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rockjock1729, he told me i couldnt contact his command but if i did, they would boot him out . thats why i havent. i just figured hes a grown up and will take care of his problems eventually. he needs an intervention i think. he doesnt like to go out. he doesnt like to do anything lately except watch war/military movies documentaries etc he sleeps past 1pm on the weekends and doesnt have any enthusiam to do anything with me or the twins.
If you really think he needs an intervention to deal with his problems, then haven't you already decided that he won't take care of his problems eventually? That's what an intervention is: people telling someone, "enough, time to take care of this now."
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It sounds like he's depressed and needs help. That's not unusual after the death of a loved one.
As for you and the kids, if a daughter is diagnosed as autistic, you might be eligible for some for of Social Security or other public benefits. Would you be able to move back with your parents, while you look for a job? Maybe they or some friends of theirs could help you find a job in their area. It's worth considering, anyway. This isn't a good situation to raise kids in.
If he's also showing signs of PTSD--and it sounds like he may be--then depression on top of it only makes things much worse.
Not to sound like Dr. Phil, but kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. Mandy, if your husband needs help, then get him the help he needs. Get the kids somewhere safe, and let his CO or a base physician know what's going on with him.
And then go get a divorce lawyer. (Nothing takes a beating like a dead horse!)
yes, i did think that after the deployments he needed to see someone. a big shift in his attitude and overall outlook made me believe that it was necessary to do that. when i would say this to him he would say to leave him alone and that hes fine. i couldnt make him go so i figured that he would come to the realization sooner or later that he needed to.
but with his dads death, a little over a month ago, hes gotten a worse. obsessed with his mom and war movies. staying up all night when hes the only one awake but if i stay up with him, he goes to sleep. hiding his phone, evrything. he just has this angry face on and an attitude to go with it. in the past he used to be nice but then have these nasty episodes but now it like hes constantly so angry at the world with a few episodes of niceness. time has built that up to be that way. thats why i thought he may need some sort of interventon at this point.
i noticed something weird and i dont know if this is a guy thing or what, but when we found out of his dads death, i was sad because his dad was the only one i liked out of his family, so i was in shock for a min or two then i started crying. i went to hug him and he didnt hug me back. he was just silent and standing there while i hugged him when i let go, he walked away from me.
of course at that moment i didnt say "u can hug ure ex gf but you cant hug me". that wouldve been totally inappropriate lol but i mean cmon. i felt like saying that! but i didnt lol he wouldnt talk to any of my family memebers when they tried to call him. only his friends. actually he only answered the phone for his battle bud that day. he was kinda rude to everyone even my kids and i did tell him to stop acting this way or if he feels the need to have to be rude to us then get out of the house. and he left for several hours.
look everyone, i know i needed to divorce him and as a comment on here said, it was time a long time ago. i stay because of financial reasons. the single mom role is something i dont think i can do. i think ill be spending more money on daycare! and when the girls are in school, before and after school care! i feel like, im staying in this marriage not to be a wife, but to be a full time stay at home mom.
my mom works now and my dad has knee problems that requires him to take it a little easy so i couldnt ask them to watch my kids all day..even though i know they would. i just dont want to burden my family or my kids with the problems i have with my husband. i feel like divorcing him would take away the vehicle i drive the house i live in and the money in my pocket. divorce is permannent but when hes here its temporary because his job takes him away from the home alot. maybe in the future i will change my mind on this and be totally independant (financially) but rite now, it looks so hard to do.
i entertained the idea of moving closer to my parents but the funny thing is that my parents mention that they are thinking of moving closer to me!! my sister has shown them houses on these last few weekends. i hope they find something soon! i think that when the timimg is right, everything will fall into place where it needs to be. and that is just a statement in general.
in the meantime ,im going to need to adjust my attitude, like walk on eggshells somewhat and ignore alot of the things he says to me. this is definitly not cool but if thats what it takes to have a quiet peaceful home then im gonna try it out and see how far it goes. its not fair to me but i dont want my girls seeing me upset and/or seeing my husband and i bicker and stuff like that. maybe ill join a boxing class and beat a punching bag 3 nites a week lol ..just a little role reversal rite there lol
going on this forum was a way for me to ask for neutral people for neutral answers. u guys seem always on point and give good advice , different outloooks and constructive criticism when needed. and i appreciate that because cmon, when you talk to your family or friends they sometimes are in agreememnt with u so u feel like hmm... are they just agreeing because they are my family and are genetically obligated to take my side or what?! lol but it looks like u all see what my family sees too.
