Have you cheated? Will you cheat? and why (guys, attractive, call)
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Hell, I think everyone is capable of murder so of course everyone is capable of cheating. That's why it's important to realize it could be you that cheats so it's best to do your best to nip things in the bud and/or avoid circumstances where things could escalate.
That analogy makes zero sense. Whereas a very small percentage of people can dunk a basketball or sink three-pointers, almost everyone in a marriage has a sex drive.
I think you missed my point. The OP's premise is that everyone is capable of cheating, given the right circumstances. To me, it's a pretty dumb statement that just serves as a launch pad for people to attack others' characters.
Hell, I think everyone is capable of murder so of course everyone is capable of cheating. That's why it's important to realize it could be you that cheats so it's best to do your best to nip things in the bud and/or avoid circumstances where things could escalate.
Your point is valid and it's a smart strategy, to a point.
But I think that you can't always control the direction circumstances and external things wind up playing out...but you SHOULD always be able to control your reaction to them. In a civilized society, we've got to be able to trust that MOST people are capable of restraint. I for one am not going to hide at home or join a knitting circle because the recreational activities I enjoy most happen to have MEN present and there are no chaparones to make sure we all behave, oh my! Had to fight with husband over this for a number of years, but we're finally getting a little closer to some peace over it.
A big reason it was such a fight, is that I trust myself, and he doesn't understand that. He'd rather avoid situations of temptation as you said.
Basically what you're saying is that everyone has the capacity to be tempted to do something that goes against their particular personal moral code, including dishonesty. I agree. However, it really is as simple (and as complicated) as making a choice that fits your convictions, versus runs counter to them. And some people truly do hold VERY strongly to their convictions. So while the temptation may be there, the behavior does not necessarily occur. Noticing that someone is attractive does not a cheater make. Everyone notices things/people that are attractive to them. Choosing to act on it is another story, and not a choice everyone makes.
Let me lay out a scenario for you
After months or even years of a strained relationship with your SO, the new guy attractive gentlemen at your place of work begins chatting you up and playfully flirting. You haven't had anything resembling romance or intimacy with your SO for months. Heck, not even anything that would lead you to believe that your SO even desires to be with you any longer, but you're keeping the good fight and are trying to work through it.
Now the new guy at work (whom you've secretly fantasized about while "taking care of yourself" because your SO has expressed no interests in months) invites you out for drinks after work to celebrate (insert work related accomplishment or special occasion here). It's a friendly invite, with no overtly sexual undertones. Heck, several other coworkers will be going as well.
Coworkers eventually leave with only you and your crush remaining. You both agree to stick around for one more drink. One drink turns into a couple more, and what were once sober thoughts have now become a less inhibited person's words. His words elicit an intoxicating response of lust in the deepest recesses of your body. You find yourself awakened to a level of passion and desire you may have never felt before. Would you have the strength to brush his advances off, or would you succumb to your sinful, but oh so sensual desires?
After months or even years of a strained relationship with your SO, the new guy attractive gentlemen at your place of work begins chatting you up and playfully flirting. You haven't had anything resembling romance or intimacy with your SO for months. Heck, not even anything that would lead you to believe that your SO even desires to be with you any longer, but you're keeping the good fight and are trying to work through it.
Now the new guy at work (whom you've secretly fantasized about while "taking care of yourself" because your SO has expressed no interests in months) invites you out for drinks after work to celebrate (insert work related accomplishment or special occasion here). One drink turns into a couple more and what were once sober thoughts have now become a less inhibited person's words. His words elicit an intoxicating response of lust in the deepest recesses of your body. You find yourself awakened to a level of passion and desire you may have never felt before. Would you have the strength to brush his advances off, or would you succumb to your sinful, but oh so sensual desires?
I don't think most people have the strength ot brush off the advances in this given situation. And if anybody say they can do it, they must suffer from low sex drive syndrome or lying. Period.
I have an annoying empty nester aunt who condemn everybody who wears short skirt, high heels shoes, or talking about hot guys, her husband cheats on her left and right because she hasn't given him sex, guess how long, in the past 20 years.
She doesn't need sex, so she thinks any other women who need sex on regular basis must have a problem or are potential ****.
Of couse my aunt is capable of staying faithful, she simply does not need sex!!!!
I think you missed my point. The OP's premise is that everyone is capable of cheating, given the right circumstances. To me, it's a pretty dumb statement that just serves as a launch pad for people to attack others' characters.
