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He's not worried about her health, just her attractiveness. If it was a health issue he wouldn't have gone behind her back to get her friends to do his dirty work.
I think this is what Gigi's boyfriend is most concerned about, although we could be wrong...
I don't know why the guy is "bad" because he wants her to get thinner. A lot of women consider a man "bad" because he is not willing to pay attention to things that they need for intimacy. That is a lot of weight in a short period of time and it makes me think there is something behind it other than over eating, but I don't know why this website's posters criticize a guy that is concerned over it. However, it sounds like the guy is willing to stick around and help her through this. He gets a thumbs up in my book.
I hear people always talking about smoking being so bad for your health but the real problem is obesity in America.
My friend ( let's call her gigi) has gained over 150 lbs over the course of two years. She's now around 300+. She says she needs to lose but she doesnt take any control of her body. Her boyfriend of 5 years is getting aggravated. He tries to he subtle and give hints about her weight gain but she gets depressive. So he tells me all of his problems.
Me and Gigi have been friends since elementary. This is my girl, I love her. So today I told her. The weight is a problem and she has to do something about it. I'll be her support system anything she needs. She says I'm no real friend and accused me of trying to take her boyfriend.
I told you guys this because I have 2 questions.
1. Was it wrong for her boyfriend to come to me with his frustrations?
2. Was I to harsh?
you did the right thing!!! chances are,,,the guy cant even talk to her anymore-she wont listen, but she may listen to you!!
it WAS RIGHT FOR YOU TO STEP IN!!
I wish more friends would step in,,,when they see another self-destructing
One reason guys have a tough time with woman gaining alot of wait isnt always the obvious,,,the womans self-image and self respect is shot, and she feels like crap about herself,,which casts a shadow over everything else, and the hubby gets caught in that shadow,,,no matter what he does, its wrong
she gets depressed, and hubby is caught in an emotional whirlpool
as others have said, keep at her about the gym....hopefully, she will come around..
this is a sensitive subject for most woman, if it was 20lbs weight gain,,or even 40, thats one thing,,,when you are 300lbs??? thats as destructive as being a drug addict.
if she wont take the friend love, give her some tough love, it could save her life
Last edited by mainebrokerman; 02-10-2013 at 01:33 AM..
I hear people always talking about smoking being so bad for your health but the real problem is obesity in America.
My friend ( let's call her gigi) has gained over 150 lbs over the course of two years. She's now around 300+. She says she needs to lose but she doesnt take any control of her body. Her boyfriend of 5 years is getting aggravated. He tries to he subtle and give hints about her weight gain but she gets depressive. So he tells me all of his problems.
Me and Gigi have been friends since elementary. This is my girl, I love her. So today I told her. The weight is a problem and she has to do something about it. I'll be her support system anything she needs. She says I'm no real friend and accused me of trying to take her boyfriend.
I told you guys this because I have 2 questions.
1. Was it wrong for her boyfriend to come to me with his frustrations?
2. Was I to harsh?
She gained over 150 lbs? I would treat someone who gained that much weight like a heroine addict. That's an out-of-control, debilitating addiction.
He's not worried about her health, just her attractiveness. If it was a health issue he wouldn't have gone behind her back to get her friends to do his dirty work.
So what??? Yeah, I'd be damned concerned about my wife's attractiveness too if she gained 150 (!!!) lbs! I'd be concerned about her health too, but no, I don't want to be with someone who weighs more than a baby elephant.
If a man gets upset because his partner gains 10 to 20 lbs or so due to aging, having a baby, etc., he's being a jerk. However, if a man gets upset by a 150 (!!!!!) lbs weigh gain, he's being a human. That's huge. That's not only a danger to her health, that's also a danger to the furniture. He's not at all at fault for being upset by this.
I think this is what Gigi's boyfriend is most concerned about, although we could be wrong...
I think that's what he is most concerned about too, and I don't blame him one bit. Anyone who gains 150 lbs obviously has zero respect for their partner's needs when it comes to being with someone who is attractive. They are obviously far more concerned with ho-hos, fried chicken, ice cream, or whatever else their poison is. Why should the partner be an all loving, all sacrificing being when their partner is a selfish glutton?
The problem with all this is that Gigi hasn't asked her for this advice. Not many people want unsolicited advice. And when that advice is to tell someone what is wrong with their physical appearance and how you can help them fix it, you are just asking for trouble. The best approach is to let Gigi live her life the way she wants. If she decides that she doesn't like her weight gain and goes to the OP to find out what gym she goes to and asks if they can work out together, working out together would be the support that she needs. Until Gigi actually has health problems, if she ever does, her weight is not an issue for her. If it is an issue, clearly she's not ready to deal with it.
I agree with this. I understand that there is concern from the boyfriend and the OP, but you have to let an adult woman be an adult woman. OP, think about how you would react if someone approached you about a "problem" you needed to fix. How would you react? Forget their intention, few people actually consider intentions when they react to being given unsolicited advice. How would anyone here react?
