Bad girls vs Good mums (looking, personal, reasons, serious)
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It's true! I've met some kids who just want to touch it and grab handfuls, and then there's the kids who look at me and turn around and hide in mom's stomach or they grab her leg and point at the hair on my face!
I'm baffled on how eligible attractive woman with a single child can not find a man
What's strange is I have a sister, cousins and friends with kids and they have always found someone and often some really great men, and I hate to say it but some of my cousins aren't all that attractive either. What gives, is it a cd curse
Lol I think it depends where you live and how high your standards are
I can respect that. If this was the case with the guys I've come across, that would be perfectly ok. But when a guy tries to make me feel (and sometimes succeeds) like there's something wrong with me for having the kid, well...it sucks. No other way to put it.
I'm finding more and more often that guys would rather be with females who are stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap rather than a kind, loving and all round good female because she has a kid.......
Maybe that's how it is in the UK, but I don't see that around here, and that certainly isn't the case in Romania (or Slovakia or Serbia).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
....being a single mother I've never tried dating as I wasn't sure how guys would react to the fact that I have a kid.
If you're expecting them to roll out the red carpet and put you on a pedestal, I don't think that's going to happen and it would seem that is what your expectations are from reading your posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
The worst thing and most hurtful thing that could ever happen I imagine would be getting rejected because of the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to me.
But that isn't necessarily the most wonderful thing to other people. I like to eat fried pork brains, but I don't force other to do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
My questions are,
1) do you think it's possible to meet a well rounded good guy being a single parent?
I don't think it's possible for you, unless you make major attitude adjustments.
You can't go wrong being up front. I dated a woman for a couple of months, went over her house one night to pick her up, and there's two jack-assess sitting around drinking beer, giving me the Evil Eye because they happen to be the fathers of 2 of 3 of her kids that she conveniently forgot to mention the entire time we were talking.
I never called again, and don't regret it. If she wants to feel rejected, that's her business.
You should be very clear on the ground rules. That will vary based on the age of the child. You need to communicate very clearly the role your child will play. Children should not be involved in the dating process. It's emotionally and mentally harmful. Teaches them the wrong ideas. Once you get past dating, and then into a steady relationship, and then it serious....meaning marriage is around the corner, then you can introduce the child to your dating partner.
In most cases, it has nothing to do with the child, but it does have everything to do with how the mother manages the relationship with the child, and also how the mother manages the relationship with the "exes."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
2) would you men rather be with a a female who wasn't nice rather than one who was good in every sense but has a child?
I had a girlfriend blow up on a waitress once. It wasn't the first time she'd done something like that, but it was the last time she did it in front of me. I paid the bill, apologized to the waitress and the manager and left. I don't know how she got home, and don't really care...it wasn't my problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
3) is it worth trying to date again?
What are you seeking? Validation? What I'm hearing is you fear rejection and use your child as a crutch/shield.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I think many men are wary of becoming a third wheel, which seems to happen more in relationships where single moms say things like, "My child is everything to me," "My child will always come first," and--sorry--"Having my child was the best thing that ever happened to me." There looks to be very little room in there for a husband and stepfather. You should want a man who wants to be involved in your child's life, who wants to be a father, because that's what he'll be to your child. If you are the type of person who says, "My kid doesn't need a dad because I'm here" or "My child already has a father," then you're not going to attract the kind of man you should be looking for.
I agree with that to a great extent. Like I said, women (and men) should be up front about their familial situation, but if the attitude comes off as "My child comes first before everything" whether it's literal or figuratively in so many words, it will turn off a lot of guys. And it isn't that the guys are selfish or jealous -- although I'm sure in some cases that's exactly what it is -- it's just that they want a fair shake, and being a "third wheel" (as you put it) isn't very appealing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amanda0808
Seems like us single moms are at such a disadvantage with the way a lot of guys feel about dating women with kids.
But very often you put yourself at a disadvantage.
The first time I dated a woman with a kid, it was like, "Who the hell am I dating here, the woman or her kid?"
That was before, when I was stupid and didn't have the common sense to lay down ground rules.
