Bad girls vs Good mums (marry, friend, casual, emotionally)
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I know you don't like me, which is fine, but that's because you've slammed Americans for being uptight on the single mom issue compared to those in the UK, which evidently isn't true, or you wouldn't have created this thread.
The answer: it depends on how good-looking you are, and that's what I've seen. Sitting at a Starbucks, a fire truck pulls in for the dudes to get their coffee ... they parked illegally. One guy in the bunch looks like he could have been a movie star. He gets his drink and they all go to the door, where is a met by a blonde. She, too, could have been a movie star. I thought "matched set." Neither of them had wedding bands. The fire truck pulls out of the way with the other guys in his crew/station in it, and he is walking and talking with her, as they head to her car, where there are two blond kids, obviously kids from her previous marriage or relationship.
Since this woman looked like she could have tried out for an extra role on "Baywatch," I'd say she could get someone, and probably could even pick. If she had looked like Rosie O'Donnell and was ACTUALLY into guys, then it would be doubtful.
Don't worry, I'm not on christmas card list either lol. Anyway, I won't say its based on looks. I have a friend that will not date single moms, no matter what he looks like. He is single, has no kids, nice job, nice house. He can afford to be picky I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AJsMOM83
Love this! I hate feeling like I'm damaged goods just because I have a kid. (I think) I have so many positive qualities (I work, go to school, have my own place, car, etc...) that unfortunately get overlooked because I'm a single mom. Newsflash, boys and girls: us single moms aren't the only ones who have been cheated on, beat on, or have issues. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't want to date something who doesn't want to date me.
As for your question, OP: I second what Sgt Buzzcutt said!
Please do not feel that way. No one is EVER damaged goods because they have a child. It is the way that you act with the person that you are with that causes that to be thrown about.
Seems like us single moms are at such a disadvantage with the way a lot of guys feel about dating women with kids. Not all of us are searching for a father figure for our kids, and not all of us have kids who are completely dependent on us and will interfere with our relationships with men (my son is 13 and spends most of his time with his friends, but yet guys still fail to see that I DO have the ability to balance having both my son and a man in my life).
Good point.
I think If you want it bad enough you will make it work.....everyone can balance their life if they want to
There are some realistic issues that go beyond a man worrying about whether the Mum has enough time to make him happy or if she was mistreated (because seriously, plenty are not.)
1. There is a Dad out there who potentially has rights and might pop back up in life...it's not easy for a guy to deal with an ex who never really goes away.
2. A guy who is looking for a romantic relationship would view meeting a kid and having Mom introduce him as possibly a bucket of cold water. Some guys, I would think.
3. Parenting priorities might be different. What if you bring in a stepdad and he's far more authoritative with your son than you are? Then the two of you will fight about that.
Besides which a guy may just not feel ready to be an instant parent, some guys have trouble bonding with kids that aren't their own, etc. But some men...I've met some men, usually kind and wonderful human beings, who absolutely seemed programmed to be good Dads, and it didn't matter whose kids they were. The kind of guy you want coaching your kid's soccer team.
I dunno. I understand where it would hurt, but just because a man doesn't choose a single Mom doesn't necessarily mean he wants bad or cheap women. I definitely think the ideal would be to get with a guy who also has a child or children from a prior relationship.
You sound like a good person, and I wish you all the luck in the world!
I'm finding more and more often that guys would rather be with females who are stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap rather than a kind, loving and all round good female because she has a kid.......being a single mother I've never tried dating as I wasn't sure how guys would react to the fact that I have a kid. The worst thing and most hurtful thing that could ever happen I imagine would be getting rejected because of the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to me. The thought of someone thinking less of me or treating me differently and using my son against me honestly makes me feel sick. I know loads of you men on here refuse to date a single parent and I understand that.
My questions are,
1) do you think it's possible to meet a well rounded good guy being a single parent?
2) would you men rather be with a a female who wasn't nice rather than one who was good in every sense but has a child?
3) is it worth trying to date again?
Date hun, of course people will judge you based on your past, on your looks, your attitude, your status, your bank account amount. People will find a way to judge you no matter what. Think of it as you're weeding out the people that had ill-intentions anyway. I'm a single parent as well, and sometimes I have my dry spells, but then I have my spells where dates are abundant, right now, I'm trying to chill, I'm getting my MBA right now and males are stuck in traditional mind sets right now. There are great men out there that will love you and your child and if you get married will treat your child as his own.