Everyone is trying to shape Gigi like she has fallen of some mental/psychological cliff. But as one poster noted, a weight gain of 150 pounds over two years is an average of 6 pounds a month. It could be anyone on this forum, in reality. Maybe Gigi has no metal problem. Maybe it started off small and grew into the "problem" that it is perceived to be today. Maybe it doesn't bother her at all, maybe it does. If it does bother her, I'm sure that along the way she's had thoughts of "I should try to lose a few pounds" but in many cases for an overweight person, weight loss is not a matter of simply spending some time at the gym and watching your diet. It involves a complete lifestyle change. How many here have ever had to undergo something like that?
Posters have rebuked others for judging the boyfriend, but have turned right around and judged Gigi. Nobody here but the OP can even pick this girl in a two-person line up. We don't know her. We don't know what's going on inside her. She could be perfectly happy with herself. If someone is perfectly happy with herself, why would we want her to change?
So what??? Yeah, I'd be damned concerned about my wife's attractiveness too if she gained 150 (!!!) lbs! I'd be concerned about her health too, but no, I don't want to be with someone who weighs more than a baby elephant.
If a man gets upset because his partner gains 10 to 20 lbs or so due to aging, having a baby, etc., he's being a jerk. However, if a man gets upset by a 150 (!!!!!) lbs weigh gain, he's being a human. That's huge. That's not only a danger to her health, that's also a danger to the furniture. He's not at all at fault for being upset by this.
He's a jerk because instead of being open, honest, and straight forward with his girlfriend, he's talking about her behind her back with her best girlfriend.
I agree with this. I understand that there is concern from the boyfriend and the OP, but you have to let an adult woman be an adult woman. OP, think about how you would react if someone approached you about a "problem" you needed to fix. How would you react? Forget their intention, few people actually consider intentions when they react to being given unsolicited advice. How would anyone here react?
Everyone is trying to shape Gigi like she has fallen of some mental/psychological cliff. But as one poster noted, a weight gain of 150 pounds over two years is an average of 6 pounds a month. It could be anyone on this forum, in reality. Maybe Gigi has no metal problem. Maybe it started off small and grew into the "problem" that it is perceived to be today. Maybe it doesn't bother her at all, maybe it does. If it does bother her, I'm sure that along the way she's had thoughts of "I should try to lose a few pounds" but in many cases for an overweight person, weight loss is not a matter of simply spending some time at the gym and watching your diet. It involves a complete lifestyle change. How many here have ever had to undergo something like that?
Posters have rebuked others for judging the boyfriend, but have turned right around and judged Gigi. Nobody here but the OP can even pick this girl in a two-person line up. We don't know her. We don't know what's going on inside her. She could be perfectly happy with herself. If someone is perfectly happy with herself, why would we want her to change?
why would you want her to change?
its because he loves her that he does- happens everyday with "tough love" with drugs- self-destructing
when a woman is that overweight, her self image is usually in the toilet, and the man is caught up in her depression,,,,this is more than a vanity issue.
I've watched the show "biggest loser" for years...each one of the obese people would say "i dont recognize myself anymore, I was living a lie, and it was totally unfair to the spouse and kids.
and when they finally "made up their minds to change" they all wished they did it years ago.
Maybe they can justify or validate along the way-why they are so obese,,but it still isnt fair to the people around them
Ive had friends , couples that love the outdoors, did everything together, until -in this case it was the guy-that was 300 plus lbs and didnt want to do anything....but stay home and eat.
this put a strain on the marriage bigtime,,,as the wife said "I didnt sign up for this" or "this is not the person I married"
it was only until the husband thought he would lose everything, his wife and kids,,,,that he changed his life and lost the weight
a fine line between "understanding" and being an "enabler"
its because he loves her that he does- happens everyday with "tough love" with drugs- self-destructing
when a woman is that overweight, her self image is usually in the toilet, and the man is caught up in her depression,,,,this is more than a vanity issue.
I've watched the show "biggest loser" for years...each one of the obese people would say "i dont recognize myself anymore, I was living a lie, and it was totally unfair to the spouse and kids.
and when they finally "made up their minds to change" they all wished they did it years ago.
Maybe they can justify or validate along the way-why they are so obese,,but it still isnt fair to the people around them
Ive had friends , couples that love the outdoors, did everything together, until -in this case it was the guy-that was 300 plus lbs and didnt want to do anything....but stay home and eat.
this put a strain on the marriage bigtime,,,as the wife said "I didnt sign up for this" or "this is not the person I married" it was only until the husband thought he would lose everything, his wife and kids,,,,that he changed his life and lost the weight
a fine line between "understanding" and being an "enabler"
I highlighted in bold the two most important things in your entire post. It is an internal decision, an nothing more. Until Gigi realizes for herself what she stands to lose, or that she could be happier without the extra weight, or whatever thought process will go through her mind, she is not ready to be approached with this topic. "Tough love" some call it. It's intrusive and unsolicited, which is going to result in the woman putting up defenses to it, likely making the situation worse. She needs to decide for herself when (if ever) she's ready to lose weight. When/if she reaches that decision point, the boyfriend and OP can be her closest allies and support her efforts.
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