them on the street or when they don't put out by the third date.
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Do baggage free people really exist? What do you think?
