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well, I came across an article the other day and I gave it some consideration.
Reason #6: His relentlessly negative outlook
Dealing with constant negativity is not only draining, but it can eventually cause you to take to the dark side emotionally as well. “If you see signs of negativity while dating, they will only get worse as the relationship progresses,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. “If he won’t admit his negativity or consider changing it, let go — the relationship will go nowhere.”
He is very ambitious, definitely trust worthy and he is not into game and is a faithful good dude. But he has very negative outlook in life.
example, he will complain all day long that there are no good drives on freeway, he also complains about his boss . . . he did not get along with his coworkers . . . He is very negative person.
At the very beginning, it does not bother me, but I am at a point where I just stay quiet when he vent.
The above article is kind of a wake up call for me, especially when the Phd says, "If he won't admit his negativity or consider changing it, let go the relationship will go nowhere.
Have you dated a very negative man who complains all day long, how does it turn out?
ps he does not complain about me though, just everybody else around him. and his job.
This sounds just like my ex-SO. He has always been negative. He would even complain about how awful the trafffic was going to be before he even got into it to find that it wasn't so bad that day. I would ask him why he was angry, since it wasn't a surprise that traffic was a challenge everyday.
He, too, complained about work, his manager, his coworkers, his height, that we lived so far from work, that bills came in the mail, that the neighbor was a ******, etc., etc.
I found myself liking my life less and less. Then, suddenly he started walking and losing weight and getting attention from women at work. I had a death in the family and knew something was going on with him. It was a double hit that made me even more down. Hit number 3 came one day, he told me that I was too negative and he wanted to live by himself. I guess the women at work were so much more happy and perky . . . probably because they didn't have to juggle the stuff I had to juggle, nor did they have to deal with what I had to deal with.
So, to answer the question, yes, I lived with a negative man and it didn't turn out well. He "got happy" with someone else's attention, then told me I was too unhappy.
Shouldn't you be more positive about these "idjits"?
Yeah but if this guy is saying that he's mad at God then obviously he's going through something deeper than that.
So the OP should just grin and bear the negativity and hang around waiting for such a time when things get better for him (maybe perhaps) and he lightens up (maybe perhaps)? He's not her husband who's going through a rough spell nor is she his mother- he's a casual date.
Oh, and OP, I wouldn't call him "perfect in every other way" when his negativity has obviously affected his life pretty detrimentally thus far. Five jobs in 10 years because he can't get along with his coworkers wouldn't exactly rock my boat!
So the OP should just grin and bear the negativity and hang around waiting for such a time when things get better for him (maybe perhaps) and he lightens up (maybe perhaps)?
No, and if you read my later post I stated that the OP would have to decide what she could tolerate. That's really the only correct answer.
I just didn't think it was fair of the others here to be tearing the man apart when we don't know his reasons for this atittude.
Plus I can't stand the "smile through your troubles" mantra of this society.
I think everyone complains at least a little bit. I didnt mind listening to my ex-wife complain about her incompetent boss because I would also vent here and there about my a-hole boss. I would rather have her complain a little bit then ball it up in her stomach and turn it into an ulcer that costs us thousands of dollars.
I think everyone complains at least a little bit. I didnt mind listening to my ex-wife complain about her incompetent boss because I would also vent here and there about my a-hole boss. I would rather have her complain a little bit then ball it up in her stomach and turn it into an ulcer that costs us thousands of dollars.
Very true. Everyone complains sometimes it would be pretty strange going around perfectly happy all the time
I don't think that is what the OP is talking about, though. I lived with a guy who got very negative as the years went by, and it was draining to be around him. Everyone on the road was an a**hole, there was something wrong with every restaurant we went to...we would get an invitation to a wedding, and he would rail about how he's not sitting at some wedding on a beautiful summer day and what nerve people have getting married in July and on and on and on...I'm a pretty cheerful person by nature, and talk about a buzzkill, it was like he walked around with a pin to pop every balloon. I almost hated being in the same room as him by the time I left.
I think everyone complains at least a little bit. I didnt mind listening to my ex-wife complain about her incompetent boss because I would also vent here and there about my a-hole boss. I would rather have her complain a little bit then ball it up in her stomach and turn it into an ulcer that costs us thousands of dollars.
Yep, that's true, but in my situation, I did have a job that sucked (customer service) and his was a desk job with his own space, good pay, etc., etc. But when one of us complained the other did and it was as if we started feeding off each other's unhappiness.
It makes me wonder how much better America would be if we could get some reprieve from the mental strain some jobs put on people.
I don't think that is what the OP is talking about, though. I lived with a guy who got very negative as the years went by, and it was draining to be around him. Everyone on the road was an a**hole, there was something wrong with every restaurant we went to...we would get an invitation to a wedding, and he would rail about how he's not sitting at some wedding on a beautiful summer day and what nerve people have getting married in July and on and on and on...I'm a pretty cheerful person by nature, and talk about a buzzkill, it was like he walked around with a pin to pop every balloon. I almost hated being in the same room as him by the time I left.
This is exactly the point
read original post.
Negativity does not go away, it lingers and it gets worse. It is not about complaining about stuff every once in a while, it is about coping skills.
how about if the person gets happier when and because you're dating them?
That is a good question.
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