Your husband is seriously ill, you need to contact his CO and try get him treatment even if it means he gets kicked out of the service.
He's a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. In this mind, he's still out in the field, he's still at war.
That's why he can't sleep if every one else is asleep. He's the one duty and awake , protecting the camp. He can only sleep if you stay awake because then you're the one on guard protecting the camp. Then he can get some rest. It's why he only responds to his battle buddy. You and the kids are not even on this radar. It's why he didn't break down when his dad died. When you're at war, you can't do that, you have to be strong and keep going on, so you don't endanger your fellow troops.
This guy's brain is in combat, mentally he's not at home. One of these days he's going to flashback and seriously hurt or kill someone.
wow! your last post made me think about how much of his attitude and behavior pertains to being in "combat mode"
he takes his job super seriously, and i believe he is promotable now.. if i call up his command and beg and plead for them to get him some help for his behaviors at home, they may either not believe the things i am saying about this "star marine" or if they do speak to him, he will totally freak out on me. and in his mental state, and the fact that he has gotten worse.. i dont know what he is capable of.
im gonna be seriously walking on eggshells with him until he leaves for his new duty station. and when hes gone, let him watch all the porn he wants and all thaat, when hes away or deployed, he watches a crapload of porn. i dont think any wife would like their husband getting turned on by othr women but what can i say? hes addicted to it. let him be nasty, . hes addicted to porn tobacco whiskey and work.
i cant wait for him to leave. ugh
let him be the nasty, secretive, defensive weirdo he wants to be. hes a mamas boy now to the woman who tried to push me down a flight of stairs and throw a heavy baking dish at me. i hate him so much for caring about his mom. that dumb old needy woman. i hate her. and him too.
thanks again for that great comment willow wind! it definitly help me put a different perspective but im definitly going to stay the hell out of his war mode way!
things seemed nice with him when we married. he progressively got worse after each deployment and now with his fathers death, its become unbearable with him. he has moments of when he has a totally different personality. different attitude everything. i told him yesterday that he has to stop calling his mother and although he was saying stuff like "u cant tell me what to do" blah blah blah, he hasnt called her since. and his personality/attitude has been a tiny bit better. but then again, im ignoring him most of the time. lol
iknowftbll,
hes a marine, been in for 8yrs hes a sgt.. and hes been deployed ALOT. afghanistan 3times iraq 1 time. hes just turned 26 . im 25 turning 26 this year. we got married when we were 20. and my twin girls are going to be 3 this year.
At his age, rank, and level of experience in the Marine Corps, I can honestly say that he should be over this "real men" thing he keeps bringing up. What is sad is that he no doubt has Marines underneath him. What is his answer if one of them needs help and asks for your husband to help arrange it? What is he going to tell his subordinates? "Real men don't need counseling." Leadership FAILURE. THAT is going to get him into trouble with his command at some point. If he cannot and will not take care of himself, how can he be expected to take care of his subordinate Marines.
As for you, I am afraid that if he is not going to come around on his own, you may have to be proactive. If he resists efforts for the two of you to patch things up, you may be forced to consider a divorce. I hope that it won't come to that, but you can't live miserable.
I used to be married to a Mama's boy who never defended me when his mother threw insults at me, only time he did defend me was when his mother almost charged me in the closet because I spoke my mind!! my ex's parents never liked me because I wasnt the timid naive girl they thought I was, even when I was divorcing the exhusband his mother stuck her nose were it didnt belong and tried her hardest to delay or worse contest my divorce, they thought if they delayed it enough times that they would drain me financially....and that I would throw in the towel....NO SUCH Luck, I STUCK TO MY GUNS, and divorced the wimp and his family....
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, I STUCK TO MY GUNS, and divorced the wimp and his family....
