Major Marital Problems And A Bad Case of a Mother in Law From Hell (wives, married)
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duster1979, nutwads!! lol thats a funny word that i havent heard in a while and that about fits his family;s description perfectly.
ferretkona, theres a loophole! thanks.
..so today he calls me up and hes so nice wanting to know how me and the girls are doing. he said told me that he didnt start a will requesting any money or anything to be given to charity. he told me he said that to make me mad and for me to worry where my next meal would come from or how i would support myself and the twins considering he pays for everything. but he doesnt remember half of what he said last nite. honestly, he has a hard time remembering what was said 15 minutes later. i wonder if memory loss and multiple personality disorder are linked somehow.
at first i thought he was being a complete douchenozzle but im now thinking that he may have a really serious problem.
at first i thought he was being a complete douchenozzle but im thinking he may really have a serious problem.
Didn't you mention deployments in your first post? Has he been deployed to a combat zone? Frankly much of his behavior is consistent with PTSD. Didn't mention it earlier because it seemed obvious to me and I assumed you'd been down that road, but maybe not. If it's a possibility a talk with a VA counselor might be a good idea.
x2 on PTSD- much of his emotional distance, confusion, lack of interest can be due to things he has seen and done in war. Memory loss like you describe can be caused by PTSD or even repeated brain concussion from being near explosions.
Please contact the VA and have him evaluated both physically and mentally. He may have a treatable disorder that can be worked on with both medication and counseling.
The mother -in-law thing may be a separate problem. It would be normal for him to be very concerned with his mother and helping her out with is father passing away not long ago. However, if it continues to the exclusion of his responsibilities to his wife and children then you have a bigger problem. Only you can decide whether it is worth it to continue the marriage or not if his wife and kids come second after his mom & sister.
It does sound like he is in need of some mental health care! Serious need!
Now, whether he will seek or submit to such care is another animal altogether. If you at all wanted to try and salvage things, I would pursue trying to find some care for him, and working to encourage him (and find others to encourage him) to give it a shot.
Other than that, unfortunately, I see little other recourse which would have a chance at salvaging the marriage...
Don't destroy yourself in the process whatever way you go (salvage or divorce)!
duster1979, yes he has been deployed many times. i was thinkin ptsd too. but his parents have went from liking me to hating me and then when i was pregnant they liked me. they go thru moods like when they choose to talk to you or whatever. i didnt like that because i felt like they came off as being fake and phony.. even his sister was weird like that.. i think ptsd may be a factor but it could very well be genetic from this dysfunctional family,
**one day we were hanging out and we started play wrestling and his mom came outside and saw us on the lawn and she said to my husband " dont u remember play wrestling with me.. ure mother? and he looked at her and said no and he laughed and she said yes u do. thats the same day she pushed me down the stairs. we were walking out her kitchen door and down the stairs when i went to close the door she said dont close it, i said ok. when i looked at her she gave me a dirty look and i felt a hand on my back and i was pushed down the stairs, i grabbed the banister and i bumped into my husband on te way down since he was walking in front of me.
she slammed the door and i started yelling obscenities at her calling her a whole bunch of well deserved names and telling her to get down here and try pushing me again.. and my husband took her side of course. he covered my mouth with his hands and kinda pulled and dragged me outta the hallway and said do not talk to my mom like that. shes a ***** but i dont want you talking to her like that.. he said "please shes crazy she doesnt know what shes doing" so i asked him how crazy was she and what did he mean by that and he said that shes just not right in the head. .
thats why i think it could be genetic. and the worst part is, he looks just like her, and the more i see it and notice it and acknowledge it.. the more skeeved out i get.**
willow wind he wont get help. he says that real men dont need counseling or anything like that. he blames his noticeable memory loss in not be interested in what im saying. he says that he doesnt pay attention to me because he doesnt work for me, im not the boss of him and that he cant stand me. his mom is totally coming in first and i think its because shes also playing the needy factor. wanting her son to help her,
im going to have to speak to her and tell her that shes responsible for all the fighting that is going on with me and my husband and that she needs to stop being so needy and that she also has a daughter not just a son. and that she needs to be a parasite somewhere else. im so fed up with her and him .
You are probably just wasting your time confronting her directly. It would probably turn into a shouting or shoving match and if you are not carefilul you could find yourself in legal trouble. If you do discuss the issue with her, do so as tactfully and politely as possible. If the discussion heads south on you, bail out. Get up and walk away in the middle of her sentence. The high road is harder to take but you'll be glad you did.
Also, wrt your husband and his "real men don't need counseling" argument, I would counter that real men know when they need help and seek it. It's a basic leadership fundamental that we teach in the military. By refusing to seek help he is hurting himself, his marriage, and possibly his unit and career. Surely he cares about something. I know this is pretty much the same advice I offered when you discussed the neighbor issue, but it is fundamentally true. If he refuses to seek help maybe you should contact his command.
willow wind he wont get help. he says that real men dont need counseling or anything like that. he blames his noticeable memory loss in not be interested in what im saying. he says that he doesnt pay attention to me because he doesnt work for me, im not the boss of him and that he cant stand me. his mom is totally coming in first and i think its because shes also playing the needy factor. wanting her son to help her,
im going to have to speak to her and tell her that shes responsible for all the fighting that is going on with me and my husband and that she needs to stop being so needy and that she also has a daughter not just a son. and that she needs to be a parasite somewhere else. im so fed up with her and him .
Then tell his CO and the therapists at the base medical/counseling center. PTSD is very real, and left untreated, leads to a "breakdown of operational readiness and/or fitness for duty", military-bureaucratese for unable to do his job.
Checkered24,
thanks i agree i think he really needs to be mentally evaluated. something is wrong with him and more so since his dad died. he stays up all hours of the night.. he usually only watches war movies and stuff like actual war footage and because of that wont watch a movie with me when the girls go to bed nothing. or if he is not watching war movies, he watching war documentaries. its like alittle tooo much. and hes been watching this stuff more and more lately.
now with his whole putting mom first obsession,
**at first i was thinking that maybe he loved his dad and now with his dad dead, he may want to be close with his mom because she was the closest thing to his dad. and thats fine and all but after we agreed on many things to take place during his vacation he just turned around and said im going to see my mom for a couple of weeks she needs me. i said yeah but i need you here and u knew we had some home improvement projects coming up that i really need your man strength for and u know this and he said , forget it. that he didnt care about this house at all and that his mom comes first. what is she telling him? he hides his phone and is super secretive. deletes texts and all that.
we have a tight budget and his mom wanted him to take her out every night that he was there. everytime he goes to see them/her he spends alot of money that we need for something else or spends money that we dont have. she knows this but doesnt care. she does it to be spiteful and i tell him that and he said its my mom and shes hungryso what am i gonna do?. he bought all her groceries, took her shoping for some clothes and toiletries and stuff and then buys take out food or they eat at a restaurant. and here i am at the grocery store having to budget my groceries a little harder.
then when i call him she tells me oh look what my son got me today.. she talks to me for that but she wont call me to see how im doing. thats one of the many examples of her being spiteful. its my husbands fault for being so spineless to his mom.. and the rest of his family.**
but your right checkered24, i dont see how this mariage can be salvaged when its clear that my husband and i both hate each other! looking back on the years we spent together and the crap his parents put me thru and the fact that he didnt even ever reallly really stick up for me make me really resent him.
wow i really do resent him.
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