Later when I laid down ground rules, things went much better (at least for me). The kid stays at home, you get a sitter, and you pay for the sitter. Maybe after a few dates, I'll pay half, and of course if I am the cause -- meaning I call at the last minute with tickets to James Taylor or something, then I pay for the sitter --it's only fair.
Relationships are complicated enough as it is, and they can do without stupidity. Once the relationship becomes serious, then you discuss things like discipline and the limits of disciplinary action and define roles for each person....and then you introduce the child, and the child can be included in outings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amanda0808
Not all of us are searching for a father figure for our kids, and not all of us have kids who are completely dependent on us and will interfere with our relationships with men (my son is 13 and spends most of his time with his friends, but yet guys still fail to see that I DO have the ability to balance having both my son and a man in my life).
Then perhaps that's because you haven't communicated that clearly enough. I can't speak for others, but my ESP and Powers of Telepathy stopped working after we crashed and burned in the Hartz Mountains, so if there's something you want me to know, then you need to communicate that verbally, because some pouty look and playing with your hair doesn't always convey the message.
Don't worry, I'm not on christmas card list either lol. Anyway, I won't say its based on looks. I have a friend that will not date single moms, no matter what he looks like. He is single, has no kids, nice job, nice house. He can afford to be picky I guess.
You mean no matter what THEY (the women) look like, right? The guys I know with the good job and the nice house are super independent and don't "cave in" that easily. Even if it's a condo or a townhouse.
Christmas card list? My previous comment ... or is this a new joke?
I'm finding more and more often that guys would rather be with females who are stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap rather than a kind, loving and all round good female because she has a kid
I can't say that I've seen this much at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
.......being a single mother I've never tried dating as I wasn't sure how guys would react to the fact that I have a kid. The worst thing and most hurtful thing that could ever happen I imagine would be getting rejected because of the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to me. The thought of someone thinking less of me or treating me differently and using my son against me honestly makes me feel sick.
This isn't anything personal against you. If you're upfront and say you have a kid I will be upfront and say this won't work. Nothing at all to do with you, everything to do with me. That doesn't mean that I would think less of you, treat you differently, or use your son against you. I just am not willing to change my lifestyle quickly enough to have a good relationship with a woman with kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elained10
My questions are,
1) do you think it's possible to meet a well rounded good guy being a single parent?
2) would you men rather be with a a female who wasn't nice rather than one who was good in every sense but has a child?
3) is it worth trying to date again?
1) Sure
2) I'd stay single if those were my only two choices
3) Your life, you should live it how you think best
I'm finding more and more often that guys would rather be with females who are stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap rather than a kind, loving and all round good female because she has a kid...
My eldest is 22 and and in his circle of friends aged between 20 and 30 I suppose there are two married to, what were, single mums, ones engaged to one and another couple are dating some.
So i'm sorry, but around here at least, i'm not seeing the "rather be with females who are stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap rather than a kind, loving and all round good female because she has a kid" bit. I don't doubt there are men that would rather not date a single mum for many of the reasons that others have stated but those that choose that don't necessarily choose the "stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap" type instead.
This isn't anything personal against you. If you're upfront and say you have a kid I will be upfront and say this won't work. Nothing at all to do with you, everything to do with me. That doesn't mean that I would think less of you, treat you differently, or use your son against you. I just am not willing to change my lifestyle quickly enough to have a good relationship with a woman with kids.
1) Sure
2) I'd stay single if those were my only two choices
3) Your life, you should live it how you think best
My eldest is 22 and and in his circle of friends aged between 20 and 30 I suppose there are two married to, what were, single mums, ones engaged to one and another couple are dating some.
So i'm sorry, but around here at least, i'm not seeing the "rather be with females who are stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap rather than a kind, loving and all round good female because she has a kid" bit. I don't doubt there are men that would rather not date a single mum for many of the reasons that others have stated but those that choose that don't necessarily choose the "stuck up, shallow and treat them like crap" type instead.
I did not say all guys do this I said some I was very careful in my wording and I also said this was based on my experience and opinion of what I've seen.
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