No, I just don't think your point was a well-articulated one, for the example you provided was one that relies on complete implausibility. Meanwhile, the OP makes the simple assertion that with the right person, the right frame of mind, the right situation, and the right amount of alcohol, it could quite easily happen to anyone. To me, that's not a dumb statement. He just assumes human fallibility, something that any wise person should do when regarding himself and others.
I have to be honest. All the dogooders on this forum makes me kind of sick. We come to the forum to connect with real people with real problems. and certainly none of us are perfect, we do go through normal human emotions. I am no saint, but I am not evil okay?
I have never cheated on anybody, but I am thinking about it, why? because I am pissed!!!!!!
I am not going into the details but the ******* parents of the dude i am dating setting him up with a family friend knowing we are still together, my soon to be ex boyfriend went along with the date!!! His excuse is "I cann't afford making my mother upset because she loves me."
I am thinking about going out with my college friend. I always had a crush on him and I recently found out he liked me too!! He is currently available, and we bumped into each other in the mall. I haven't made any move because I feel so guilty.
I know two wrong doesn't make a right, I know the blah blah and one size fits all cliche type of advices people are going to dish out here, but I cannot help feeling resentful of my current situation. I am thinking If I am dating a dude whose parents encourage him cheating on me, why do I need to stay faithful?
I want to cheat to just get caught. I knnow I shouldn't be thinking this way, but I can't help it.
I have to be honest. All the dogooders on this forum makes me kind of sick. We come to the forum to connect with real people with real problems. and certainly none of us are perfect, we do go through normal human emotions. I am no saint, but I am not evil okay?
I have never cheated on anybody, but I am thinking about it, why? because I am pissed!!!!!!
I am not going into the details but the ******* parents of the dude i am dating setting him up with a family friend knowing we are still together, my soon to be ex boyfriend went along with the date!!! His excuse is "I cann't afford making my mother upset because she loves me."
I am thinking about going out with my college friend. I always had a crush on him and I recently found out he liked me too!! He is currently available, and we bumped into each other in the mall. I haven't made any move because I feel so guilty.
I know two wrong doesn't make a right, I know the blah blah and one size fits all cliche type of advices people are going to dish out here, but I cannot help feeling resentful of my current situation. I am thinking If I am dating a dude whose parents encourage him cheating on me, why do I need to stay faithful?
I want to cheat to just get caught. I knnow I shouldn't be thinking this way, but I can't help it.
Doesn't sound like he's in a committed relationship with you. I'd recommend seeing other people.
[quote=Philosophizer;27797232]Let me lay out a scenario for you
After months or even years of a strained relationship with your SO, the new guy attractive gentlemen at your place of work begins chatting you up and playfully flirting. You haven't had anything resembling romance or intimacy with your SO for months. Heck, not even anything that would lead you to believe that your SO even desires to be with you any longer, but you're keeping the good fight and are trying to work through it.
Ok I can stop you right there (I know this scenario was not directed at me but hell) First off, strained or not, based on my personality I am blunt and up front, and sex crazed. So we boinking regardless if we don't like each other for the moment. I would not be in a relationship like that at all in the first place. And I would not go on for month without addressing the issues by communicating with my SO, that's the problem with females, you expect things to work out without opening up your mouth and you'd rather suffer in silence rather than stir waves. Now the new guy at work (whom you've secretly fantasized about while "taking care of yourself" Again I won't be taking care of myself if my SO is living with me, or if he is my SO because I'd be taking care of myself with his body (smile) because your SO has expressed no interests in months)My SO will always show interest in at least sex (I know how I am; know yourself and know what you want out of a relationship before you choose a mate to be attached to) invites you out for drinks after work to celebrate (insert work related accomplishment or special occasion here). It's a friendly invite, with no overtly sexual undertones. Heck, several other coworkers will be going as well.
Coworkers eventually leave with only you and your crush remaining.That means I'm going home too, why do I need to be there alone with my "crush" You both agree to stick around for one more drink. One drink turns into a couple more, and what were once sober thoughts have now become a less inhibited person's words. His words elicit an intoxicating response of lust in the deepest recesses of your body. You find yourself awakened to a level of passion and desire you may have never felt before. Would you have the strength to brush his advances off, or would you succumb to your sinful, but oh so sensual desires?You put yourself in a position to be consumed by lust and that is your fault and your fault alone. That is why in situations such as these, especially when you are feeling vulnerable then you need to open up to your SO, do not go out alone, do not stay in the same room as someone that you are lusting after. You're in solitude, you're in a vulnerable state, and you are drinking alcohol which lowers a person's inhibitions.[/quote]
People need to stop blaming other people for their short comings and blame it on themselves and their stupid decisions. Think about the consequences before anything happens, take notice of yourself and your feelings.
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