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I agree with all the above. Sometimes the gender bashing is very subtle though. It's an insinuation about the opposite gender that you don't quite pick up on immediately but then you start to see a pattern of posting style.
Like - women aren't known for... or men aren't known for...
It seems easy enough to avoid most "bashing" accusations by avoiding making categorical statements. Instead of "women are.....", just add the word "some". "Men always....", "Some men seem to always....", or "In my and my friends' experience, men always....X. Have you noticed the same?"
"Why are women today so easy?" That's a disguised bash.
I agree with all the above. Sometimes the gender bashing is very subtle though. It's an insinuation about the opposite gender that you don't quite pick up on immediately but then you start to see a pattern of posting style.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Like - women aren't known for... or men aren't known for...
Ugh, yes. Like the perennial favorite, "Married women aren't known to like sex."
Most often said by those who've never even come close to being married, of course.
Since about 95%* of our reported threads here are due to what the reportee views as some type of bashing (gender, race, etc), I would like to start a dialog here about what different posters perceive as "bashing."
Since I am one of your moderators, I'll start.
Bashing: All men are sleazy opportunists just looking to get laid.
Not bashing: It seems like all the guys I meet when I go out with my friends here lately are all sleazy opportunists, just looking to get laid.
Bashing: Women are gold diggers. Everyone knows it.
Not bashing: Most of the women I know are gold diggers. Your experience may be different.
Bashing: Everyone knows Asian men have small penises.
Not bashing: I think of all the guys I've dated, the Asian ones had the smallest penises. Then again, they were shorter than the white guys I usually date, so perhaps they were just proportionally sized.
Note that in the last instance that mentioned ethnicity/race, I had to be very careful not to be critical of both Asians AND males.
You should also remember that starting an entire thread that pits one race/ethnicity against the other will get you an infraction. Don't start threads like that. Does not mean you can never mention race/ethnicity if it's germane to your comments. Just be very cautious and approach it respectfully.
*Not a real statistic. It's my best estimate.
Okay. Keep it polite folks. Tell me, what do you consider bashing and why? Do NOT refer to specific members of this forum. Also, do not report people's comments in this thread, unless we get brand new folks signing up to troll. You all know your regulars. I'm keeping an eye on this thread off and on over the evening.
I think you covered it nicely. And I welcome a ban on it.
That's why it's so important to choose one's words carefully.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
1. Anything that translates into an "ism"--racism, sexism, ageism, etc.
2. Negative generalizations of any kind about any group.
3. Trying to sneak around a generalization by saying, "98% of men" or "99% of women."
Yes, I think it's just best to say that bashing is anything that promotes hate of differences in other's status, conduct, and/or preferences. And it is truly about how the poster selects his/her words. To bash means to communicate words intended to injury, marginalize, or deserving of social stigma/"unacceptable" human behavior. Bashing is the modus operandi of haters.
I think the golden rule should always apply, along for respect for the choices and preferences of the activities involving mutual consenting adults. We all have different paths and choices in life, and we all make mistakes and are trying to figure out relationship issues in a dynamic and evolving social culture, but just because it doesn't jibe with your experience or expectations (or generation), doesn't mean you should start pumping up the hate, social stigma, and C-D community criticism against them.
Thank you for attempting to establish this standard of conduct. It will be very difficult to police, especially if posters don't read this thread, but definitely worthy of promoting the intended purpose of this C-D relationship forum, which includes a better understanding of relationship challenges. I think it's safe to say we all come here looking for answers to our relationship problems and (mis)perceptions.
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 02-08-2013 at 08:22 PM..
1) Some of the negative feelings are because some people here like each other ... and some people don't.
2) I have gotten all kinds of grief for mentioning jockettes or granolas ... those are identifiable striations of society, are not a protected class, if you will, and the issue of where someone lands of the continuum of normative gender behavior or "conventional/unconventional" is a factor in whether someone will be attracted to "these people." I'm making a political reference - J/K. We can't be forced to love everyone. I'm one of the bigger believers that relationships and attraction are about "typology."
3) As for the ethnic stuff, I grew up in an enormous multicultural area. I knew few WASPs. Much of my anecdotal crap is flavored by the multicultural rhythm and vibe of the people I grew up with, the people in other big cities I've lived in, and the people I've met in my travels. A travel book or essay will describe some of the quirks of the people much the same way I do. Saying "I hate Mexicans" is offensive. Talking about your Mexican friend's parents who sound like Speedy Gonzalez, are always feeding you, are high drama, and have ridiculously tacky quincaneras for all the daughters is NOT offensive. It might involve stereotyping, but it does not display ill will toward a group of people. Some of us are from NY, LA, London, Tokyo, and Sydney ... and it's hard to "dumb it down" because that's not our reality. To those who are born and bred in much more homogeneous areas, try to understand that some of us live in places where a visit to every single house on the block is like visiting a different foreign country.
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