There are some realistic issues that go beyond a man worrying about whether the Mum has enough time to make him happy or if she was mistreated (because seriously, plenty are not.)
1. There is a Dad out there who potentially has rights and might pop back up in life...it's not easy for a guy to deal with an ex who never really goes away.
2. A guy who is looking for a romantic relationship would view meeting a kid and having Mom introduce him as possibly a bucket of cold water. Some guys, I would think.
3. Parenting priorities might be different. What if you bring in a stepdad and he's far more authoritative with your son than you are? Then the two of you will fight about that.
Besides which a guy may just not feel ready to be an instant parent, some guys have trouble bonding with kids that aren't their own, etc. But some men...I've met some men, usually kind and wonderful human beings, who absolutely seemed programmed to be good Dads, and it didn't matter whose kids they were. The kind of guy you want coaching your kid's soccer team.
I dunno. I understand where it would hurt, but just because a man doesn't choose a single Mom doesn't necessarily mean he wants bad or cheap women. I definitely think the ideal would be to get with a guy who also has a child or children from a prior relationship.
You sound like a good person, and I wish you all the luck in the world!
Seems like us single moms are at such a disadvantage with the way a lot of guys feel about dating women with kids. Not all of us are searching for a father figure for our kids, and not all of us have kids who are completely dependent on us and will interfere with our relationships with men (my son is 13 and spends most of his time with his friends, but yet guys still fail to see that I DO have the ability to balance having both my son and a man in my life).
I agree. It's like we get lumped and painted in a not so positive light b/c of an experience someone had once with a single mom. We're not all the same, fellas.
But hey, to each his own. Everyone has dating preferences, and if my parental status is an immediate turnoff for someone, then so be it.
I agree. It's like we get lumped and painted in a not so positive light b/c of an experience some had once with a single mom. We're not all the same, fellas.
But hey, to each his own. Everyone has dating preferences, and if my parental status is an immediate turnoff for someone, then so be it.
I know. I hate being lumped into a category where men treat us like we're lepers or something. It's offensive to think that, just because I've had a kid, I'm suddenly less worthy of dating.
Date hun, of course people will judge you based on your past, on your looks, your attitude, your status, your bank account amount. People will find a way to judge you no matter what. Think of it as you're weeding out the people that had ill-intentions anyway. I'm a single parent as well, and sometimes I have my dry spells, but then I have my spells where dates are abundant, right now, I'm trying to chill, I'm getting my MBA right now and males are stuck in traditional mind sets right now. There are great men out there that will love you and your child and if you get married will treat your child as his own.
I think I'm just going to be open to the idea and if someone comes along fair enough and if not then that's ok too.....I've never really been opened to the idea but I think I'm ready now although it feels a bit strange if I'm honest lol......thanks your advice and good luck with your MBA
There are some realistic issues that go beyond a man worrying about whether the Mum has enough time to make him happy or if she was mistreated (because seriously, plenty are not.)
1. There is a Dad out there who potentially has rights and might pop back up in life...it's not easy for a guy to deal with an ex who never really goes away.
2. A guy who is looking for a romantic relationship would view meeting a kid and having Mom introduce him as possibly a bucket of cold water. Some guys, I would think.
3. Parenting priorities might be different. What if you bring in a stepdad and he's far more authoritative with your son than you are? Then the two of you will fight about that.
Besides which a guy may just not feel ready to be an instant parent, some guys have trouble bonding with kids that aren't their own, etc. But some men...I've met some men, usually kind and wonderful human beings, who absolutely seemed programmed to be good Dads, and it didn't matter whose kids they were. The kind of guy you want coaching your kid's soccer team.
I dunno. I understand where it would hurt, but just because a man doesn't choose a single Mom doesn't necessarily mean he wants bad or cheap women. I definitely think the ideal would be to get with a guy who also has a child or children from a prior relationship.
You sound like a good person, and I wish you all the luck in the world!
You bring up very valid points!
And here is where I say that all these things need to be discussed (assuming the guy is willing to give the single mom a chance) before taking it one step futher so as to not waste eachother's time.
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